30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 1

Ok Ok, I too have been remiss in keeping up with my blog!  Two of my blogging buddies have started this challenge and have inspired me to do the same!  Gotta get the old creative juices flowing again!  So here goes:

Day 1:  SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF

Wow.  Just one thing?  Actually, this will be easy, but MY one thing colors my whole world.

Emotional.  Too dang emotional.  About everything.

I used to be the opposite.  I was young, carefree, optimistic, and happy-go-lucky.  Then life happened.

A life changing event happened.  I cried literal buckets of tears.  So many tears, I can’t believe I had any in reserve.  But, as we will find out, I had plenty left.  Anyway, I was still fairly young and went on with my life, and was happy again.

Another life changing even happened.  Good God, this time I cried RIVERS of tears.  And the emotions got out of hand.  This time, I needed help getting through.  Lots of help, cause I really didn’t care if I made it through to the other side.  And that, as they say, was the kicker.  That is when my emotional being took charge of my life.  And ever since then, I have been trying to beat her back, as more challenging life events keep happening as I age.

Sometimes I am successful.  Sometimes I think I can handle anything.  Sometimes I am so very wrong.

My emotions get the better of me, and I say and do things that alienate me.  From family, from friends.  I speak before thinking.  Or, maybe I should say, I speak WHAT I am thinking.  Which usually backfires, because most people can’t handle the truth.  They don’t want to hear it.  Better left unsaid, and all that other rot.

So I cry a lot. Still.  Buckets and buckets.  My little white Paxil Pill helps me a lot.  It used to stop most of my crying.  Now it stops about half of it.  But I think I would rather cry than just stop caring at all.

But.  I do think it is time for my emotional being to go back into the closet and lock the door.  Because that is one thing I hate about myself.

 

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