They’re back! Those lovely Chantix dreams

dreams

When I quit smoking forever ago, I took Chantix, because I didn’t think I could do it myself. I had failed once before after being smoke-free for exactly one year. I quit on my small bowel resection surgery day, and started up again on the one year anniversary when I was fired from my job after a hostile take-over. (Beware of smiling faces. They don’t tell the truth. Tell lies and I got proof).

But I digress. (There goes that whole “my life is a song lyric” thing). So I bought a pack of cigarettes, to deal with the stress. Only a pack. Until the next day, when I bought a whole carton.

I sure wasn’t proud of myself. In fact I was so ashamed I tried to hide it, and only smoked in the privacy of my own home. In the bathroom with the fan on. Like back in high school. Except I didn’t smoke in high school. But whatever. I got busted by my niece, who kept my secret until my habit took over and I threw caution to the wind and smoked in public again. Wow where people disappointed.

So I decided to take charge again. This time I knew I need chemical help to get this monkey off my back. They say that nicotine is harder to quit than cocaine etc. Can’t personally compare, but I wouldn’t be surprised. One more….it always drags you back. One more means you are still a smoker. Not many people can be just “social smokers”. I know I can’t.

So, I went the Chantix route. My doctor advised me about the vivid dreams I might have. Boy she wasn’t kidding! My experience on Chantix was AWESOME! First off, I quite smoking after 1 1/2 cigarettes. I kid you not. It not only turned off my nicotine receptors in my brain, it made me quite nauseous to even think about ever smoking another cigarette. Still does to this day, almost 10 years later.

But the best part was the dreams! I wrote a previous post about the dreams, they were so incredible! Realistic, colorful, rewindable, incredible dreams! I really missed them, those dreams.

Well, they’re back! I’m not sure why. For whatever reason, I am grateful. They come during a long cold winter, and add some excitement to my life. Don’t get me wrong, they are not all sunshine and puppy dog dreams. Sometimes they are very realistic dreams that hit home in my most venerable spots. Because isn’t that what dreaming is all about? Often I wake up and have to think for a minute what my reality is.

For the most part, my dreams as of late are once again full of action, color, drama etc. I try to write them down when I wake up but usually end up writing nonsensical drivel.

Oh well.  Still provides me with hours of entertainment, lol.  How are you?  Do you have vivid dreams?  Please share with the class!

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She – Part 1

waking up

She woke up in sweat, again, aware of the vivid dream she tried desperately to hold onto.  She knew it would fade into oblivion soon, just like all the others.  She debated waking up fully and trying to write it down, or to just sink back into sleep, back into the dream.  She chose the latter, the pull was too strong.  Her heart and soul was in that dream, and she was determined to reach the end this time.  Every dream always ended right before she could make things right, make things happen the way they should have.  Even though each dream was a little different, the result was always the same.  She was back where she was before, before everything went wrong.  She had a second chance to make things right, if only she could fix it before she woke up.  She always woke up too soon…..

Even though the details of each dream would slowly fade away the next morning, each day when she awoke she was so filled with hope that her dream was the reality, and her reality was just the dream.  Otherwise, how could she have ended up this way?  How could she have messed up so bad?  Where did it all go wrong?  Why couldn’t she stop it?

But reality would indeed sink in within minutes if not seconds.  She would blink away the sleep, and along with it the hope and happiness that occurred in the few moments between sleep and wakefulness.  Sighing, she would get up to start another day.