30 Days of Truth – Rewritten

Day 8 – Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Well.  I have fallen way behind on writing about this 30 days challenge.  Because this one.  This one is hard.  Hard to be truthful.  The truth hurts.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  I’m finding it very hard to write about the truth.

I wrote the post.  Finally.  I did.  I tried to be very truthful.  But after rereading what I wrote, I realized that I cannot post it.  It will only give my haters more ammunition to use against me.  Whoever has made my life hell, or treated me like shit, still has to power to continue to do that.  Most of them anyway.

So as much as I hate to disappoint my readers, I cannot post what I originally wrote.  So my original post will be for my eyes only, to reread when I am trying to figure out why people treat like this, and try to work on either cutting those people out of my life, or changing myself into somebody else that is not emotional and keep my mouth shut because it always gets me into trouble.

But I want to say one thing about all this.  I have a small part-time job that validates me as a person, and gets me out of the house a few days a week and lets me use my brain, instead of letting it waste away along with my body.  These people have treated me with only kindness and respect, and make those days I am there so much brighter.  How many people have a boss who lets you cry on their shoulder and gives you hugs back?  And that it’s ok to do that every now and then?  And sends you away for a birthday weekend with “the girls”?  I love these people, and they love me back.  I think, lol.  At least they say they do :).   So I’ve got that going for me.

So, onto Day 9!  Hopefully it will be easier!

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 1

Ok Ok, I too have been remiss in keeping up with my blog!  Two of my blogging buddies have started this challenge and have inspired me to do the same!  Gotta get the old creative juices flowing again!  So here goes:

Day 1:  SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF

Wow.  Just one thing?  Actually, this will be easy, but MY one thing colors my whole world.

Emotional.  Too dang emotional.  About everything.

I used to be the opposite.  I was young, carefree, optimistic, and happy-go-lucky.  Then life happened.

A life changing event happened.  I cried literal buckets of tears.  So many tears, I can’t believe I had any in reserve.  But, as we will find out, I had plenty left.  Anyway, I was still fairly young and went on with my life, and was happy again.

Another life changing even happened.  Good God, this time I cried RIVERS of tears.  And the emotions got out of hand.  This time, I needed help getting through.  Lots of help, cause I really didn’t care if I made it through to the other side.  And that, as they say, was the kicker.  That is when my emotional being took charge of my life.  And ever since then, I have been trying to beat her back, as more challenging life events keep happening as I age.

Sometimes I am successful.  Sometimes I think I can handle anything.  Sometimes I am so very wrong.

My emotions get the better of me, and I say and do things that alienate me.  From family, from friends.  I speak before thinking.  Or, maybe I should say, I speak WHAT I am thinking.  Which usually backfires, because most people can’t handle the truth.  They don’t want to hear it.  Better left unsaid, and all that other rot.

So I cry a lot. Still.  Buckets and buckets.  My little white Paxil Pill helps me a lot.  It used to stop most of my crying.  Now it stops about half of it.  But I think I would rather cry than just stop caring at all.

But.  I do think it is time for my emotional being to go back into the closet and lock the door.  Because that is one thing I hate about myself.