It’s March. In Chicago. The A/C is on. This is to prevent the massive rivers of sweat that cascading down my face, soaking my hair and blinding my eyes, and trickling between my breasts.
Obviously this is not an acceptable condition, especially for a woman. I suppose I could blame this on a whole bunch of things, like age, weight, mentalpause, etc., except for the fact that I had rivers of sweat since forever, when I was young and skinny and not mental….yet. I am the woman who never owned a winter coat. No need. I am my own furnace.
We broke the 80 degree record yesterday. It has been a very warm winter. Seems like we are also skipping spring, and rolling right into summer. I have put away all the winter garb and stocked my closet with summer stuff.
Yesterday I saw boaters, walkers, bikers, you name it. Everybody outside enjoying the warmth and sunshine. Not me. Nope. No way. I stayed inside my nice cool house, where I was sweating anyway. But at least I can have a fan blow on me to soak up the sweat.
I am so desperate that I ordered something called “Sweat Block” wipes online. In fact, it just arrived at my doorstep. It was designed for armpits, but can be used elsewhere. My armpits are fine. I am a sweat head. I am gonna take these sweat block wipes and do my entire head, from scalp to face. Supposed to last for 7 days. If it lasts for 7 hours, I’ll be happy. I’ll be sweat free.
I’ll let you know how it works……
P.S. To all you men out there who are laughing at my expense….don’t be a hater. Sweaters are women, too.