September 11, 2001…..what where YOU doing? Redux 9/11/15

Wow. I remember it so clearly, like it happened yesterday.  Probably because it was during one of the worst times of my life.

My husband had up and left me for another woman without any warning right beforehand.  So every year I get to remember, revisit, redream.  It sucks.  But at least I will never forget.

On Sept. 11th I was at work, crying in my office, as I had done for the past few weeks.  My internet alerted a flashing news story, and I watched the pictures of the first plane’s aftermath online.  I had a real bad feeling.  So bad that I stopped crying.

When the second plane hit, I knew it for what it was.  Everybody crowded around in front of computers, watching the story unfold.  One of the girls brought in a small TV to watch it on.  I was starting to get scared, and wondering if I should talk to the bosses about sending people home.  It seemed like everyone in Chicago had gone home.  But the big boss came out of his office, and told us to shut off the TV and for everybody to get back to work.  What a patriot, huh?  Asshole.

I went home alone, to an empty house, scared.  I was so scared I didn’t want to watch it on TV anymore.  I went and sat in the back yard with the dogs, and rocked back and forth in my chair.  I saw my ex drive by down the road with his new girlfriend in the car, and I had the uncharitable thought that I wished it was him in the WTC instead of some other decent person.  Then the Catholic school girl guilt kicked in and I felt bad.  So instead I wished it was me.  That’s what the Catholic school did to me.  Ha.

Anyway, I got through it.  We all did.  We all bucked up and became stronger for it.  I got divorced a couple of weeks later, and got used to taking off my shoes in an airport.  It was a sad time for us all.

By the time the one year anniversary rolled around, I was no longer sad, but mad.  Mad about both things.  So I wrote a poem about it.  I published it on the one year anniversary, and have posted it in some form or fashion every year since.  It helps remind me of where I was in that heartbreaking moment.  Here it is again:

The anniversary of 9/11

Twin Towers
Two twin towers were standing tall.
Two twin towers were about to fall.
Twas Sept. 11th, a beautiful day,
Tho I did not know it. I couldn’t find my way.
My mind was clouded, my heart was shattered.
My husband had left me ….. I felt battered.
My life was over, my heart was aching,
I could almost feel my spirit breaking.
I selfishly thought nothing was worse than this pain,
Little did I know what was to happen, again.
Two twin towers were standing tall.
Two twin towers were about to fall.
Evil had come to visit us that day.
Evil was here, and here to stay.
Evil reared back and rose its ugly head,
Evil wouldn’t be happy unless we were dead.
Evil looked around, and Evil was jealous.
Evil licked his lips, Evil was zealous.
Evil wanted to bring the U.S. down,
Evil picked New York as his target town.
Two twin towers were standing tall.
Two twin towers were about to fall.
Our planes would become weapons of destruction,
Evil thought nothing would become an obstruction.
But there was something that Evil didn’t know…
How Americans loved their country so.
We rallied around, we held our heads high.
Even as we mourned and our eyes did cry.
Our heroes were everywhere, even in the sky.
We shook our heads, and we asked WHY?
Two twin towers were standing tall.
Two twin towers were about to fall.
Something inside of me sparked that day,
And a guiding light was showing me the way.
My personal troubles were bad, that was true.
But nothing compared to the Red, White and Blue.
So I dried off my tears,
I shrugged off my fears.
I stood tall, I stood proud.
Courage took over, it shouted out loud.
Everyone knows that Evil lurks within,
But we will not falter and let Evil win.
We will guard our land, we will guard our skies,
Until once again, peace resides.
Two twin towers went crashing down.
Two twin towers collapsed into the ground.

Somebody loves me :-?

I just found out this morning that somebody loves me.  Actually I’ve suspected it for awhile.

But when I received the text that he was in love, I wasn’t sure exactly how to respond.  Panic?  Grateful?  Unsure?  Happy?

So I let it sit for a bit.  Then I responded that “my feelings have grown too”.  And they have.  But I’m just not sure that I want to start throwing that “L” word around.  That kind of word gets you into all kind of trouble.  Trouble that I paid for twice with failed marriages, that cost me a fortune in terms of emotions, feelings, and yes, money.

I am happy that somebody loves me.  I’m a hard person to love.  My family tells me that all the time, lol, and I’m sure that’s why I’m still single.  I’m too persnickety.  My sister says I have a circus mirror in my bedroom, and when I look in it, I still think I’m 21, with long hair and a hot bod.  Ummm, no I don’t, but I still think of myself as younger in my head.  Like when I picture myself, it’s not quite reality.  Oh well.

I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do about the new information.  I think I will let it percolate for a little while and see where it goes.  He’s not perfect, but God knows, neither am I.  Maybe we are a match made in Heaven!  Not sure, don’t know if I buy into that whole “God created one person for you” thing.  This world is too big for that.  I am too tired to search the globe!

One of my fellow bloggers just recently stirred up a real shit storm on his blog when he broke up with his girlfriend.  He puts most of his personal life into his blog, and has thousands of followers.  Including his girlfriend.  So she is privy to all his private thoughts and feelings about her and everything else in this world.  Not sure if that is a good thing.  Also, I’m not sure if MY person reads my blog.  He expressed interest in it, but I’ve never given him the website.  But I DID get him going on a smart phone, and I’m sure he could eventually find this.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I kind of like being able to talk about “things” without repercussion of stepping on somebody’s toes or hurting their feelings etc.

Ah, the perils of being a blogger.  Thank goodness I am not a popular one!