I’m not the “other” woman, I’m the “safe” woman

I first came to realize this on a flight to Florida a few years ago.  I was traveling alone, as is the norm for a divorced single woman, to visit my cousin in Fort Lauderdale.  I had reserved a bulkhead window seat for the extra leg room.  As the plane was filling up, I noticed a family of four pausing in my aisle to stow overhead baggage etc.  A nice looking family, handsome father, beautiful mother, two adorable well-behaved children.  The seating on this plane was three on one side, two on the other.  My side.

The mother and two children sat in the 3 seats.  The handsome father settled himself next to me, as I surreptitiously checked him out over the top of my book.  I glanced up, and he immediately introduced himself to me and his family.  Then the talking began.  We talked non-stop until we reached the airport.  Every so often I would glance over at the wife with my Catholic guilt radar beeping full blast, expecting the jealous, hostile glare.  Never once did she look over.  She was either busy with the children or had her nose buried in her own book.

As the hours flew by, I started to wonder why the wife wasn’t too concerned that her handsome husband was being a social butterfly with his seat mate.  And then the “duh” moment hit me.  It was because I wasn’t a threat.  I wasn’t young, I wasn’t beautiful, I wasn’t going to seduce her husband with sly glances from underneath sweeping lashes while stretching my curvy, nubile body for his inspection.  I was just…..a pleasant seat mate.  Some one to pass the time with.  A good conversationalist.  The trustworthy woman who can hang with the men, cheering on their team, being a buddy, a BFF, but never a girlfriend/lover/mistress.  The femme fatale mantle just does not fit me.

I felt like I could have been flirting/cheating right underneath her nose, and nobody was noticing it.  Therefore, it would only exist in MY mind.  However, that would never happen, because I have been on the receiving end of a lying cheating husband TWICE, and I swore I would NEVER do that to another woman.  I don’t care if I found my soul mate or not, I would never put someone else through that pain.  My ex-husband’s wife who plotted and planned to steal him away from me FLASHED her wedding rings at me when I accidently ran into them a few weeks back.  Really?  I can’t comprehend that.

Other women must get that vibe from me, and feel safe.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.


8 thoughts on “I’m not the “other” woman, I’m the “safe” woman

  1. It’s generally considered a GOOD thing to be trustworthy, but I know what you mean. You want to be perceived as a threat, even if you know you wouldn’t follow through.

    Just wanted to tell you your “virgin” entry in my writing competition is up and looks great. Check it out! http://pegoleg.wordpress.com/

  2. I think this is good overall.

    You’ve described yourself as friendly, welcoming, easy to talk to. Very important things for a relationship as well as a safe friendship.

    If you were Miss Super Stud, perhaps Dad would have chatted you up, even with Mom nearby. And then what — a torrid affair or a love triangle? Guys might chat you up all the time, but would they want to stay afterwards?

    If you can’t have it all, and few can, then being a nice person is a big thing.

    Of course, when you do find someone who’s right for you, then you can be ‘super-hussy’ behind closed doors. 🙂

  3. She may have flashed her wedding ring at you my friend
    but you are the better person and don’t you ever forget it 🙂

    Have a very nice weekend…


  4. I totally agree! I don’t understand women who set out to steal a another woman’s man and THEN rub the woman’s nose in it on top of it all. Where is the loyalty? I’m not saying all women are like that obviously from your post I am not alone in my way of thinking.

    My ex is a narcissist that plays women against each other, using one to make the other one jealous, or to hurt the other one. I refused to play his game but I was amazed at how these women will play right into it. I don’t care what story he’s telling them, they need to check themselves!

    I don’t respect the man but I really think the woman should show more consideration; after all as my ex said in his POF profile.
    “You can’t be first but you could be next”.

    The next one in a long line of broken hearts; don’t get too cocky sunshine!

    Good post!

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