30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 4

Day 4.  Something you need to forgive someone else for.

I’m starting to wish this was a Truth or Dare Challenge instead.  I would definitely take the dare.

I’m really racking my brain over this one.  Who do I forgive?  And for what?  I always blame myself for everything.  It’s always MY fault.

But.  There ARE people who done me wrong.  And I suppose I need to forgive them if I want to go to heaven.  It is too troubling and time consuming to continue with hate in my heart.  For anyone.

I have always thought that I did forgive people in the past.  But one thing still haunts my dreams.  So I guess I still need to deal with it.  With the person.

I wish I could have a conversation one on one with this person.  But that will never happen.  This person meant the world to me at one time.  This person broke my heart.  And it makes my heart hurt so much that I cannot have face time to discuss this with them.  So I guess I will just have to put my forgiveness out in the cosmos, and hope it finds its way to them.  I hope the next time I see this person, they will see it in my eyes.  On my face.

Likewise, I hope this person sees inside their own heart, and realizes the long term impact they had on MY heart.  And perhaps initiate a conversation on their own.

I’m not holding out any hope though.  I do feel better for acknowledging the need to forgive.  Hopefully they won’t haunt my dreams anymore.

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30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 3

3.  Something you need to forgive yourself for.

Ok, now this is really infringing upon my comfort zone.  I think these questions are getting more personal.  Harder.  I guess they are doing their job.  Sigh.  Here we go….

When I was going to marry my second husband, we made promises to each other.  He promised to never leave me in the manner of my first husband, and I promised to help raise his three small children.

We both failed in our promises.  For the sake of people’s privacy, I will not get into the ugly details.  The whole thing messed me up pretty bad.  It colored my life, my world pretty dark, for a very long time.  I did not know if I would make it through to the other side, for a very long time.  I did not CARE if I would make it through to the other side, for a very long time.

But I did.  And I can see how circumstances caused certain things to happen that I need to forgive myself for.  I would like to say that I learned something from the whole experience.  And I did.  But it wasn’t positive.  It was negative, and very, very painful.

Therefore, I’m shaking myself internally and giving myself permission to forgive myself.

That’s all I really want to say on the subject.