30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 11

Day 11.  Something people always seem to compliment you on.

I think I would have to say my smile.  Or my ability to smile through the tough times lately.

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My orthopedic surgeon, who has done 11 surgical procedures on my one hip, says I am the bravest person he knows, that I am always smiling despite all the bad news/pain/suffering etc.

My nurses and aides at the hospital and nursing home were always amazed that I kept smiling throughout the day and through rehab etc.  They were always happy to come help me as a result.  In fact, a few of them would come have their lunch break with me, so it was nice to have someone to talk to!  Oh, and having HBO on my laptop drew everyone to my room on Game of Thrones nights!

Many of my friends think I am a smiley person.  I always try to have a good time.  Of course, I’m sure I have just as many friends that think I am smiling maniacally, like a crazy person.

The greeter and the cashiers at the Walmart always like to chat with me, because they say I am always smiling and say nice things.  They are used to grumpy people, or rude people.

My teachers and class mates at the Y where I swim say I am always smiling and singing and dancing and that I make sure to talk to EVERYONE, not just a special few.  This is social hour for many of the seniors that attend, and I try to bring them out of their shell.  They always ask me to plan the parties.  Once again, just like in college, I am the Social Chairman, lol.

Now trust me, I have not always been  smiley person all the time.  I have gone through several pretty dark times in my past where all I did was cry for a year.  Seriously.  So no, I did not smile then.  But, with time, my smile came back.

A smile goes a long way my friend.  It is just as easy to smile and be nice to people as to be mean and rude.  I think I get better service or smiles in return.  And nowadays, that means a lot to me.

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30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 10

Day 10.  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I really don’t think there is any one person I can choose.  I think that every person in your life is there or was there for a reason.  Maybe to make your life happier, maybe to make your life, shall we say, challenging.  Maybe to teach you a hard lesson.

I am happy with all the people in my life currently.  I have some wonderful friends, for which I am very grateful.  I don’t really see people from my past anymore who harmed me mentally or physically.  Or both, for that matter.

I am definitely NOT everyone’s favorite person.  But really, can you be that?  I don’t think so.  I am trying really hard to be a better person, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the most popular person in the room.  If I don’t show up somewhere, people might be relieved, lol.  As my family is quick to tell me, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family!

So, I think because I am divorced, I guess that was the person I needed to let go, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time.  Or for a very long time after.  But with a little distance, I can see that it was a very destructive relationship from the start.  Sometimes love can NOT conquer all.  Do I wish I didn’t know him?  I did, for awhile.  In fact I wished he was dead.  Yep.  Dead.  But then I realized that I must forgive and forget.  And now, I could care less whether he is alive or dead, or what he does with his life.  I am not the one he will face on Judgment Day.  And trust me, I have my own transgressions I must face then myself.

I let it go.  I am one with the wind and sky.

 

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 3

3.  Something you need to forgive yourself for.

Ok, now this is really infringing upon my comfort zone.  I think these questions are getting more personal.  Harder.  I guess they are doing their job.  Sigh.  Here we go….

When I was going to marry my second husband, we made promises to each other.  He promised to never leave me in the manner of my first husband, and I promised to help raise his three small children.

We both failed in our promises.  For the sake of people’s privacy, I will not get into the ugly details.  The whole thing messed me up pretty bad.  It colored my life, my world pretty dark, for a very long time.  I did not know if I would make it through to the other side, for a very long time.  I did not CARE if I would make it through to the other side, for a very long time.

But I did.  And I can see how circumstances caused certain things to happen that I need to forgive myself for.  I would like to say that I learned something from the whole experience.  And I did.  But it wasn’t positive.  It was negative, and very, very painful.

Therefore, I’m shaking myself internally and giving myself permission to forgive myself.

That’s all I really want to say on the subject.