30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 9

Day 9.  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Oh dear.  The Titanic looms large.  Rose floating on a wooden panel.  Jack hanging on for dear life.  Until he just….drifts away.

Sorry, couldn’t help it.  It was just crying out to me.  I wonder how many other people heeded its call.  And really.  With all the debris floating around, they couldn’t find a panel for Jack?

Anyway, people do come and go in your world.  Some come for a reason, some for a season.  All are important.

Have you ever met someone, became friends, and figured they would ALWAYS be in your life, no matter what?  Sure.  Of course.

That person for me was my college roommate, Fonzie.  Fonzie of course was her nickname.  Yes, because of Happy Days, lol.

We were the BEST of friends from day one.  I think we spent every available moment together, even when not at school.  I loved that girl so much, she the best friend ever.  I couldn’t ask for anyone better.

But, we did drift apart.  Jobs, boyfriends, and then husbands.  And then she moved to Puerto Rico, for her hubby’s job.  The last time I saw her was at her going away party.  We did Christmas cards for a few years, and then didn’t.

I miss her.  Always have.  Always will.  I wonder how she is.  Did she have children?  Is she still married?  Is she happy?

Fonzie, if you are out there, I wish we would drift back together!

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 7

Day 7.  Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This is easy.  My little great niece, Brianna.

I even got to help pick out her name, as it is my favorite Irish name ever.  Riley was a close second, I would have been happy with either, as she is the perfect little Irish girl.  Her mother is Shannon, her father was Ryan.

I have seen this child almost every day since she was born.  I remember holding her in my arms when she was a baby, and watching her bright eyes search out everything.  I was holding her when she first discovered her hand.  (She was startled, then delighted!)  I was with her when she took her first steps.

She called me Auntie as a baby, and I loved it.  She is a sweet girl, but also headstrong.  She is girly girl, but also brave and fearless.  And she can belt out a favorite song with the best of them!  (Let it Go, anyone?)  Nowadays it’s Adele, Taylor Swift…all the current pop hits.

As she has grown, I find more and more in common with her.  We have the same color hair, the same color eyes, a love for music, singing and dancing.  We giggle together, we tell stories together, we have sleepovers.  She loves my cats. and my cats actually love her too.  When I was in the nursing home for months, there are pictures of them, especially Izzy the shy one, in her arms.  It amazed me.

I love her more than I could ever possibly imagine.  It makes me feel guilty sometimes, as I did have 3 stepchildren at one time, but Brianna comes without drama and a mother who hated my very existence.  I am allowed to love her fully.  She makes me a better person.

I hope in some way I am a positive influence in her life too.  She is one of my reasons for living.

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 6

Day 6.  Something you hope you never have to do.

This one is fixed in my brain.  I hope I never have to pull the plug on someone.

I have had to make tough decisions like this, before, with my mom.  I didn’t have to pull the plug.  I had to pull the feeding tube.  But first I had to make the decision to PUT the feeding tube in, when she just a few days away from death.  I knew she wouldn’t want me too, but we didn’t want her to suffer, despite assurances from medical staff that she wasn’t feeling any hunger or thirst.  But, I couldn’t take the chance, and so a last minute feeding tube was inserted.  After about 6 months, the doctors and hospice staff stated she had “failure to thrive” and we were needlessly prolonging her life.  So I made the call to pull the tube.  I was so upset that day that I actually passed out at work.  But, the woman who hadn’t eaten on her own in 6 months was suddenly eating like a champ!  She didn’t last much longer, but at least I didn’t have to make any more tough decisions.

People need to think very carefully as to who they want to be their medical power of attorney.  This POA needs to be sure to follow the patient’s wishes, all the while making the best medical decisions.  It’s a fine line.  It is something I hope I never have to do.  Again.

Luckily, the rest of my family has their own family to make these decisions for them, so I don’t think I will be called upon once more.  As for myself, I have filled out the necessary paperwork spelling out all my medical, death and funeral wishes, and my will.  Everyone needs to take the time to do this, to save their family unnecessary anguish in having to figure it out themselves.  It is not expensive or that time consuming, you can find programs on the internet to do this for you, even for free.  Most people don’t want to bother with this, or even think about it, because they think it is morbid.  It is not.  It is a necessary fact of life.  And death.

Don’t make someone put this on their “Something I hope I never have to do” list.

 

 

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 5

Day 5.  Something you hope to do in your life.

I want to go visit the land of my people.  The British Isles.  I want to bask in the glorious green of Ireland.  Experience the proper tea of England.  And I want to search for future ex-husband in Scotland.

My father was English (mostly), and my mother was Irish.  Growing up, she always teased about putting me in an Irish Spring commercial, because of my golden reddish brown hair, green eyes, and freckles.  My sister and I were supposed to Irish names.  Joyce was supposed to be Maureen, and I was supposed to be Maggie.  My father stepped in and named us.  Janet, which I never thought of as being British, is indeed an English/Scots name, meaning God has been Gracious.  It is also “little Joan”, and possibly he was naming for his sister, Joan (who was actually Joanne).  My sister’s name Joyce is also English and Irish, and a diminutive of “Lord”.

Interesting.  I NEVER thought we had British names.  We both always hated our names, because we wanted REAL Irish names, lol.  And here we had them, all along!  It’s amazing to me that my mother or father never told us the origin of our names.  Maybe they didn’t know?  I mean, google didn’t exist back then.  But, I’m sure my father did.  He was smarter than I ever knew.

Anyway, moving on to my husband.  I want to go to Scotland and find my own Outlander.  Sam Heughan would do just fine, but perhaps a bit too young for me.  I wonder what his father looks like……

I mean, look at the Scottish men I love besides Sam….Craig Ferguson, Gerard Butler, Sean Connery.  Need I say more?

Seriously though, I couldn’t imagine a better thing to do with my life.  I would sit and look out the window at rolling green hills next to sparkling water, writing my memoirs, sipping on tea.

Sigh…………….

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 4

Day 4.  Something you need to forgive someone else for.

I’m starting to wish this was a Truth or Dare Challenge instead.  I would definitely take the dare.

I’m really racking my brain over this one.  Who do I forgive?  And for what?  I always blame myself for everything.  It’s always MY fault.

But.  There ARE people who done me wrong.  And I suppose I need to forgive them if I want to go to heaven.  It is too troubling and time consuming to continue with hate in my heart.  For anyone.

I have always thought that I did forgive people in the past.  But one thing still haunts my dreams.  So I guess I still need to deal with it.  With the person.

I wish I could have a conversation one on one with this person.  But that will never happen.  This person meant the world to me at one time.  This person broke my heart.  And it makes my heart hurt so much that I cannot have face time to discuss this with them.  So I guess I will just have to put my forgiveness out in the cosmos, and hope it finds its way to them.  I hope the next time I see this person, they will see it in my eyes.  On my face.

Likewise, I hope this person sees inside their own heart, and realizes the long term impact they had on MY heart.  And perhaps initiate a conversation on their own.

I’m not holding out any hope though.  I do feel better for acknowledging the need to forgive.  Hopefully they won’t haunt my dreams anymore.