And here it is almost two years later. Things are better. So much better. 2011 was surely my hell on earth. I lost so many things that year. I used to wonder why I was being punished, and would say that I must have been a horrible person in a previous life.
The loss of my pets still guts me. I second guess myself to this day. Did I miss something, could I have done something better. I loved my pets as much, if not more, than I love some human. To me, they were human. They could read my mind, as I could read theirs. They were all beautiful creatures, inside and out. Maddie was the cutest little golden retriever, with a heart as pure as gold. She was taken too soon from me by kidney disease. Only six years I had her. She truly was a Golden Angel. My Mollie was my big bad lab, and she was the most gorgeous white lab I had ever seen. Long legs, not a blocky head, a proud tale that could clear a table in one swipe. She lived a long life for a lab, but the day I put her down was one of my darkest ever. The vet tech and I laid on the floor with her for over an hour just sobbing. That day I went home, and now there were no dogs waiting for me with love shining from their eyes, and pure joy waggling their butts.
So that left Simon. My beautiful Simon the Siamese cat. He was my sister’s, but always loved me the best, as I did him. I took him after Maddie died, as I need a new bed companion. He was the BEST cat ever. Ever. Gorgeous, loyal, and followed me everywhere. Sat on a chair in my office, sat on my lap watching TV, laid in his kitty bed on the bed next to me. Mollie and Simon just ignored each other, so everyone got along just fine. After Mollie died, it was just the two of us. I knew I could never bring another dog into my home, the pain was just too great. Simon was only six, I had many years left with him.
Except I didn’t. After only 4 months, Simon too died, after a horrible night at the emergency vet. I was in shock. Really, God? Really? I was inconsolable. That Sunday at church, I kept asking God why. I was such a good mommy. Why did God take my beloved pets from me?
I know the answer to that, unfortunately. God gives me the special needs animals. The animals that need special food and the meds. The animals that need someone observant enough of their habits to realize when something is wrong. The animals that would love me unconditionally, and give me back the love I so wanted and needed.
.But. I just cannot live without a pet. My heart is not ready yet for a dog, but cats are perfect, because they are more independent. I have two new cats now. They both have special needs, although I was not aware of it when I rescued them. Ozzy has a defective bladder, and requires special food and meds. Izzy has kitty colitis, and also requires special food. But they are worth it. They give me joy and love and all the affection I could possibly want, especially my Siamese Izzy. They love each other and sleep curled up together in their kitty bed on my bed, or under the covers with me. We are a good trio. I am so happy Ozzy and Izzy found me, and adopted me.
As far as everything else goes, I have rekindled old friendships, and found new ones. I have re-discovered my self-respect, self-love, and self-determination. Sure, there have been bumps along the way, but my path is smooth now. I work for myself and reap my own rewards. Sink or swim, I am in control of my own destiny.