Another piece of heart is being torn out of my body

My Mollie was the cutest little pup.  I bought her on New’s Years Eve, 1999, for my ex.  I should have named her Millie, for the Millenium, but Mollie stuck.  She was so beloved by everyone, especially my 6 year old Golden Retriever Maggie.  I don’t think Mollie’s paws hit the ground the first few months.  She was either carried around by a human or Maggie. 

Mollie’s daddy left us when she was just a pup.  He was cheating on us with a woman with a Shitzu.  A Shitzu!  Can you imagine????  Luckily Mollie was young enough to readjust.  Maggie didn’t though.  Every night she laid by the stairs, waiting for her daddy to come home.  He never did.  She died of a broken heart shortly thereafter.  Her fur soaked up buckets of my tears, and she was my heart dog.  Her death, so quick after my divorce, left me with two gaping holes in my heart that kept pumping out blood.  I swore I would never get another dog.  Mollie was enough for me.

Mollie had to grow up quick after that.  She was the best dog.  Never chewed up anything, which was unusual for a lab!  She was a little alpha after Maggie died, and didn’t really care for other dogs, she was very protective of me.  But she was lonely during the day.  Lo and behold, the neighbors had some Golden Retriever pups.  The poor little runt was left behind.  So I took her home just for a quick visit with Mollie, and she never left.  She became our new Golden Angel, Maddie.

Mollie was NOT a mommy dog, like Maggie was with her.  To Mollie, Maddie was just another play toy, and boy was she rough with her!  But Maddie was a trooper, and followed Mollie everywhere.  The two were great sisters, and loved each other so much.  We had some good years.

Then poor little Maddie got sick.  Very sick.  Kidney failure.  And she was only 7.  Six months later, this April, she was gone.  Mollie and I cried and cried over the loss of our girl.  I said to Mollie, who was now almost 12, you better live forever, you have outlived two of my goldens!  She just licked my tears, once again.

My heart does not have much territory left unscathed.  Mollie started losing weight.  I knew this scenario…..it was all too familiar.  A trip to the vet confirmed my worst fears.  Mollie too now had kidney failure, to add to her list of old age problems.  No God, please, not Mollie, not now, not so soon after my little Maddie.  Please don’t take her.  I begged, I prayed, I cried.  Seemed to work for a little while.  A few weeks.

Now, this past week, she won’t eat.  She is having bowel problems.  I’m making her hamburger and rice, and she will eat some of that.  Nothing else seems to even tempt her.  She keeps going outside to try and poop, mostly unsuccessfully.  First she was constipated, then the diapoopsie.  Now something in between.  Not sure if all this is due to her kidney problem, or a new problem.  Whatever, it’s not good.

I will not let her suffer.  I will take her to the vet if her problem does not resolve quickly.  I don’t want her to linger.  It will be painful to her, and even more so to me. 

And that will take care of the rest of my heart.  It will be TOTALLY shredded then.

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One thought on “Another piece of heart is being torn out of my body

  1. I’m so sorry and my heart goes to you…. at least you had her in your life as long as you did and you’ve got great memories of her. You’re a loving person and you’ve given her a fine life…be proud of the fact you’re wonderful and that dog will love you….

    t.

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