You’d cry too if it happened to you

tearCrying.  It sucks.  Ruins your make-up.  Makes your eyes red and causes snot to run out your nose.  Screws up your sinuses for at least a day.

To those people who say that a good cry is cleansing and good for the soul, I call bullshit.  At least for me, it is NOT a fun time and makes me look like a sniveling idiot.  I do not cry cute crocodile tears.  I cry toxic tears that groove a red path down my face.

But, I’m a crier.  Always have been, always will be, I guess.  I blame it on middle child syndrome.

Sometimes I cry more than other times.  I cried for an entire year after my divorce.  No, really.  AN ENTIRE YEAR.  I blame my ex for not only be a lying cheating alcoholic scumbag, but for aging me at least ten years.  (Divorce decrees should come with built-in plastic surgery clauses for the aggrieved).  I cried at my last job almost every day for the last year and half of my employment when the narcissist bully boss yelled at me. My court case this past year and a half has caused me many tears and fears and sleepless nights.  Again, not good for the appearance.

Let me tell you, crying is not good for maintaining a youthful appearance, it causes wrinkles and bags under your eyes.  I don’t care how many cold rags or cucumbers you put under your eyes.

How do I turn off the faucet?  I have tried many things.  Paxil during the day and Xanax at night seems to work the best.  It helps control my emotions and even out the rollercoaster.  I’ll still cry at Animal Planet, but I won’t just burst into tears for no good reason like usual.

Better living through pharmaceuticals?  Maybe.  But as with everything, it comes at a price.  Paxil puts on the pounds.  Xanax should be saved for special needs.

So.  Now that the worst is behind me, I believe that I am a happy person again.  I have stopped taking Paxil and Xanax now for months.  I used to take TWO anti-depressants plus Xanax.  Now I take ZERO.

I still cry, probably more than a normal person.  But I do recognize that I shouldn’t cry at whatever I am crying about, and stop pretty quickly.  No more long sobbing episodes that ruin me for a good day or two.

I am proud of myself.  It has been a long road.  But I believe I have come out the other side a better person after all my trials and tribulations.  If you see me cry now, please know that it will be short-lived and I will smile through my tears.  Will other things cause me to cry in the future?  Probably.  But not today.  Today is a good day.  Next year will be a good year.

Merry Christmas my friends.  Please remember to keep the Christ in Christmas.

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