REAR WINDOW

rear window

Sometimes I feel like Jimmy Stewart in “Rear Window”.  I don’t have a broken leg, just an annoying back and hip.  And I haven’t witnessed a murder….yet.  Anything is possible.

More to the point is the fact that I sit in my comfy chair in my office where I have a window, which on many days is my only outside view of the world.  While I work from home or watch TV I can see the kids go by on their bikes, golf carts, dirt bikes etc.  I see the dog walkers and the joggers, especially on the weekends when the neighborhood fills to the brim.  I see my family, walking to the boat to go for an enjoyable ride around the lakes.  I see LIFE, passing me by.

Sometimes I make up stories as the what the people are doing or where they are going.

The lazy unemployed son who lives across the street?  Drug dealer.  Sells anything you want.  Weed, edibles, vapes, pills.  Also arms dealer.  Has a display of guns in his living room.  Will sell to anyone, including his own son.  Except, well, the son is in jail now.  Drug and weapons charges.

The elderly couple who lives across the street.  Spends most of their days in their garden, which has a tall fence around around it.  They say it’s to keep out the varmints.  They NEVER invite anyone over.  I think they are growing the weed for the other neighbor.

The widower across the way.  I was friends with his wife.  When I walked my dogs late at night,  she would be out by the garage, sneaking a smoke.  She is dead now.  I saw her one day, and she was gone the next.  Never see the widower anymore, seems like he is hiding out in his house.

The Italian conclave that lives on the channel, takes up the whole one side of the turnaround street.  4 houses in a row.  I watch the cars start arriving on Thursday nights, and leaving on Sunday nights.  You don’t go down that street on the weekends.  It seems to have been taken over by the “younger” generation.  I haven’t seen the older folks in a couple of years.  They might be sleeping with the fishes.

The entertainment center of the neighborhood is on the corner, where the two streets split.  Many activities center on that property.  Dogs run, kids play and screech, adults drink beer, basketball is played, swimming is done by all on a hot summer day, all led by the neighborhood Pied Piper.  When evening falls, all signs of life disappear, tucked away in houses and garages, waiting to come back again, under the magical spell of the Pied Piper.  (Who resembles my brother but I’ll never tell!)

Then there are the mystery people, who visit my house when it rains.  I think the rain makes them grow.  They sneak in and out while I am sleeping, leaving only wet footprints behind.  I think I might know them, but I’m not sure.  Every now and then when I think I am dreaming, I hear a little girl’s voice, that sounds just like my niece.   I need to set up some cameras.

Hopefully my window on the world will expand soon.  I am feeling much better, and hope to be getting out and about a lot more!  I have a GREAT massage therapist and physical therapist, so I will be rocking!

P.S.  I almost wish I had a murder mystery to solve, I am great detective!  Jimmy Stewart goes a little overboard at times tho, lol.  Great film.  Everyone should see it.

Johnny versus Jimmy

carson

fallon

 

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny Carson.                                                           Jimmy Fallon.

The Tonight Show.  The longest running talk show in television history.  It has been hosted by some pretty impressive people.  I want to talk about the two best, in my opinion.

Johnny Carson was a legendary icon in entertainment.  He was a very talented man, and loved to play characters and do magic tricks.  He revolutionized late night television, and entertained insomniacs and late night people for decades.  I remember my mother and father watching him every night before bed, even though they had to get up early for work.  Their day just couldn’t end without Johnny.  There were no DVR’s back then, you had to watch in real time, and all the commercials too, lol.

Many people do not know that Johnny was very shy and retiring in his personal life.  He did not like to socialize, and stayed out of the public eye.  Being in millions of people’s living rooms every night was more than enough for him.

Now onto Jimmy.  What can I say?  I think that Jimmy is one of the most talented people on the planet.  He can sing, he can dance, he is handsome, he is funny, he is mostly Irish, he has a beautiful wife, 2 adorable kiddies, he has a GOLDEN RETRIEVER…..he is my kind of guy!  And everybody else’s too, based on his ratings.

I loved him on SNL, he could NEVER keep a straight face, lol.  I loved him in Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore, I love him with Justin Timberlake doing their history of rap, and HashTags, I love him doing his spot-on imitations of Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen and other hit artists.  I love his skits.  I love his hosting (MTV, Emmys etc.)  I love everything about him.  Well, except for Ewwww.  Jimmy dressed as a teenage girl with braces is kinda scary.

I think the man has more talent in his little fingers than most people do in their entire careers.  He is the ultimate all-around entertainer.  (JT is another one like Jimmy).

Both Johnny and Jimmy were/are incredible on Late Night.  They were/are the best of their generation.  I have to give the nod to Jimmy though, in terms of overall talent.

Who is YOUR favorite?  Why?  I’d like to hear it!

 

 

 

It’s all about that Chris

american

Chris Evans just won the People’s Choice award for best action hero.  Captain America.  Cool.

Lately I have noticed a number of Chris’s that I just love.  Besides Chris Evans, there’s Chris Pine (Star Trek)…

pine

God, those eyes….  Then there is Thor, Chris Hemsworth….

thorAgain with the eyes!  And let’s not forget our Guardian of the Galaxy, Chris Pratt!

prattOk, so I guess all these Chris’s are pretty awesome.  All blue-eyed.  Stunning blue eyes.  Rocking bods.  Super heroes, all!

Which one is YOUR favorite?  eeny meeny miney mo…..

Chris Evans is Captain America, a little too clean cut for me.  Gotta dirty him up a bit.  Chris Hemsworth makes a great Thor, and love the Australian accent, but not a huge fan of the blond hair.  Chris Pratt, now there’s a down to earth guy, who didn’t start out looking exactly like this, but that’s what’s cool about him!  But, because of the eyes, it’s all about the eyes….

I choose……Chris Pine!  Those eyes are just….too…much….to….resist.

 

 

Self Shaming

tsk

Do you ever make a bonehead move and shame yourself?  I do.  All the time.

Just yesterday I was at a stoplight, and I turned right on red, when there was left lane turners going through.  I caught myself in time, and then apologized to the other drivers with the universal sign of shrugging my shoulders and putting my hands out while shame smiling.

Yes.  Shame smiling.  The universal sign for I’m an idiot!  Smiling with lips tight together and kind of goofy grimace, to show what a dufus we are at times.

Sometimes we are just on auto pilot and not paying attention to what we are doing, like we should.  I think a lot of accidents are caused this way.  That, and TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!  I can tell you EXACTLY what drivers are texting as I drive behind them, as they are weaving on down the road.  Sometimes I beep my horn at them to get their attention.  They look at me in their rear view and give me the universal sign for “what?”  With wide eyes and hands out.  I then will waving my cell phone at them and give them the universal sign for no texting.  The tsk tsk motion.  Then the driver will typically give me the universal sign for F*&$* You!  You know, the middle finger salute.  I usually then wave gaily at them.  The universal sign for whatever, have a nice day!

I think I’m going to try and concentrate more on what task I’m currently doing, so I don’t have to tsk tsk myself.  Otherwise I’m going to have to post pictures, like the dog shaming ones.  In fact, I did post one of cat shaming, for my Ozzy and Izzy, last year.

Shame on ME!  lol

Zoosk me not

zoosk1There is an online dating service that keeps appearing on my Facebook and sending me messages for matches.  Zoosk.  I’m always up for a good laugh so sometimes I peruse the website and look at the “matches” they have selected for me.  I’m not sure what criteria they are using, but we are NOT of the same mind.

Men with beards down to their waist, men with ponytails, men holding their phones up to a mirror, men with HUGE glasses, men with old dirty T shirts on, men with flannel shirts on, men holding toy poodles, men with SQUIRRELS on their shoulders, I kid you not!

Not ONE PICTURE have I seen that is 1)clear and in focus 2) the man has bathed and at a minimum combed his hair 3) the man has shaved in the last 5 or 10 ten years, 4) the man has updated his wardrobe in the last 20 years 5) the man has made ANY attempt to look attractive to a woman. 6) the man doesn’t look half drunk.

I almost want to pay the subscription fees so I can email these men and tell them how to shape up so that they might get a little action going on.  But I recently broke up with a guy who made very little attempt to make himself more attractive to me, even after we had several talks about it.  Some men just can’t be changed, and that’s fine.  Just not for me, no thank you.

Now, I am no lovey duck myself, but I do try to bath every day and put on some makeup and do up my hair and put on clean unwrinkled clothes.  I try to put my best foot forward, as much as possible.  These guys put zero effort into posting a decent picture on a website to try and get a date.

Well, I guess it’s good for a laugh.  And I’m really trying hard not to be mean and make fun of people.  I just don’t understand it.  Many people meet online and get married and live happily ever after.  I think you get what you pay for, and Zoosk may fall at the bottom of the sites as far as I’m concerned.  But, I’m not looking, and I’m not paying, so I guess I don’t care!

Phobias

phobiaWhen I was younger, I didn’t understand “phobias”.  I wasn’t reckless, but I did many things without fear.

I skied the highest mountains, I rode up chairlifts 10,000 ft., I drove my Mustang GT fast, I rode snowmobiles, I drove on expressways.  I crossed high bridges

Not anymore.  Now, I am scared.  Frightened out of my mind.

It started slowly.  I remember being in Europe in my early 30’s, and was too scared to cross over the mountain pass on Mount Blanc, the highest peak in Europe.  Too much space around me, too narrow a path.  Certain death awaited me.

Next I was too scared to sit in the upper deck at baseball games. When walking to my row it felt like I would just pitch forward into the infield.  Gravity would not hold me at that angle.  I wanted to fall to my knees and crawl to my seat, and would have if it wasn’t concrete.

Then it was the driving.  Too scared to drive fast.  By this time I had traded the Mustage for an SUV.  I drove like an old lady.  I drove like my mother, always looking for a child or animal to dart into the street.  People make fun of me, but what’s the point of passing someone on a winding two lane road when there is a line of traffic.  You’re going to risk your life to get there 2 seconds sooner?  And I am a horrible passenger, I hate driving with people who tail gate and accelerate fast and brake hard.  Why not just glide, and save some gas while you are at it?

Next came high bridges.  This one almost cost me my life, and my date’s too.  We were driving to a PGA tourney in Kohler Wisconsin on the expressway, and before I knew it we were on this curving high bridge, way over the city.  My hands froze on the wheel, my heart started palpitating, sweat was running down my face, and I thought I was going to die.  My date was still chattering to me, and I could not even find my voice to tell him to STFU.  Well, obviously I made it across, but I told my date then that he would have to drive home because I was too scared.  He proceeded to get stinking drunk at the golf tourney, and I was forced to drive home too, the same way, because I didn’t know how else to get home.  This is how my date almost lost his life, because I would have gladly killed him.  In fact, when we got back to my house,  I none too gently shoved him into his car and told him to get lost.  I never spoke to him again.

Too scared to drive on expressways, because it seemed like truckers would try to prevent me from merging into traffic, or changing lanes.  Twice in a row, I was trying to merge onto the expressway after work, and a truck wouldn’t not let me merge in.  I’m on a ramp, with space running out before I hit the guardrail going over a hill, and if I sped he, he sped up, if I slowed down, he slowed down.  It basically became a game of chicken, because I couldn’t stop, there were cars behind me.  So I floored the old 8 cylinder and hoped I could make it in front of the truck, who very kindly blew his air horn at me, scaring the BEEJESUS out of me and almost causing me to fly over the overpass.  I was doing 90 when I cut in front of him, barely missing the guardrail, and that asshole was still speeding up.  I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.  I got off at the next exit, and just sat there, shaking.  I would say never again, but I have driven on the expressway to go O’Hare, but not using that on ramp.  Never again for that one.

Basically I think I have a fear of height, and speed.  Maybe it’s just old age, lol.

What are YOUR phobias?

P.S.  I won’t even mention spiders.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

Dave’s not here

chong

Seeing Tommy Chong on Dancing With the Stars this season has brought back some great memories!  Who remembers this skit from Cheech and Chong?

“Knock knock knock

Who is it

It’s me, Dave, open up man, I’ve got the stuff

Dave?

Right man, Dave, now will you open up the door?

Dave’s not here.”

Dave kitty

I thought this was the funniest thing when I was a freshman in college.  So my roommate Fonzie and I were sitting around our first Saturday night at school, bored, as we didn’t really know anybody yet.  We decided to prank call some “Daves”.  We got out the campus directory, and started dialing.  Most Daves didn’t play along, so we hung up on them, obviously they weren’t fun or good sports.  But I hit the jackpot with one Dave, who played right along.  (He must have been the recipient of similar conversations, lol.)  So anyway after talking and laughing on the phone for awhile, he wanted to meet up with us.  I told him I didn’t go out with strangers.  (But I didn’t seem to have any problem calling them up, ha!).  He said, I’ll be outside your dorm in 5 minutes, you can check me out and if you like what you see you can come out and meet me.

Well, I lived in the all girls dorm, nicknamed The Virgin Islands, on the 6th floor.  He lived in the coed dorm across the way.  After much giggling, my roommate and I did indeed see him standing outside in the court yard, waving to us.

Gulp.  Hubba Hubba!  Now, I lived in the Virgin Islands for good reason.  I was a good Catholic girl, and had never been on a real date, and was still waiting for my first real kiss.  Pathetic, I know.  So now I’m looking down on this drop dead gorgeous guy waving at me, and I couldn’t get downstairs fast enough.  Fonzie and I talked with him and his friend, and they invited us to go to an outdoor party in their quad.  We went with them, as they seemed like nice normal guys.

Wow.  I had the time of my life.  I can STILL remember every. single. moment.  Dave and I had instant chemistry.  He was tall, dark and handsome.  Funny.  Smart.  You know, the whole package.  I felt like I hit the jackpot, first week at school!

We got a beer from the keg.  My first beer, my first keg.  A night of firsts!  We sat down on grassy hillside to talk.  He started calling me Lady Guinevere, and I called him Sir Lancelot, because he was my knight in shining armor who rescued me from boredom in my dorm.

Some guys from his dorm had fireworks, so as it got dark, he went and got a couple of blankets from his room.  We laid back on the hillside and snuggled, watching the fireworks.  I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  Cause I was thinking the same thing in the back of my mind.  Dark, starry night.  Handsome guy.  Pretty girl.  Beer.  Blanket.  What comes next?

Well my first kiss, of course!  It was…..incredible.  Awesome.  Life changing.  I felt like a real woman, for the first time in my life.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  First kiss.  What other “firsts” will I reach tonight?

My momma taught me well.  Or should I say scared me well.  I could hear her voice in the back of my mind, see her face.  She was always so concerned about me and my sister, and our reputations.  She was conscious of what people would think about our family.  And here I was, away from her all-seeing, all-knowing eyes, at college.  What would I do?  Would I continue on my night of firsts?

No.  Of course not.  I was a good Catholic girl, and he was a good Catholic boy, who was a true gentleman!  I never even had to stop him, we just kissed and snuggled, and it was very innocent.  He truly was my knight in shining armor.

Hot guy in a pick ’em up truck

pickup

So.  Something happened to me today.  I THINK it was a good thing.  Although in this day and age, who knows.  What happened?  Well it all started with a hot guy in a pickup truck….

After swim class this morning I ran into the Wal-Mart quick, with sweats on, wet hair and no makeup on. After unloading my groceries in my car in the rain I went to put the cart back across the aisle.  A man in a pickup waved me across, so I went.  He waited, and then he waved me back across the aisle again. Then he rolled down his window and said, “Excuse Ma’am, but are you married?”  I was stunned and didn’t know what to say, so I said yes I’m married. Then he said “Well he sure is a lucky man!”, and looked at me very appreciatively.  I stuttered out a thank you and got in my car.  I sat there for a few minutes, thinking the man must have been insane.  He was very good looking!  Was he blind? Not that I could tell.  His eyes were stunning, I think that’s why I was so tongue tied.  I love eyes.  And teeth.  Love good teeth.  He had dark hair and gold eyes and a big white smile, with all his teeth (hey, this is in the Wal-Mart parking lot!)

I shook my head, and then thought up all the witty things I should have said.  Things like, “Hang out here often?”  “Wanna get a burger at Blue Top?”  (The Culvers in front).  “What made you stop?  The wet hair rain drizzle look?”  “Did you like my hip action?  It’s my limp from my new hip replacement”.  Boy, I am one sexy momma out there!

Is this the new dating world?  Men in pickups checking out chicks in the Walmart parking lot?  It crossed my mind to go look for him and tell him, NO, I’m NOT married!  But then I thought, maybe he was a predator of some sort.  I mean, get real, from my description, why would a guy hit on me like that unless he wanted to tie me up and….gulp.  Ok, I’ve read too many books on that subject.  He wasn’t sparkly like a vampire (but it WAS raining), and he wasn’t all furry like a werewolf (but it was day time), and he didn’t look alien or like he had super powers.  He looked….normal.

So.  I’m just going to think of it as a compliment, and next time I go to the Wal-Mart, I’m going to style my hair and put some makeup on.  Who knows what can happen then?

What do you think?  Do you think he was normal, or something else?  I would love to hear your thoughts!

“Boy” bands

bsb

New Kids on the Block.  Backstreet Boys.  Boyz to Men.

I saw Jordan Knight (NKOTB)  and Nick Carter (BSB) on GMA last week.  They have formed a new group, call Nick & Knight.  They claim NOT to be a boy band, but judging from the sycronized dance moves and pop sound they were  lip synching singing, I beg to differ.

I loved the boy bands, back in the 80’s and 90’s.  Nsync was my favorite.  I loved their songs and dance moves, and did them with my little step-daughter and niece all the time.  I would embarrass myself on my pontoon boat in the Chain O Lakes singing and dancing with the all the kids.  (I especially loved doing The Macarena!  But shhhhhh…..)

I don’t expect any Nsync reunion, ever.  Justin Timberlake (or JT as I like to call him) has done just fine on his own, thank you very much.  The other guys have gone their own ways too.

But back to BOY bands, now performing as MEN.  I know that some of the best shows out there are older men reviving their younger days.  The Rolling Stones, U2, Queen…..all still VERY popular and selling out tours.  But they did not start out as BOY bands.  They started out as rock bands, and are still rock bands.  There is a difference.

Watching Nick & Knight doing their little dance steps and trying to look cool on the tiny GMA stage made me feel…..sorry for them.  If they want to be taken seriously, and not as another boy band revival, they should get their shit together and act like men and sing like men.  Men singing to little tweeners and making them scream just seems wrong on so many levels.

It’s ok for ME to still remember the crazy boy band days and sing and dance to them.  I am not doing it for fame or money.  I am doing it for fun.  And maybe they are too, and collecting a paycheck for it to boot!

But I’m sorry, it makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth.