What becomes of the broken-hearted? REDUX

Been thinking a lot about this lately ever since my sister’s husband died right before Christmas.  They were married for 36 years.  She misses him so much.  It will take awhile to put a smile back on her face.  I grieve for her too…..

When people say they could just die from a broken heart, listen to them. They are right.  Broken Heart Syndrome is now a bona fide condition.  How often have you heard of a grieving spouse dying shortly after their loved one?  Research has shown that they are more likely to suffer a heart condition.

When people are grieving over the loss of a loved one due to a variety of circumstances such as death, divorce, break-up, etc., they are likely not to take very good care of themselves.  They can become depressed, not eat or take their meds and get less sleep.  All of which can be a recipe for disaster.

Intense grief brings on psychological stress, increased heart rate, blood pressure, and clotting, and there you have a perfect recipe for a heart attack or stroke.  This can lessen over time, but grief has its timetable for each individual.
I know for myself that grieving takes a long, long time.  I still grieve over my divorce from ten years ago, and at the time I literally prayed for death to come and take the pain away.  The pain WAS physical, not just emotional.  It took me more than a year to feel like any semblance of my former self.  I felt like I aged visibly ten years almost overnight.  My swollen eyes never bounced back and left me with more wrinkles etc.  It really took its toll on me.  Now I know that I was NOT crazy as some people told me.  It is a real condition.  Of course, I could have told you that years ago.
The death of my 3 beloved pets last year made me physically ill for days after each one.  I still cry buckets of tears over them, and give myself headaches and swollen eyes and I can FEEL my heart aching.
They say that time heals all wounds.  I will say the initial intense pain does gradually subside, but it never goes away entirely.  It leaves physical and emotional scars on your heart and your brain and your soul.   You can never go back to what you once were.  You can only go forward and be a better person for what you have experienced.
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Love and Hate….it’s a fine line

 

Where do you draw that line?  How do you go from madly in love to I never want to see your face again?  Did you really ever love each other?  Do you really now hate each other?  Did you really TRY to see the difference?

When you say vows, when you bond FOR LIFE, and then someone RIPS or TEARS that bond apart, part of your heart gets ripped away with it.  There is no clean break.  You each take pieces of each other with you, whether you want to or not.

Vows. Before God. For Life. I honestly think that people do not really care about all that anymore.  The divorce rate is unbelievably high.  It is used as a quick fix, instead of a well thought out and rationally discussed option.

It makes me really sad, especially for myself.  It makes me feel like a failure in God’s eyes, even though it was not my idea, and I fought tooth and nail to stop it.  I fought so hard I almost died doing it.

I have written several other blogs about my ex, so I won’t bore you with the details again.  I just wish that people could go back in time, and gently and respectfully disengage.  The whole process of breaking up is so traumatic, to both our hearts and our minds.  It shouldn’t be this way.  Unfortunately, I don’t think we can change it.  When it comes to our emotions, cooler heads do NOT prevail.

Shame, really.  I love you, I hate you.  So close, yet so far.

I pretended nothing was wrong.  Until that day.  The day we went from saying I love you in the morning, to catching him in the arms of another woman that night.  And just like that, he was gone.  He never spoke to me again except for a few words to say 1) he was never EVER coming back, and 2) to lie at court 6 weeks later that we had been separated for a period of 6 months or more.  Even though deep down I knew it was for the best, it was the disrespect and the lack of closure that left me reeling.

I was left feeling dirty and guilty ashamed for the disintegration of my marriage.  He left on another woman’s arm.

In addition to the abysmal divorce statistics, there are now more single women than married women in the U.S.  Huh.  Go figure.

 

What becomes of the broken-hearted?

When people say they could just die from a broken heart, listen to them. They are right.  Broken Heart Syndrome is now a bona fide condition.  How often have you heard of a grieving spouse dying shortly after their loved one?  Research has shown that they are more likely to suffer a heart condition.

When people are grieving over the loss of a loved one due to a variety of circumstances such as death, divorce, break-up, etc., they are likely not to take very good care of themselves.  They can become depressed, not eat or take their meds and get less sleep.  All of which can be a recipe for disaster.

Intense grief brings on psychological stress, increased heart rate, blood pressure, and clotting, and there you have a perfect recipe for a heart attack or stroke.  This can lessen over time, but grief has its timetable for each individual.
I know for myself that grieving takes a long, long time.  I still grieve over my divorce from ten years ago, and at the time I literally prayed for death to come and take the pain away.  The pain WAS physical, not just emotional.  It took me more than a year to feel like any semblance of my former self.  I felt like I aged visibly ten years almost overnight.  My swollen eyes never bounced back and left me with more wrinkles etc.  It really took its toll on me.  Now I know that I was NOT crazy as some people told me.  It is a real condition.  Of course, I could have told you that years ago.
The death of my 3 beloved pets last year made me physically ill for days after each one.  I still cry buckets of tears over them, and give myself headaches and swollen eyes and I can FEEL my heart aching.
They say that time heals all wounds.  I will say the initial intense pain does gradually subside, but it never goes away entirely.  It leaves physical and emotional scars on your heart and your brain and your soul.   You can never go back to what you once were.  You can only go forward and be a better person for what you have experienced.