Sometimes Dreams DO come true….but not today

She went to the concert by herself.  She was too embarrassed to ask any of her girlfriends to go with her.  They would think she was crazy  ier.  She couldn’t explain her obsession, even to herself.  She was too old.  Wasn’t his type.  She told herself every excuse in the book.  But every night she dreamt about him.  Every day she watched his face, as she listened to his voice online.  All 17″ of him.  She wasn’t prepared, however, for the physical impact of seeing him in person….  She had saved up for a good seat and felt like she was staring right up at him.  Goose bumps ran up and down her spine, and she felt light-headed, like she would faint.  Her heart froze up and she forgot to breathe….and then he seemed to smile right down at her as he sang “I get you through it nice and slow, when the world’s spinning out of control”…. Pretty soon she couldn’t tell the reality from the dream.  Things started to get a bit hazy after the concert….

She found herself standing backstage, along with the usual groupies.  Someone asked her something, and she stuttered, “I’m with the band”.  They smiled knowingly, and walked on by. The band was winding down, having a few drinks.  Billy, his buddy and guitarist, handed her a glass.  She took a sip, and grimaced.  Then she heard the voice.  His voice.

“I’m drinking the brown liquor tonight, my friend”, he said.  “If that doesn’t suit you, I’m sure I could find some white lightning”, as he grinned, showing his boyish cockeyed toothy smile that melted hearts.  She looked up, and then around, wondering.  Is he talking to HER?  He clinked his glass to hers.  She could not move.  She was mesmerized.  His brown eyes crinkled at her, as he leaned his long, lanky frame on the doorway.  He put his free hand up on the other side, trapping her in between.

“What’s your story, sunshine, haven’t seen you around here before”, he said.  She lost her words, and downed the contents of her glass, hoping for some liquid courage.  She came up almost choking on the taste, but managed to hold it down.  As it burned fire in her belly, she could finally speak.  She leaned forward, and put her hand on his vest.  “I came here for you”, she said.

“Couple more of these”, he said as he tipped his glass full of brown liquor to her, “and you might just get your wish little lady”.

He whispered in her ear, “You’re like an angel, got me feeling like a devil, and I wanna give you something, if you promise that you won’t tell“.  He pulled a piece of black licorice out of his pocket, and dangled it in front of her.  “My favorite vice”, he said “besides coffee.”   “Goes good with the whiskey”, he breathed in my face.  She leaned forward and they took a bite together.  He smelled deliciously of well-earned sweat, whiskey, licorice and a faint lingering scent of cologne.  She inhaled deeply, to imprint his pheromones in her senses forever.

He pushed his hat back a bit with the glass in his hand.  She raised her eyes and said teasingly “Always with the hat?”  Leaning back against the door frame he said “That’s an excellent question, darlin’, an excellent question.  I’ve always worn a hat, since Little League, and now, I guess I think it adds to the mystery.  Does he or doesn’t he have hair, now that is the real question.”  “I know you have hair”, she said, “I’ve seen pictures without”.   “Now see you’ve gone and spoiled my mystique.  That’s all I’ve got going on”, he grinned.  “Oh, you’ve got a lot more than a hat going on”, she said.

“Maybe we should explore that”, he said, while pouring some more of the brown liquor.  “You’ll be my vacation away from this place. You know what I want.  Holding that cup, It’s pouring over the sides.  Make me wanna spread my arms and fly.

She reached for his hand.  He wrapped his fingers around hers, and looking back said “Billy, I’m leaving you for tonight, take care of the tour bus.”  “Soon enough I’m taking my shot”.  He cocked his fingers like a gun.  “Bang”.

They walked to the parking lot towards her car, away from the horde of fans waiting for him at the tour bus.  She said “You shouldn’t leave your fans disappointed”.  “Not to worry” he said.  “Most of them are happy enough with Pretty Boy Billy”.  As they drove towards her house, she glanced over at him.  “Well I would imagine you have all kinds of girlfriends everywhere”, trying to sound nonchalant about the images playing in her head.  He stared at her a moment.  “Well”, he said, “Let me be perfectly honest”.  “So before this goes too far, let me tell you what you are.  You’re amazing, I’m attracted, but I’m terribly distracted.  And I’m trying to be verbal, and I’m back into this circle because I just found someone special.  And that’s really something special if you knew me.  Nice to meet you, nice to meet you, nice to meet you anyway.  And even if you want me to stay here, I’m telling you right now I should leave before I get to changing my mind, dear. I hope you understand what I mean.”

She stopped the car in her driveway, and froze with her hands on the wheel.  She should turn around and take him back to his bus.  She wasn’t going to make herself a one-night stand, a moment of weakness, a mistake, just another cheap groupie looking for someone to brag about.   But he was honest with her, and she appreciated him all the more for it.  He placed his hand on hers.  She turned her head, looked deep into his eyes.  Satisfied, she took the keys out of the ignition, and opened her car door, walking up to the house without looking back…..

He followed her to the front door.  Put his hands on her shoulders, and turned her around.  He touched his forehead to hers.  “Darlin’, I think you understand me.  That I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately.  All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind.  I’m tired of looking ’round rooms wondering what I’ve got to do or who I’m supposed to be.  I don’t want to be anything other than me.”  “You are all I want, all I dream about”, she said.  The door closed silently behind them.

She awoke slowly, not wanting her dream to end.  She kept her eyes shut, trying to prolong it.  She knew it was just a dream, but it all felt so real….she sighed as she rolled over to the other side of the bed.  And felt the warmth of a recently departed body.  Her eyes flew open, as she frantically searched her brain and the room for any clues.  Surely it was all a dream.  The best dream.   She blinked as she saw a t-shirt laid across her nightstand.  She grabbed it and held it close to her breast and inhaled of it deeply.   A note fluttered to the floor:

“I’m in love with a girl who knows me better.  Fell for the woman just when I met her. Took my sweet time when I was bitter.  Someone understands.  And she knows how to treat a fella right.  Give me that feeling every night.  Wants to make love when I wanna fight.  Now someone understand me.  I’m in love with a girl, I’m in love with a girl, in love with a girl.  And her name is YOU.”

She rolled back on her back.  How could this be happening to her?  Surely she would never see him again.  Then her phone chirped.  Incoming voice mail, from a number she didn’t recognize.  With her heart pounding, she pressed the button, and heard his voice again…

“Oh, this is the start of something  good, don’t  you agree?  I haven’t felt like this in so many moons, you  know what I mean?  And we can build through this destruction as we are standing on our feet.  So since you want to be with me, you’ll have to follow through with every word you say.  And I, all I really want is you, you to stick around.  I’ll see you everyday.  But you have  to follow through.  You have to  follow through”.

She clutched the phone to her and wept with joy.  Oh yes.  Hell yes.  She would follow through.  She would follow him to the ends of the earth.  Then, startled out of her revelry, she looked at her ringing phone.  It was the same number, calling.  She smiled as she hit the green button….

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How do you say goodbye?

grave

Deep breath.  Another deep breath.

It has happened again, on the heels of another recent deep loss.  One of my dearest friends is gone.  My friend who has always been there for me.  And now he is gone.  We didn’t even have time to say goodbye.  Things like this are never planned.

I am SO grateful that I saw him a week ago Friday.  I am SO grateful that I got to hug him and tell him I loved him, like I did every time I saw him.

I feel like I knew him forever.  I kind of did.  I knew him my whole adult life.  We met at work, we made life long mutual friends.  That was THIRTY YEARS ago.

We did have periods where we lost touch here and there for a few years.  But we always stayed connected and picked up right where we left off.  I remember him coming to visit and go boating with me and my family many times.  My family, neighbors, friends…all loved him.  He was always so friendly, so happy, so funny.

He got me through both my divorces.  He saved my life, literally.  He was always there for me.  He would comfort me and be my friend, when I needed a friend the most.  He helped me, he was just THERE.  Sometimes you just need someone you know you can count on, who will always be there for you.  Jack was that guy.

And probably not for just me.  Jack was the kind of person who would do anything for all his friends.  One phone call was all it took.

I can’t even count the number of friends Jack had.  Life long friends, from school, work, neighbors….heck, everywhere he went, he made a friend.  He always had a story, a joke.  (I think I could recite most of them, word for word!)

Jack married later in life.  His beautiful, sweet, lovely wife remodeled the house, taught him how to love a fur child, cooked gourmet dinners for him and their friends, and added a woman’s touch to his bachelor ways.  But she knew him and loved him enough to know that there no remodeling him, like so many wives try to do, lol.  He still went to all his beloved Notre Dame football games, and she continued with all her passions and hobbies.  I remember being in awe of her when I first met her.  She sailed, and did the Mackinac races!  What an adventurer!  She added class and culture to the mix, lol.  Jack was a beer guy, she was a wine gal.  My heart goes out to her.  She deserved more time with him.  We all did.

I loved Jack.  I loved him with my whole heart and soul.  He was my buddy.  I will have a huge hole in my heart.  But I know I will see him again.  We will have an eternity to catch up.

P.S.  I just had to go back and keep corrected sentences to make them past tense and not present tense.  That makes it so real.  I can’t believe I will never see him again and hear the same old jokes again.  But I am comforted by the fact that he has entered eternal happiness.  Maybe he will even learn some new jokes.

 

#CallMeCaitlyn

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Bruce Jenner has now officially transitioned into Caitlyn Jenner.  A simply breath taking Vanity Fair cover and photos are out, and boy are they stunning!  Shockingly stunning.  Shocking when you think of how he looked most of his life.

bruce2Bruce was a very handsome man, and now she is a very stunning woman.

BUT.  (Isn’t there always a but?)  I saw the Diane Sawyer interview.  I saw Bruce up close in that interview.  He was dressed as a man then.  I tried really hard to imagine him dressed as a woman.  I could never have imagine this photo.

Because.  The BUT.  Up close, Bruce has wrinkles.  He has a lot of facial imperfections.  He has the loosey goosey neck old people get.  Crepey skin.  Skimpy pony tail.

You see NONE of that in the photos.  She is air brushed and lighted to the max.  And if that is all her hair, I need the number of her hairdresser.  Wait.  It’s Kim’s.  Never mind.  If you look REALLY CLOSE in some pictures, you can see a bit of age, cause, come on.  I don’t care WHO you are.  You can take off years, but not decades!

Bravo for Bruce/Caitlyn, but as a woman, I don’t think she is going to look like that on a regular basis.  Do you?  Does anyone?  Ok maybe a Kardashian.  But she is distancing himself from the show etc.  She is going her own way.  She broke twitter, for cry aye!

But when she wakes up in the morning as a 65 year old woman, she might look a little scary, just like the rest of us.  Hopefully, she will have enough time to be in hair and makeup for a few hours before she goes out for coffee.  But no matter, I think she is brave, and beautiful.

P.S.  But after seeing these pictures, I am even MORE confused when she calls herself a woman, but that she still wants to make love as a man.  She still wants to make love to women.  And she says she is not a lesbian.  Transgenders can be anything, apparently.  But it just doesn’t make sense to me.  How about you????????

 

Second best?

bachelor

Prince Farming is engaged.  Chris Soules picked Whitney as his bride-to-be.  I have know this since before the show aired, due to spoilers.  However, I think it adds to the drama to see how they edit the women on the show, and if she is a front runner, or comes from behind.  I don’t want every episode, especially if it gets annoying.  But I love the endings, lol.

Whitney definitely came from behind.  The front-runner was always Britt until she self-imploded in Iowa.  Then, the front runner was Becca, after she came clean about being a virgin in the Fantasy Suite.  The forbidden fruit, anyone?

Now I’m not saying that Chris Soules is a man-whore, at least not anymore than some of the other Bachelors.  He definitely was the make-out King tho, and has a certain reputation back in Iowa for being a ladies man.  Put 25 gorgeous women in front of a man, and he is not going to be posing for holy pictures any time soon.  But I do think that Chris was one of the most sincere bachelors, in quite a while, which was refreshing.  I loved it when he was uncomfortable and his eyes would start twitching and he would have to excuse himself.  He was NOT a bull-shitter.

While I think that Chris knew that Whitney was the LOGICAL choice, I think his heart was telling him differently.  I think his heart was really pining hopes on Becca.  I give props to Becca though, for holding her ground.  She wasn’t sure.  Heck, most of the Bachelor engagements don’t last, and she knew that.  So why declare your love and then break up a few months later.  There was no way Becca was ever going to move to Iowa.  So good on you, girl.

And boy, the look on Chris’s face when he saw Becca last night……now I’m no love expert, but he had puppy dog eyes all over her.  He hugged and kissed her multiple times.  He was wearing his heart on his sleeve.  And his lips.  And his hands.  Gotta wonder if Whitney was watching from back stage.  Chris said several times that he was “moving forward”.  Probably because looking back was too painful.

Whitney was the smart player, all season.  No drama, always said the right thing, gushed over Iowa and Chris’s family.  Is she madly in love with Chris?  Probably.  Is she going to move to Iowa any time soon?  Well, she did quit her job as a fertility nurse, and got a new job.  In Chicago.  Hmmm.  Sounds like she wants to take it slow.  Hmmm.  Kinda like Becca said, only SHE said it before the finale.

Whitney apparently decided she was NOT going to watch the show, except for her dates with Chris.  I think she KNEW that she would be VERY jealous of his relationship with other women.  I mean, come on, Chris was doing everything he could to get Becca to say she loved him, so he could pick her.  Obviously people/social media was all over that and like Whitney said last night, she couldn’t avoid hearing about it.  In fact, Chris Harrison ASKED her on live TV how she felt about it, after she said she didn’t want to know!  And then Chris Harrison was actually asking them if they were fitting in lots of time to make love!  Harrison is such a douche.

Don’t get me started with Jimmy Kimmel.  Jimmy always makes his predictions before the season starts.  He picks the top 4 girls.  He ALWAYS gets it right.  How?  He reads the same spoiler that I do, and millions of other fans.  RealitySteve.com  Not that he gives any credit to Steve.  He pretends that he is a good guesser.  Come on.  And the cow named Juan Pablo?  It did give me a laugh.  But talk about cross overs….ABC has got the Bachelor everywhere.  But that’s cool.  It’s all about the money.  Gotta strike while the iron is hot.  Wonder how long Chris will last on Dancing with the Stars.  A few weeks at least, I would think.  We’ll see if Farm Boy’s got rhythm.

So.  Do YOU think Chris got it right?  Who was YOUR favorite?

P.S.  And how bout them two Bachelorettes?  Not a totally new thing.  They did it on the Bachelor with Byron.  Remember?

 

Say hello for me…..

Dear Uncle George,

You passed away a few days ago, in the presence of your loving wife and daughter.  Today is your wake, tomorrow your funeral.  I like to think you are looking down at your family right now, with loving eyes.

You lived a good long life.  87 years old I think.  You were such a great husband, father, grandfather, uncle, friend.  I will always remember you as the kindest, most gentle man I knew.  You always had a smile on your face, and gave the best hugs.

I have so many great memories of you.  I remember our vacations at the cottage every summer with the whole Massey clan.  They didn’t call it a Massey parade for nothing!  You built that cottage with your own hands, it was sturdy and so fun.  I remember the bunk beds in the kid room, lol.  I grew up in the midst of loving aunts, uncles and cousins.  And Grandma Massey of course.  Two weeks every summer.  I looked forward to it all year.

I don’t know many families that still call their cousins their best friends.  We still vacation together, lol.  I wish all kids would do the same, they don’t know what they are missing!

I have cousins I can call after 6 months and just pick up where we left off.  I consider my aunts and uncles my mom and dad, since mine passed away so soon.  My dad has been gone for 35 years (!) and my mom for 12 I think.

I used to go to Florida when you, Uncle George, and Aunt Kathleen lived in Hollywood.  You were always so good to me, and we would have so much fun together.  We would sit on the lanai and talk talk talk!  I always loved Hollywood Beach, and I will remember those days with you there forever.

I am so happy I got to see you last December at the Abel’s wedding.  I got to see ALL my aunts and uncles and cousins, and it meant so much to me.

I am so happy you got to see your youngest daughter get married this November.  You made it, all the way back to Hollywood, from Ohio.  It was a big deal for you and Aunt Kath, and you made it.  I am so glad.  And your daughter was so glad.

You have such great kids.  They have been so wonderful to me all my life.  I vacationed with them, I have fun with them.  I still do, and hope to continue to do so for a very long time.

I will miss you, Uncle George.  Say hi to Barb, my mom and dad, Uncle Bill, and everybody else that welcomed into you heaven.  Someday we will all be together again, vacationing under the loving eyes of God, for eternity.

God Bless.  Rest in peace.

Love, Janny

It’s all about that Chris

american

Chris Evans just won the People’s Choice award for best action hero.  Captain America.  Cool.

Lately I have noticed a number of Chris’s that I just love.  Besides Chris Evans, there’s Chris Pine (Star Trek)…

pine

God, those eyes….  Then there is Thor, Chris Hemsworth….

thorAgain with the eyes!  And let’s not forget our Guardian of the Galaxy, Chris Pratt!

prattOk, so I guess all these Chris’s are pretty awesome.  All blue-eyed.  Stunning blue eyes.  Rocking bods.  Super heroes, all!

Which one is YOUR favorite?  eeny meeny miney mo…..

Chris Evans is Captain America, a little too clean cut for me.  Gotta dirty him up a bit.  Chris Hemsworth makes a great Thor, and love the Australian accent, but not a huge fan of the blond hair.  Chris Pratt, now there’s a down to earth guy, who didn’t start out looking exactly like this, but that’s what’s cool about him!  But, because of the eyes, it’s all about the eyes….

I choose……Chris Pine!  Those eyes are just….too…much….to….resist.

 

 

She’s a good girl, she deserves it

bride1

Over the past few years, I have heard several men utter this phrase to me, on why they finally decided to marry their girlfriend.  Like they passed a test and were finally deemed worthy enough to marry.  Many of these couples had been together a LONG time…..

Wait, what?  Seriously?  Like it is totally up to the MAN to decide whether or not we were a GOOD girl and DESERVE to marry them?

I think they could see my brain turning somersaults behind my eyes, because all of them quickly changed the subject or walked away.  As they should.  Before I really could build up a head of steam.

Maybe it’s because I have tried marriage, and failed miserably at it.  Maybe it’s because I have always been an independent woman and never “dependent” upon a man to “complete” me, or support me.  Maybe it’s because I believe marriage should be a fifty/fifty deal, all the way around.  Maybe it’s because I could never consider marrying, let alone living with, a man who thought that way.  Maybe they don’t mean the way it sounds…..

It’s patronizing.  Like patting a pet on the head, and saying “oh you’re a good girl, now here’s a bone”.

Maybe they really mean “what an AMAZINGLY wonderful woman I have found, and I can’t WAIT to marry her!  What GOOD fortune for a DESERVING fellow like me!  But somehow I doubt it.

I think the holidays really got to me this year.  I think I have mentioned before how in my next life I am coming back as a man, so I can just show up everywhere empty-handed and nothing is expected of me.  No cooking, cleaning, gifting….just call me when dinner is ready and then I will go back to laying on the couch.  Not saying that EVERY man is like this.  I guess I get prickly about this because I don’t think it is fair.  I see women/wives/mothers doing way more than their fair share too often.

Blah.  I think I will stay single.  And stay home.

Be nice. Just be nice.

grinch1

Ok, I’m not going to get all sappy here about it being the holiday season and all that stuff and how we should all be better people blah blah blah.

But.  We should all learn to nice.  Nicer.  Treat people better.

I’m trying really hard to be nicer, and “let it go”.  Don’t let little things get to you.  Look at the big picture.  Be happy for what you have, don’t be sad for what you don’t have.

Sometimes, we are nicer to strangers than our own family.  It’s weird that way.  It’s like we have to put our best face forward and be nice and polite so people will like us, but then we treat our spouse/sister/brother/best friend like shit or take them for granted.  We drop the façade of good manners.

I think it is important to still be nice.  Especially to the people who are most important to us.  I notice myself I start to be more critical of people I love the best.  I tell myself it is because I want them to be the best people they can be.  But I should just let them be the people they want to be.

This holiday season, this CHRISTMAS season, I am going to be nice.  It is so much easier to be happy and nice, and then grumpy and persnickety.  Don’t be a Grinch.

I must be feeling better.  Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.  It makes be feel better to be a happy person, and to make others happy.

Happy Anniversary my love

Today would have been my 38th wedding anniversary to my first husband.  That’s right I said first.  He should have been my first, and last.

He was my first true love.  I had many firsts with him, the most important being my virginity.  I think that’s how I knew he was the man for me.  I had held out for sooo long, and yet didn’t give it a second thought after I met him.

We got married after only 6 months.  We lived far apart, but both worked in Chicago.  We had lunch together, and walked to the train station together, every day.  We couldn’t bear to be apart.  So we got married.

We were so in love.  How did it go so wrong?  Not going to point fingers, too late for that.  About 30 years too late.  I blame both our jobs, mostly.  Too much time apart.  That’s about all I’ll say about it.  It all still hurts inside and makes me cry, even today.  Especially today.

I have not spoken to him, or seen him, in 30 years.  I know where he lives, but that’s about it.  But I never forget this day.  It was truly one of the happiest days of my life.  So wherever you are, I just want to say…

Happy Anniversary to my first love.

Zoosk me not

zoosk1There is an online dating service that keeps appearing on my Facebook and sending me messages for matches.  Zoosk.  I’m always up for a good laugh so sometimes I peruse the website and look at the “matches” they have selected for me.  I’m not sure what criteria they are using, but we are NOT of the same mind.

Men with beards down to their waist, men with ponytails, men holding their phones up to a mirror, men with HUGE glasses, men with old dirty T shirts on, men with flannel shirts on, men holding toy poodles, men with SQUIRRELS on their shoulders, I kid you not!

Not ONE PICTURE have I seen that is 1)clear and in focus 2) the man has bathed and at a minimum combed his hair 3) the man has shaved in the last 5 or 10 ten years, 4) the man has updated his wardrobe in the last 20 years 5) the man has made ANY attempt to look attractive to a woman. 6) the man doesn’t look half drunk.

I almost want to pay the subscription fees so I can email these men and tell them how to shape up so that they might get a little action going on.  But I recently broke up with a guy who made very little attempt to make himself more attractive to me, even after we had several talks about it.  Some men just can’t be changed, and that’s fine.  Just not for me, no thank you.

Now, I am no lovey duck myself, but I do try to bath every day and put on some makeup and do up my hair and put on clean unwrinkled clothes.  I try to put my best foot forward, as much as possible.  These guys put zero effort into posting a decent picture on a website to try and get a date.

Well, I guess it’s good for a laugh.  And I’m really trying hard not to be mean and make fun of people.  I just don’t understand it.  Many people meet online and get married and live happily ever after.  I think you get what you pay for, and Zoosk may fall at the bottom of the sites as far as I’m concerned.  But, I’m not looking, and I’m not paying, so I guess I don’t care!