Can you ever go back?

He was my next door neighbor when I was in high school.  He was in college.  I thought he was so cool.  Tall, dark, handsome, rugby player.  I had a crush on him from afar.

I also had a crush on the youngest brother.  He was a twin, and his sister was my best friend then.  We would both practice our cheers all day long.  He was the star football player, and cute as could be.  But a year behind me in school, and in high school, girls didn’t date younger.  Guys could, but girls couldn’t.  Robbing the cradle mentality I guess.  Cougars weren’t invented back then.

However, I grew up liking younger men.  I’m in a permanently young state of mind.  (It’s that magic mirror I have, that takes away all the fat and wrinkles).  I stayed friends with the twins even after moving away, but gradually grew apart.  The boy eventually moved to my new neck of the woods for a job, so we renewed our friendship.  Friends only.  He wasn’t my type romantically anymore.  But he was the BEST friend a person could have, and helped me tremendously through my divorce.  God sent him to me for a reason.

Recently we had lunch together, and he mentioned his oldest brother was divorced.  I jokingly said we should call him, I always had a crush on him.  Well, we did.  And so a relationship of sorts started on the phone with him.  He still lived back in my old home town, about 4 hours away.  Soon he asked if he could come and visit.  I was a little nervous about welcoming a “stranger” into my home after so long, but I agreed.  I told him up front he would stay in the guest room or a hotel.  He opted for the guest room.

When I first saw him, my system was a bit jolted.  My mind’s image of him was still based on his college days, not his old age days.  Let’s just say that time has not been kind to him.  Or me, for that matter.  He brought load after load of crap from his trunk into my house.  For a two day stay.   We got along “ok” but I really didn’t feel much of a spark or connection with him.  He smoked like a chimney.  He wore rumpled wrinkled old clothes.  He really didn’t have many social graces.  (Farting in public?  In front of me?)  Also very stubborn and set in ways.  Oh, and did I mention the Darth Vader mask  CPAP machine?  Neither did he before he came.  And he had some, um, other “issues”.  Age related prolly.  (Another reason not to date older men).  But, I gave it the old college try, on two different weekends.  But when he wanted to come for a holiday “week”, I just had to put the kabosh on things.  No way could I manage this disruption in my home for that long. I didn’t have enough room in my house for all the things he would probably bring.  Pots. Pans. Herbs. Food.  Leftover food. Bags of open chips etc.  Suitcases full of rumpled clothes.  My patience would have snapped.

I tried to let him down gently, but I guess I was a little rusty at breakups.  He wanted details.  I mentioned the smoking and messiness and taking over my house.  But I also felt an enormous amount of guilt, since I used to pray to God and say “all I want is a nice man with a good 401K plan and health insurance”, and God dropped him into my lap, and here I am, tossing him back.

So we let things lie for a while.  He would send me love letters and presents, in the mail.  Snail mail.  He quit smoking, which was HUGE.  Slowly I started to forget his annoyances.  So when he texted me and asked if I wanted to go on a date, and meet halfway somewhere, I was amenable.  I googled some places, and off I went for a overnite date at a casino hotel.  I wasn’t totally hopeful, but I thought he deserved another try.  A neutral location with lots of fun to be had might be just the ticket.  I went with an open mind.

So how does the story end?  I’m going to let you, the readers, choose!  It will be fun to see the responses and the different scenarios!  I want you guys to write the ending to this love story!  Go!


2 thoughts on “Can you ever go back?

  1. I am sure there are a lot of women who can relate to this story. You build up this idea of a man in your head. But when you meet him, its nothing like you remembered or imagined. I can just picture this man showing up at your house with a bunch of crap. It sounds like he is making positive changes now. So, I am hoping for you that it is the beginning of love.

  2. Well Jan you have to follow your heart. You have been alone for along time so you will be annoyed by someone else living with you. But you have to ask yourself can you overlook these things? You are a clean and neat person. But the real question is do you feel anything for him? Is your mind thinking of him all the time and wishing you could be with him. If not there is no need to go any further.

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