Take a ride on the Wall Street rollercoast – REDUX

Again, another blog I wrote awhile back.  Seems apropos again, which is sad.  When will we/they learn?

First of all, I HATE rollercoasters, I have vertigo and don’t like that feeling of losing my stomach and the fear of hurling off into space.  And that is exactly how Wall Street is making me feel lately, and I don’t like it.  So here’s what I want to know….

Where’s MY bailout??????  Remember back in 2008 when the Treasury’s TARP bill gave $500 BILLION to the banks to bail them out?  Well, that doesn’t count all the money the FED gave to banks and big companies in “loans”.  Do a little digging and you will find that it all added up to $1.2 TRILLION.  Yes, TRILLION.   The total amount lent to the private banking sector by the federal government was  about the same as the current amount of 6.5 million delinquent or foreclosed mortgages.  However, those borrowers haven’t gotten any meaningful government help.  The banks were covered, and then turned around and screwed their customers and forced them out of their homes.

I remember thinking way back in 2008, why don’t they just give all U.S. taxpayers $1 million each, and we could all pay back our own loans and perhaps have a little something left for retirement.  The bank would get paid, the auto companies would get paid, the charge cards would get paid…..everybody would be a winner.  But no.  Too easy, I guess.  The government would never trust the American people to bail themselves out, just like they don’t trust us to save for our own retirement.  Yeah, that social security is really gonna help us.

Retirees have lost a huge portion of their nest egg, and nobody is helping them, it’s all THEIR fault.  The middle class gets nothing except a shrinking paycheck or unemployment.  The rich are protected by the Republicans.  And the Democrats are lame ducks.  Which means they are sitting ducks, with Republicans taking pot shots at them in a barrel.  I have lost ALL faith and ALL respect for our government.  We the people, blah blah blah.  Nobody is a winner here, whether you are a Democrat or a Republican.  Let’s all blame one or the other.  That will do us a lot of good.

Ok, I’m stepping down from my soapbox now.

Adam Lambert – King of Guyliner – REDUX

Another oldie about one of my fav musicians.  Enjoy!

Adam Lambert did not win American Idol, and I know why.  First, a lot of people probably didn’t feel comfortable with his sexuality.  Even though he didn’t formally announce his gay orientation until after the show ended, a simple Google search would have shown you many pictures that were quite obvious in his choice.  Some that were borderline distasteful, and turned many people off, in that regard, including myself.  But that did not change my opinion of him as a singer.

Second, Kris Allen sang the right song at the right time in the competition.  While Adam Lambert totally KILLED every song he sang every week, Kris’s rendition of Kayne West’s Heartless blew every teenager away the last night of competition.  He was just so dang cute.  I knew immediately that night that Kris would ultimately win, even though Adam outsang him and outperformed him every week.  Adam was made for the stage.  He is very…theatrical.  His rendition of Mad World was one for the ages.  And one of my personal favorites was Ring of Fire.  Anybody that can make me like a Johnny Cash song has to be fabulous.  Every week was a new adventure on Idol, because of Adam.

The finale of American Idol was insane.  Adam Lambert as Freddy Mercury was off the hook.  He could have joined Queen or Kiss and never missed a beat.  He made Kris Allen look pathetic.  But by then the die was cast, and Kris Allen was already voted to be the American Idol.  And no one was more surprised than Kris.

Luckily for Adam, he was then free to record and go on tour after his committment to Idol was done.  Adam’s first album went gold.  His world tour was fabulous.  Let’s see, where was Kris Allen……

Adam Lambert has a once in a lifetime voice.  So does Lea Michele, from Glee.  I would love to have those two collaborate on a song or two.  It would be the ultimate duet!

Love Story Woven into Songs – REDUX

Another oldie, this one especially for my Gavin Girls, a group of fangirls that love Gavin DeGraw as much as I do!  If you know any of his songs, you will enjoy this story even more….

She went to the concert by herself.  She was too embarrassed to ask any of her girlfriends to go with her.  They would think she was crazy ier.  She couldn’t explain her obsession, even to herself.  She was too old.  Wasn’t his type.  She told herself every excuse in the book.  But every night she dreamt about him.  Every day she watched his face, as she listened to his voice online.  All 17″ of him.  She wasn’t prepared, however, for the physical impact of seeing him in person….  She had saved up for a good seat and felt like she was staring right up at him.  Goose bumps ran up and down her spine, and she felt light-headed, like she would faint.  Her heart froze up and she forgot to breathe….and then he seemed to smile right down at her as he sang “I get you through it nice and slow, when the world’s spinning out of control”…. Pretty soon she couldn’t tell the reality from the dream.  Things started to get a bit hazy after the concert….

She found herself standing backstage, along with the usual groupies.  Someone asked her something, and she stuttered, “I’m with the band”.  They smiled knowingly, and walked on by. The band was winding down, having a few drinks.  Billy, his buddy and guitarist, handed her a glass.  She took a sip, and grimaced.  Then she heard the voice.  His voice.

“I’m drinking the brown liquor tonight, my friend”, he said.  “If that doesn’t suit you, I’m sure I could find some white lightning”, as he grinned, showing his boyish cockeyed toothy smile that melted hearts.  She looked up, and then around, wondering.  Is he talking to HER?  He clinked his glass to hers.  She could not move.  She was mesmerized.  His brown eyes crinkled at her, as he leaned his long, lanky frame on the doorway.  He put his free hand up on the other side, trapping her in between.

“What’s your story, sunshine, haven’t seen you around here before”, he said.  She lost her words, and downed the contents of her glass, hoping for some liquid courage.  She came up almost choking on the taste, but managed to hold it down.  As it burned fire in her belly, she could finally speak.  She leaned forward, and put her hand on his vest.  “I came here for you”, she said.

“Couple more of these”, he said as he tipped his glass full of brown liquor to her, “and you might just get your wish little lady”.

He whispered in her ear, “You’re like an angel, got me feeling like a devil, and I wanna give you something, if you promise that you won’t tell“.  He pulled a piece of black licorice out of his pocket, and dangled it in front of her.  “My favorite vice”, he said “besides coffee.”   “Goes good with the whiskey”, he breathed in my face.  She leaned forward and they took a bite together.  He smelled deliciously of well-earned sweat, whiskey, licorice and a faint lingering scent of cologne.  She inhaled deeply, to imprint his pheromones in her senses forever.

He pushed his hat back a bit with the glass in his hand.  She raised her eyes and said teasingly “Always with the hat?”  Leaning back against the door frame he said “That’s an excellent question, darlin’, an excellent question.  I’ve always worn a hat, since Little League, and now, I guess I think it adds to the mystery.  Does he or doesn’t he have hair, now that is the real question.”  “I know you have hair”, she said, “I’ve seen pictures without”.   “Now see you’ve gone and spoiled my mystique.  That’s all I’ve got going on”, he grinned.  “Oh, you’ve got a lot more than a hat going on”, she said.

“Maybe we should explore that”, he said, while pouring some more of the brown liquor.  “You’ll be my vacation away from this place. You know what I want.  Holding that cup, It’s pouring over the sides.  Make me wanna spread my arms and fly.

She reached for his hand.  He wrapped his fingers around hers, and looking back said “Billy, I’m leaving you for tonight, take care of the tour bus.” “Soon enough I’m taking my shot”.  He cocked his fingers like a gun. “Bang”.

They walked to the parking lot towards her car, away from the horde of fans waiting for him at the tour bus.  She said “You shouldn’t leave your fans disappointed”.  “Not to worry” he said.  “Most of them are happy enough with Pretty Boy Billy”.  As they drove towards her house, she glanced over at him.  “Well I would imagine you have all kinds of girlfriends everywhere”, trying to sound nonchalant about the images playing in her head.  He stared at her a moment.  “Well”, he said, “Let me be perfectly honest”.  “So before this goes too far, let me tell you what you are.  You’re amazing, I’m attracted, but I’m terribly distracted.  And I’m trying to be verbal, and I’m back into this circle because I just found someone special.  And that’s really something special if you knew me.  Nice to meet you, nice to meet you, nice to meet you anyway.  And even if you want me to stay here, I’m telling you right now I should leave before I get to changing my mind, dear. I hope you understand what I mean.”

She stopped the car in her driveway, and froze with her hands on the wheel.  She should turn around and take him back to his bus.  She wasn’t going to make herself a one-night stand, a moment of weakness, a mistake, just another cheap groupie looking for someone to brag about.   But he was honest with her, and she appreciated him all the more for it.  He placed his hand on hers.  She turned her head, looked deep into his eyes.  Satisfied, she took the keys out of the ignition, and opened her car door, walking up to the house without looking back…..

He followed her to the front door.  Put his hands on her shoulders, and turned her around.  He touched his forehead to hers.  “Darlin’, I think you understand me.  That I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately.  All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind.  I’m tired of looking ’round rooms wondering what I’ve got to do or who I’m supposed to be.  I don’t want to be anything other than me.”  “You are all I want, all I dream about”, she said.  The door closed silently behind them.

She awoke slowly, not wanting her dream to end.  She kept her eyes shut, trying to prolong it.  She knew it was just a dream, but it all felt so real….she sighed as she rolled over to the other side of the bed.  And felt the warmth of a recently departed body.  Her eyes flew open, as she frantically searched her brain and the room for any clues.  Surely it was all a dream.  The best dream.   She blinked as she saw a t-shirt laid across her nightstand.  She grabbed it and held it close to her breast and inhaled of it deeply.   A note fluttered to the floor:

“I’m in love with a girl who knows me better.  Fell for the woman just when I met her. Took my sweet time when I was bitter.  Someone understands.  And she knows how to treat a fella right.  Give me that feeling every night.  Wants to make love when I wanna fight.  Now someone understand me.  I’m in love with a girl, I’m in love with a girl, in love with a girl.  And her name is YOU.”

She rolled back on her back.  How could this be happening to her?  Surely she would never see him again.  Then her phone chirped.  Incoming voice mail, from a number she didn’t recognize.  With her heart pounding, she pressed the button, and heard his voice again…

“Oh, this is the start of something  good, don’t  you agree?  I haven’t felt like this in so many moons, you  know what I mean?  And we can build through this destruction as we are standing on our feet.  So since you want to be with me, you’ll have to follow through with every word you say.  And I, all I really want is you, you to stick around.  I’ll see you everyday.  But you have  to follow through.  You have to  follow through”.

She clutched the phone to her and wept with joy.  Oh yes.  Hell yes.  She would follow through.  She would follow him to the ends of the earth.  Then, startled out of her revelry, she looked at her ringing phone.  It was the same number, calling.  She smiled as she hit the green button….

Where is my debt ceiling? REDUX

Another oldie but goodie for you folks.  This one is from last summer.  Funny how things circle around again.  This was written when the “fiscal cliff” was imminent and we put it off again.  And here we go again!

Well at the last minute possible we averted financial disaster.  Whew!  That was a close call.  Kept our triple A rating tho, and that’s the bottom line, right?  No?  You mean there’s more to it than that?  Far reaching repercussions of a lame duck congress?  Well, at least Obama was able to make it to Chicago to celebrate his birthday on time.  Oh, and a fund raiser.  A very expensive fun raiser.  And I’m sure the congress members scattered like leaves in the wind as soon as the vote was over.  After all, they have worked HARD this summer!  So they left a few issues on the table that will end up costing the government millions/billions.  Whatever.  They will get to it all in due time.  I mean, come on, they were forced to work over a holiday this year!  What sacrifices they make for us.  Us people with no jobs, no insurance, no government pension, no light at the end of OUR tunnels!  Where’s OUR bailout?  How high does OUR debt ceiling go before we self implode?

Maybe our government should be more concerned with taking care of the AMERICAN people before they care of every other stinking person on this planet.  Maybe our fingers are in too many pies, or trying to hold too many dikes back.  We are always the first ones to come to the rescue, and stick our noses in other countries business.  When will WE come first?  There are sick and starving and homeless people in THIS fine country of ours.  There are home grown terrorists here.  There are natural catastrophes here.  There is civil unrest here.  When will we solve our OWN problems, and quit trying to solve the problems of the world first?

It’s just too easy to point the finger and blame somebody else.  It’s the President’s fault.  It’s the Republican’s fault.  It’s the Tea Party’s fault.  It’s the Union’s fault.  It’s never MY fault, or OUR fault.

Maybe we all need to get back to a simpler life, where we are responsible for our own actions, our own debt, our own country.  Live and let live.  Help out when you can.  Share what you can.  Make the world a better place, by starting at home.

Michael Jackson – A Tragedy of Black of White – REDUX

Michael Jackson

I originally posted this a couple of years ago when I started blogging.  I have fallen off the pace as of late due to family crisis, but thought I would share some of my old musings for my newer followers.  I will get back on the horse in the new year.  Meanwhile, enjoy some of my previous posts!

I must preface this by stating that I am conflicted by the whole MJ thing.

On the one hand he was an amazing talent with huge entertainment value. I spent a whole weekend rewatching all his videos and listening to his songs. I had forgotten how revolutionary he was. His dance steps were a world into themselves. He moved with seemingly effortless grace, the result of perfecting his moves in front of mirrors. He had an instinctually knowledge of how to move his body to the best visual effect. There is no doubt in my mind that he was indeed the King of Pop. The Thriller video still excites me to this day. The Guinness World Records dubbed the video the “Most Successful Music Video” of all time. Also, it’s interesting that both of his ex-wives speak very fondly of him. Lisa Marie blogged that their marriage was not a sham, and that she failed him. He knew he would die a similar death to her father’s. Debbie Rowe has not said anything derogatory about him that I have seen so far (of course the money gag helps). They both said they were very happy being married to him.

On the other hand, however, I look at the metamorphasis that is MJ, especially physically. Pictures don’t lie, and scanning the photos of him from child to death is like looking at a tragic plastic surgery story gone wrong. I read where every time he looked in the mirror, he saw his father’s face, and so he kept trying to erase that face. MJ was very successful at eradicating every vestige of African American features he had. His skin was pure white. His nose was thin and small, too much so. His lips were thin and dainty. His children were of white biological parents. Yet ironically the black community still holds him up as an icon of their race.

Brooke Shields described him as being asexual, and I think that is the perfect description of him. Most of his dancing was very sexually explicit (I believe he started the crotch-grabbing phase), yet in real life he was child like in his behavior and demeanor. I think he genuinely loved children as he could relate to them the best. Was he a pediphile? Did he touch children inappropriately? A jury says no. Multi-million dollar “settlements” are suspect tho. Doesn’t prove he is guilty, doesn’t prove he is innocent. I don’t think we will ever know, as he only answers to God now.

He was very generous, and gave millions to charity. However, Bill O’Reilly criticized Jackson for “incredible selfishness — spending hundreds of million dollars on himself while singing ‘We Are the World,'” and said that it “should make any clear-thinking American nauseous.” I tend to agree with part of that statement. I remember watching a TV special on MJ some years back, and he would walk into stores and point at things and they would be bought and delivered to his house. Millions of dollars of things he probably never looked at again.

Finally, he wasn’t called Wacko Jacko for nothing. Think Neverland, Bubbles the chimp, surgical masks, baby over balcony, oxygen chambers, the Elephant Man. I could go on and on but you get my drift. One thing you can say about Michael was there was never a dull moment. I think he was a tortured soul. The drugs found in his house would attest to that. I think his upcoming tour would have put him back in the limelight in a GOOD way. I am sorry we won’t be able to share that moment with him.

He went from King of Pop to Wacko Jacko. A true tragedy of Black and White.

“I Am Tired Of This Devil I Am Tired Of This Stuff I Am Tired Of This Business

It Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White”

Death surrounds us

It was not the best of days today.  Yesterday my BIL died of a heart attack.  In the midst of trying to make death arrangements, our country once again was placed in the hands of a madman who decided to murder children.

I am mad.  I am angry.  I am frightened.

It is bad enough that we have to witness the death of our loved ones from “natural causes” like heart disease.  It is yet a whole different ballgame when we have to watch our children be slaughtered by some sick asshole with a gun.

When will it stop?  How do we stop it?  Why does it happen?  Where do they get the guns?  Should they have guns?  Do we need to ban guns?

So many questions, that will never be answered.  The answer died with a mentally ill gunman who had an obvious distaste for his mother.  Just wish he had kept his family dysfunction at home, and not taken it to the public sector.  Another infamous gunman.  Such a waste.

Instead of being able to concentrate on my family and make arrangements to lay a good man to rest, I gotta listen to death and destruction laid upon poor innocent people’s doorstep.

Everyone is shocked and appalled.  Even our President, apparently.  I can’t believe all the bashing I am seeing of him because he spoke as a parent to other parents and shed a few tears.  Jeez people, take your misguided anger and frustration out on the fuckers shooting up America.  You want the gun laws changed?  Overnight?  Good luck with that.  Doesn’t matter who is President.  The debate will be/has been argued on both sides for decades.

An awful thing.  My BIL died.  And so did so many more people.  They will all be mourned.

You’d cry too if it happened to you

tearCrying.  It sucks.  Ruins your make-up.  Makes your eyes red and causes snot to run out your nose.  Screws up your sinuses for at least a day.

To those people who say that a good cry is cleansing and good for the soul, I call bullshit.  At least for me, it is NOT a fun time and makes me look like a sniveling idiot.  I do not cry cute crocodile tears.  I cry toxic tears that groove a red path down my face.

But, I’m a crier.  Always have been, always will be, I guess.  I blame it on middle child syndrome.

Sometimes I cry more than other times.  I cried for an entire year after my divorce.  No, really.  AN ENTIRE YEAR.  I blame my ex for not only be a lying cheating alcoholic scumbag, but for aging me at least ten years.  (Divorce decrees should come with built-in plastic surgery clauses for the aggrieved).  I cried at my last job almost every day for the last year and half of my employment when the narcissist bully boss yelled at me. My court case this past year and a half has caused me many tears and fears and sleepless nights.  Again, not good for the appearance.

Let me tell you, crying is not good for maintaining a youthful appearance, it causes wrinkles and bags under your eyes.  I don’t care how many cold rags or cucumbers you put under your eyes.

How do I turn off the faucet?  I have tried many things.  Paxil during the day and Xanax at night seems to work the best.  It helps control my emotions and even out the rollercoaster.  I’ll still cry at Animal Planet, but I won’t just burst into tears for no good reason like usual.

Better living through pharmaceuticals?  Maybe.  But as with everything, it comes at a price.  Paxil puts on the pounds.  Xanax should be saved for special needs.

So.  Now that the worst is behind me, I believe that I am a happy person again.  I have stopped taking Paxil and Xanax now for months.  I used to take TWO anti-depressants plus Xanax.  Now I take ZERO.

I still cry, probably more than a normal person.  But I do recognize that I shouldn’t cry at whatever I am crying about, and stop pretty quickly.  No more long sobbing episodes that ruin me for a good day or two.

I am proud of myself.  It has been a long road.  But I believe I have come out the other side a better person after all my trials and tribulations.  If you see me cry now, please know that it will be short-lived and I will smile through my tears.  Will other things cause me to cry in the future?  Probably.  But not today.  Today is a good day.  Next year will be a good year.

Merry Christmas my friends.  Please remember to keep the Christ in Christmas.

A Blind guy and a Pie

I had an interesting afternoon today.  In fact, I’ve had a very busy week or two, with tradesmen in and out for estimates and installations etc. as I try to fix up my sorely neglected house.

But today was more “interesting” than most.  A guy came today to measure my 2nd story Octagon window for a window treatment.  A blind of sorts.  He was very friendly and we got to gabbing (what, who me?) and then he said he would hang my store-bought drapes for me in the bedroom.   By that point I knew that he was an attractive, kind-of-single guy (divorced but has girlfriend).  Soooooo, I offered him a piece of my pie that I had just taken out of the oven.  Carmel Apple/Peach lattice with butter crumb topping.  He just drooled and said yes.  So while he was hanging drapes, I got busy making coffee and dishing up pie. 🙂

PieWhen he was done with the drapes we sat in the kitchen drinking coffee, eating pie, and talking.  And talking.  And talking.  Almost 2 hours talking.  We got along very well, to say the least.  It’s too bad I had wet hair and no make-up on when he came to my house, but who knew?  So I guess he saw me at my worst, lol.

I’ll probably never see him again after he installs my blinds next week, since he has a girlfriend.  BUT, perhaps I shall bake a cake or another pie that day and curl my hair and put a little make-up on.  Probably won’t help, but it’s always nice to let them know what they are missing out on!

And for all your dirty girls out there on Facebook who were hoping for a totally different story…..stay tuned!  One more visit to go!