We all have a bad back every now and then, I think it is a fact of life. I have had more than my fair share. Most recently, since February, I have suffered with herniated disks and sciatica. It has caused me a whole host of problems, included falling and double dislocating the fingers on my left hand, several hospitalizations, several epidural shots, and a surgery 6 weeks ago to do 4 laminectomies and 2 microdisectomies.
Apparently I have Oseoarthritis and Ankylosing spondylitis, which has helped cause these problems. Whatever, all I know is that I have a bad back. A very bad back.
After my surgery 6 weeks ago, I went right back to work (there were extenuating circumstances) and was driving to Libertyville 3-4 days a week plus working from home. I was riding my lawnmower and my quad. I was going to the pool. I was dealing with my sleep apnea and going to sleep studies etc. I was dealing with heart issues and going for stress tests, echocardiagrams and venous studies. I was doing WAY TOO MUCH. So now I am back to square one with my back, and it is mostly my fault. And my Catholic school guilt, which prevents me from putting myself FIRST when I need to. So now I have ruined everything, and I don’t know if it can be fixed. Crikey.
Tomorrow I go back to the hospital for tests and MRI, to see the scope of the further damage I have done to myself. I am on very strong muscle relaxers and pain killers (so excuse the poor grammar etc.). I am dizzy and in severe pain. It takes me 15-30 minutes to get out of bed, because I have to wait for the zingers in my leg to pass enough to put weight on it without screaming. Just like before my surgery. I hate this. I hate myself.
Sigh. Why do I do this to myself? I am my own worst enemy. From now on I am putting myself first. No matter what. Please help me do that!
P.S. You might want to read a previous post, in which I detail what happened back in February. How was YOUR week? Redux