Phobias

phobiaWhen I was younger, I didn’t understand “phobias”.  I wasn’t reckless, but I did many things without fear.

I skied the highest mountains, I rode up chairlifts 10,000 ft., I drove my Mustang GT fast, I rode snowmobiles, I drove on expressways.  I crossed high bridges

Not anymore.  Now, I am scared.  Frightened out of my mind.

It started slowly.  I remember being in Europe in my early 30’s, and was too scared to cross over the mountain pass on Mount Blanc, the highest peak in Europe.  Too much space around me, too narrow a path.  Certain death awaited me.

Next I was too scared to sit in the upper deck at baseball games. When walking to my row it felt like I would just pitch forward into the infield.  Gravity would not hold me at that angle.  I wanted to fall to my knees and crawl to my seat, and would have if it wasn’t concrete.

Then it was the driving.  Too scared to drive fast.  By this time I had traded the Mustage for an SUV.  I drove like an old lady.  I drove like my mother, always looking for a child or animal to dart into the street.  People make fun of me, but what’s the point of passing someone on a winding two lane road when there is a line of traffic.  You’re going to risk your life to get there 2 seconds sooner?  And I am a horrible passenger, I hate driving with people who tail gate and accelerate fast and brake hard.  Why not just glide, and save some gas while you are at it?

Next came high bridges.  This one almost cost me my life, and my date’s too.  We were driving to a PGA tourney in Kohler Wisconsin on the expressway, and before I knew it we were on this curving high bridge, way over the city.  My hands froze on the wheel, my heart started palpitating, sweat was running down my face, and I thought I was going to die.  My date was still chattering to me, and I could not even find my voice to tell him to STFU.  Well, obviously I made it across, but I told my date then that he would have to drive home because I was too scared.  He proceeded to get stinking drunk at the golf tourney, and I was forced to drive home too, the same way, because I didn’t know how else to get home.  This is how my date almost lost his life, because I would have gladly killed him.  In fact, when we got back to my house,  I none too gently shoved him into his car and told him to get lost.  I never spoke to him again.

Too scared to drive on expressways, because it seemed like truckers would try to prevent me from merging into traffic, or changing lanes.  Twice in a row, I was trying to merge onto the expressway after work, and a truck wouldn’t not let me merge in.  I’m on a ramp, with space running out before I hit the guardrail going over a hill, and if I sped he, he sped up, if I slowed down, he slowed down.  It basically became a game of chicken, because I couldn’t stop, there were cars behind me.  So I floored the old 8 cylinder and hoped I could make it in front of the truck, who very kindly blew his air horn at me, scaring the BEEJESUS out of me and almost causing me to fly over the overpass.  I was doing 90 when I cut in front of him, barely missing the guardrail, and that asshole was still speeding up.  I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.  I got off at the next exit, and just sat there, shaking.  I would say never again, but I have driven on the expressway to go O’Hare, but not using that on ramp.  Never again for that one.

Basically I think I have a fear of height, and speed.  Maybe it’s just old age, lol.

What are YOUR phobias?

P.S.  I won’t even mention spiders.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

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