No, I don’t want to listen!

abuseThe LATEST post I have seen on Facebook is asking how long can you listen to elephants screaming while being shot.  I’m serious.  I have asked repeatedly for people not to post this shit on my page, but somehow it always ends up there.  Starving dogs, cats, horses….you name it, I’ve seen it.

I don’t watch Animal Planet anymore for this reason.  You never know when a show or a commercial will pop up.  Even network TV is awful.  As soon as I hear the sad songs starting, I run from the room.  I can’t event trust myself to change the channel before catching a glimpse of something that will keep me awake for nights.

The begging, the pleading, for money to help the poor starving creatures.  Showing the pictures to break your heart.  Almost as disturbing as the pictures of the starving children in Africa, with their big eyes and bloated bellies.

PLEASE, I beg of you in the name of all that is holy, DON’T SHOW ME THIS SHIT ANYMORE!  TAKE IT AWAY!  They should at least give you warning before they show it.  I can’t take it, I don’t want to see it, get it away!

I do donate.  I donate to my church to help people.  I donate to Animal Rescue, crikey I buy clothes and jewelry there!  I donate to my Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation.

It’s not the begging for money part that upsets me.  I understand that they need to get people’s sympathy so they will open up their hearts and their wallets to these causes.  I just don’t want to see the pathetic pictures that will be playing as reruns across my eyelids for months to come when I try to sleep.

And I’m a hypocrite.  I don’t want to see animals starving or injured or hurt.  I could never imagine killing an animal.  But I will eat them.  I will enjoy a good steak, with juices running down.  I will cook a whole chicken.  I am a hypocrite.

These used to be living, breathing creatures.  And they way they end up on our plates is NOT just the neat tidy packages we buy at the store.  I’m sure if I ever did go to a slaughterhouse I would never eat meat again.  Maybe I should.

Now, I wouldn’t go so far as not to drink milk or eat eggs.  You don’t have to kill an animal to get that.  Although they are not necessarily treated very well to get these products.

Geez.  OK.  Now I am REALLY depressed.

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You’d cry too if it happened to you

tearCrying.  It sucks.  Ruins your make-up.  Makes your eyes red and causes snot to run out your nose.  Screws up your sinuses for at least a day.

To those people who say that a good cry is cleansing and good for the soul, I call bullshit.  At least for me, it is NOT a fun time and makes me look like a sniveling idiot.  I do not cry cute crocodile tears.  I cry toxic tears that groove a red path down my face.

But, I’m a crier.  Always have been, always will be, I guess.  I blame it on middle child syndrome.

Sometimes I cry more than other times.  I cried for an entire year after my divorce.  No, really.  AN ENTIRE YEAR.  I blame my ex for not only be a lying cheating alcoholic scumbag, but for aging me at least ten years.  (Divorce decrees should come with built-in plastic surgery clauses for the aggrieved).  I cried at my last job almost every day for the last year and half of my employment when the narcissist bully boss yelled at me. My court case this past year and a half has caused me many tears and fears and sleepless nights.  Again, not good for the appearance.

Let me tell you, crying is not good for maintaining a youthful appearance, it causes wrinkles and bags under your eyes.  I don’t care how many cold rags or cucumbers you put under your eyes.

How do I turn off the faucet?  I have tried many things.  Paxil during the day and Xanax at night seems to work the best.  It helps control my emotions and even out the rollercoaster.  I’ll still cry at Animal Planet, but I won’t just burst into tears for no good reason like usual.

Better living through pharmaceuticals?  Maybe.  But as with everything, it comes at a price.  Paxil puts on the pounds.  Xanax should be saved for special needs.

So.  Now that the worst is behind me, I believe that I am a happy person again.  I have stopped taking Paxil and Xanax now for months.  I used to take TWO anti-depressants plus Xanax.  Now I take ZERO.

I still cry, probably more than a normal person.  But I do recognize that I shouldn’t cry at whatever I am crying about, and stop pretty quickly.  No more long sobbing episodes that ruin me for a good day or two.

I am proud of myself.  It has been a long road.  But I believe I have come out the other side a better person after all my trials and tribulations.  If you see me cry now, please know that it will be short-lived and I will smile through my tears.  Will other things cause me to cry in the future?  Probably.  But not today.  Today is a good day.  Next year will be a good year.

Merry Christmas my friends.  Please remember to keep the Christ in Christmas.