I’ve been in kind of a funk lately, thanks to my hip. It is SO hard to stay positive all the time, when you keep getting knocked down. But that old adage? That there is someone who is worse off than you? It’s so true.
I know someone who had cancer, and went through a very rough year of treatment. But she got through it. She was so brave, so strong. A real trooper. We all breathed such a sigh of relief that she was on her way out the other side. Her cancer was controlled.
But. Always seems to be a but with cancer, right? It came back. With a vengeance. In an even more difficult area to treat. Hit her with a knock out punch, right out of the blue. She had to make some very difficult treatment decisions, very fast.
But she did. And if I know this woman, she will make it. She has a long hard road in front of her, but she will persevere.
She made me feel ashamed of myself for my own self pity. My problems pale in comparison to hers. Yes, mine are bad. But it’s not cancer. It’s not life threatening. At least not right now. It can be eventually, but that would be my choice.
I’m not gonna lie, I did have a very bad year, actually year and a half, with this damn hip. I have had 7 surgeries, 6 hospital stays, 2 ER visits, 3 nursing home stays that totaled 3 months. Add in the hospital stays, and I’ve spent 4-5 months away from my home. The worst was my 2 month stay, where I felt like I was in prison. My free will was taken away from me. I felt so helpless. I could not leave, even if I wanted to. I had all my choices taken away from me. Even food, lol. I had massive surgeries, horrible pain.
Luckily I came out the other side. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief, and was SO THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, that it was done. I could walk. I was attached to a bed, a wheelchair, a walker, a cane. I was FREE. I thanked God every day, and all the prayer warriors who prayed for me.
But. Always a but with these things, right? It came back. Just like before. Almost right away. And just like before, I am going to have to walk the same path, again. Against my will. I SWORE after the last time I would NEVER do this again. Of course at the time I never expected to have to face this again.
Monday I go back to the hospital, for yet another procedure, to find out what is growing in my hip this time. If all the planets align right and God is with me, maybe it is just inflammation from something else, maybe the blood tests are wrong. If God is with me maybe it will be a simple fix. I do know something is wrong. It has felt wrong since the beginning. Although I will say that it seems to have gotten a bit better, but more likely, I have just adjusted to this new level of pain. I have not been pain free for a year and a half.
Most likely I will have to start from scratch again. I know the path ahead of me. I do not want to walk that path again. Neither does my friend. Sometimes, we just gotta do it, no matter what. Or I could choose to do nothing, and let nature take its course. I only hope I have the courage to choose the right path. I only hope I can be as strong as her. I only hope I can be positive. I only hope it will get better. And STAY better.
Thank you, my friend, for having the courage to fight your battle, and giving me the incentive to fight my mine. My prayers are with you.