Forgive AND forget????

Boy, the past men in my life are coming out of the woodwork lately!  This time it wasn’t a warm fuzzy feeling like hearing from the The Messiah again.  Nope.  This time it was a face to face confrontation with my lying, cheating, binge drinking ex-husband and his equally cheating mistress-turned-wife.

No need to go into all the nasty dirty little details of our divorce, which happened from start to finish in 6 weeks because he basically threatened me if I did not give him what he wanted.  Suffice it to say that he is NOT an honorable man, sucked up all my money, and then left me high and dry and ran off like a coward with his girlfriend after I finally caught them together one night.  He married her on the one year anniversary of our divorce.  His third wife, btw.

Am I better off without him???  You bet.  Should have never married him in the first place.  He took up 10 years of my life, and then another couple years of dealing with the aftermath of grief.  It took me a long time to get back to a new normal.  Going to church every Sunday, sitting in the back pew, crying my heart out.  It was ugly, wasn’t pretty.  I should have never shed a tear over him, he wasn’t worth it.   I still have the signs of prolonged grieving etched upon my face.

When he first left me, he paraded his new mistress all over town, and practically stalked me wherever I went.  There he was.  I finally had to have my lawyer call his lawyer and tell him to stop.  I became a recluse, hardly ever leaving my house except to go to work.  I remember him telling me “why can’t you be normal?   Just forget you ever met me”.  Ok, sure, let me rewind my brain 10 years back.

After a few years of dealing with my grief internally, I finally decided that enough was enough.  First I forgave myself.  Then I forgave him.  It takes too much out of a person to continue to hate.  I wanted to be better than that.

Until last night, I hadn’t seen him in years, as he had moved in with mistress wife over the border.   I thought I was finally free of ex-sightings.  Of course they seated our dinner party right next to their table.  As I passed by, I said hello John, hello Michelle.  And then I sat with my back to them.  So far so good.  I was proud of myself for acknowledging his presence with good grace.  Then wifey poo got up to go to the ladies room.  As soon as she was gone, he called my name out and asked me a question.  My head spun around like Reagan’s on The Exorcist and I spat something mean out like “what do you care?”.  My friends around the table had no idea who he was, and were quite shocked at my behavior.  I could tell by the look on their faces.  So I put my head on right again, and turned and apologized, and answered his question.

Thankfully, they hurried up with their after dinner drinks and left shortly thereafter.  I then explained to my friends who he was and why I turned into the exorcist.  He didn’t really ruin my entire evening, but it was still upsetting, even after all these years.  Nobody wants to conjure up bad memories.  The best part tho was that The Messiah called me right after the ex spoke to me, and when I answered the phone I said “hi honey”.  Not sure why I did, I don’t think the ex could hear me, but I used to call the ex honey and so I was all discombobulated.  I could hardly hear The Messiah so I begged off the call saying I was at dinner with the girls.  I have no idea if he caught the “honey” greeting, or what he thought of it.

So.  Over and done with.  I didn’t even tell him that my lab Mollie, that I had bought for HIM for our anniversary, had recently died.  Not sure if he even would have cared.  Probably not.  My mom died shortly after our divorce and he was too cowardly to even send a card.  The rest of his family did and some even stopped by the church service.  In fact I am still friends with most of them.

Yes, I have forgiven him.  He doesn’t answer to me anymore.  He WILL have to answer to God some day, and I am quite certain that he will indeed be “Left Behind”.  One day I hope I can forget him and all the pain etc. he caused in my life.  Wipe him entirely out of my mind, like he did, in one day.


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