Somebody loves me :-?

LoveMaybe
I just found out this morning that somebody loves me.  Actually I’ve suspected it for awhile.

But when I received the text that he was in love, I wasn’t sure exactly how to respond.  Panic?  Grateful?  Unsure?  Happy?

So I let it sit for a bit.  Then I responded that “my feelings have grown too”.  And they have.  But I’m just not sure that I want to start throwing that “L” word around.  That kind of word gets you into all kind of trouble.  Trouble that I paid for twice with failed marriages, that cost me a fortune in terms of emotions, feelings, and yes, money.

I am happy that somebody loves me.  I’m a hard person to love.  My family tells me that all the time, lol, and I’m sure that’s why I’m still single.  I’m too persnickety.  My sister says I have a circus mirror in my bedroom, and when I look in it, I still think I’m 21, with long hair and a hot bod.  Ummm, no I don’t, but I still think of myself as younger in my head.  Like when I picture myself, it’s not quite reality.  Oh well.

I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do about the new information.  I think I will let it percolate for a little while and see where it goes.  He’s not perfect, but God knows, neither am I.  Maybe we are a match made in Heaven!  Not sure, don’t know if I buy into that whole “God created one person for you” thing.  This world is too big for that.  I am too tired to search the globe!

One of my fellow bloggers just recently stirred up a real shit storm on his blog when he broke up with his girlfriend.  He puts most of his personal life into his blog, and has thousands of followers.  Including his girlfriend.  So she is privy to all his private thoughts and feelings about her and everything else in this world.  Not sure if that is a good thing.  Also, I’m not sure if MY person reads my blog.  He expressed interest in it, but I’ve never given him the website.  But I DID get him going on a smart phone, and I’m sure he could eventually find this.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I kind of like being able to talk about “things” without repercussion of stepping on somebody’s toes or hurting their feelings etc.

Ah, the perils of being a blogger.  Thank goodness I am not a popular one!

The true meaning of friendship

 

happy people

I think my regular readers know that I have been going through a medical situation.  I had my right hip replaced on May 14th, and then it got infected and I was back in the hospital with more surgery etc. on May 31st.

It hasn’t been an easy ride.  At all.  Pretty bumpy as a matter of fact.  Irregular heart rate during surgery, skyrocketing blood sugar, vomiting for days, blood transfusion, blown out IV veins, NO veins, etc.  And that was just the first few days.  Now I am dealing with a bad infection that could jeopardize the future of my hip.  I had another surgery, another 4 day stay in hospital, PICC line (thank God), at home nursing care now and daily infusions.  Actually, today I did my own infusion, because insurance doesn’t pay for daily nurses.

When I came home from rehab back in May I thought I was over the worst and could walk pretty good and pain was minimal. I was ecstatic.  Now, I feel like I have regressed and am way, way back.  I have pretty significant pain, can’t walk without my walker, and am homebound. 😦  I still don’t know what my future holds for me and have to live day-to-day.

BUT.  There’s always a but.  In this case, a good but.  This whole situation has made me realize who my real friends are, and I have been become much closer to my family, especially my sister.  People have prayed, sent cards, visited, sent flowers, presents, and most of all have supported me in this ordeal.  I can actually FEEL the outpouring of love and prayers floating up to heaven.

When I was in the hospital this past weekend, I went to the Chapel on Saturday night during my nightly walk.  The hospital was pretty much empty.  Who wants to stay in a hospital on the weekend, besides this girl?  Anyway, the chapel was very peaceful and had a login book you could write requests/prayers to God in.  So I sat down and wrote 2 journal pages of thoughts to God.  I asked him for healing help and also thanked him for the new hip he gave me, and could I please keep it?  I told him I would take very care of it.  I ended my journaling with a plea for a Blackhawks win, and he gave me both Sat and Sun win, so I know he is listening to me.  The next day, Sunday, the Chaplain came to visit me in my room and said how much he enjoyed reading my entry.  He was a nice man and stayed to chat for a while.  I told him my fears and he helped calm me with thoughts of Jesus taking care of me.  So, thank you Jesus, for everything so far, and yet to come.

And thank you to all my friends and family, without all of you I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I appreciate all the help that has been offered and given.  Love to you all.

 

 

 

OMG, a GAY athlete?!!!!!

gay
Seems to me that the world of sports was kind of like the military in that regard. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Cause soldiers and athletes are manly men, and nobody wants to think of them as being gay, because that is just not right, right?

Wrong. I am not for or against gays, I am neutral on the whole subject. But I do know that gay men are not all hairdressers or designers. There are gay/lesbian people in ALL walks of life, whether you acknowledge it or not.

I am not gay, and I don’t pretend to understand the mind/body mechanisms of being gay. I do not know if you are born gay, become gay, want to be gay, don’t want to be gay, whatever. I do know that having gay parents doesn’t make you gay, just as having straight parents doesn’t make you straight. I know that it is a religious issue, and some religions condemn gays. I know that being gay causes great pain and suffering for both the person and the family.

Coming out is the big deal. What you do behind closed doors is your own personal business, but once you put it out there, you can’t it take it back. Even if you try, people will always wonder.

Back a few years ago, it seemed that all the high school girls were making out with other girls, and all the guys thought it was hot. Did that make them lesbians, or bi? I don’t think so. I think they did it just because it was the new, off the hook thing to do to shock and amaze people. High school/college seems to be the time for experimenting, with sex, drugs and rock and roll. Don’t laugh, it’s true! Except for me, I believed everything the nuns beat into our heads.  I am still damaged to this day.

This world we live in has become so diverse.  People of all color, religion, sexual orientation…..need to work it out, and live in peace.  Together, while still respecting each one’s individuality.   I’m not sure what God’s plan is with all this, but I am sure that he wants us to be happy and live in harmony.  So, live and let live!

Bah Humbug, I mean Happy Easter!

easterbunnies

Typically when people think of Easter, it’s all about easter eggs and candy and cute little bunny rabbits.  Ham for dinner, hopefully with your family and friends.

Except it’s not supposed to be all about bunnies and chocolate and jelly beans.  It’s the day that Christ has risen from the dead, after being horribly crucified and dying for us.  Pain.  Suffering.  Blood.

cross

But nobody wants to think about that.  They run out and buy little rabbits for their kids, forever dooming them to a life spent in a tiny cage with nobody paying attention to them after the first day.  Do you know how long a rabbit can live in a cage?  A long time.  Just ask my sister.  The pet store does NOT take them back.  Many will release them into the wild, sentencing them to certain death by more experienced predators.  Maybe that’s better than sitting in a cage.

The candy and the easter eggs are fairly harmless, albeit to your waistline.  But some families go WAY beyond that.  Another gift giving opportunity!  Bicycles and new spring clothes and iPods and iPads….the list goes on.

Call me a scrooge.  I don’t believe that children need pricey Easter baskets full of gifts that the giver probably put on their credit card which will take them ten years to pay off the balance.  And don’t get me started on Christmas.  All these RELIGIOUS holidays have turned into a marketing frenzy for stores.  Presents galore!

Now, don’t get me wrong, nothing cuter than an Easter egg hunt with the little ones for that perfect Kodak moment.  But too many people are too busy with the extravaganza they have made these holidays into to even go to church.  Too busy shopping, baking, cooking etc. to go to church, and give an hour to God to praise him for sending his only begotten Son to earth to SUFFER and DIE for our sins.

And that makes me sad.  And a scrooge, I guess.  I’m done with the Easter baskets and presents etc.  If parents want to give their kids presents, I’m all for it.  But beyond that, I think it is unnecessary.  I love getting together with my family, but we should be rejoicing in the MEANING of the day, and not about how many gifts we bring.

The saddest part of all are the people who think of themselves as good Catholics or Christians and spent a lot of money to send their kids to private Catholic school, and then never go to church.  I sure don’t understand that one.  What is that teaching their children?  What kind of example is that setting?

Trust me, I am no Saint.  I am not a good example of a good Catholic.  I go to church willy nilly, sometimes a lot, sometimes a little.  I went to the Easter Vigil last night for the first time in my life, and I went to Catholic school for 10 years!  I grew up in a Catholic family who rarely went to church on Sundays, and it used to embarrass me on Mondays when my friends at school would ask why they never saw me at church on Sundays.  My mom and dad were hard workers and I suppose they thought it was their day of rest.  After all, us kids went to mass every day before school.  That was enough.  And as kids, we agreed!

So, I guess it is a personal interaction with God.  Some people say they don’t need to go to church to pray.  I myself feel better to go to God’s house to pray.  It gives me peace, and I mostly enjoy the familiar ceremony.  As long as you feel at peace with God and yourself, you should be go to go.  As for me, I hope that God accepts me into the kingdom of heaven, and I am not left behind.

heaven

 

Dear Rainbow Bridge

It must be getting crowded on your side.  Several of my friends and bloggers have recently lost their pets.  I have contributed more than my fair share.

I love the idea of the Rainbow Bridge.  For those of you who are not familiar with it, it is a story that goes like this:

RB_Poem_Gate

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…. 

Author unknown..

I just KNOW the Rainbow Bridge is real.  I just KNOW that God will reunite us with our beloved pets.  I cannot wait to see them.  Laddie, Scuffy, Mimi, Cali, UPer, Baby Kitty, Savanah, Maggie, Mollie, Maddie, Simon, and eventually Ozzy and Izzy.  I can picture myself, young and strong and beautiful again, running across the bridge, and being covered by all my loves, and playing in a beautiful green meadow covered in flowers.

That would just make my idea of heaven complete.

The History Channel’s The Bible

historybible

Hmmmm.  As we Catholics are currently conclaving for a new Pope after the last one quit (and perhaps the white smoke has appeared even while writing this), I felt that I should go back to my Christian roots and watch The Bible.

Wow.  What a time in History.  So glad I was born in modern times.  The whole thing just reeks of dust and sand and sweat and sin to me.  That’s right.  I said sin.  Even the Kings of Israel sin.  Big time sins.  Mortal sins.  And here I am worried about my petty little venial sins.

I guess back in those days you had to live for the moment, because it was such a violent time.  You never knew when you might get a spear in your back, even from your King.  I have watched 4  hours of it so far, and it leaves me to wonder…..

THAT’S the Promised Land?????  Nothing but sand and rocks and hills to climb.  Where is the grass?  Where is the water?  How did these people live?  You never see anyone eating.  Drinking wine, maybe.  I guess they ate the sheep the shepards herded, but what did the sheep eat?  There is not so much as a hint of green anywhere.

jerusalem

These are the kind of things I wonder about when watching TV.  I’m always looking for some sense of reality.  (But not OUR kind of reality TV, lol).  I want things to make sense.  Like how come David could commit adultery and send the husband to his death and still be King? Ok, so God took his first-born son as retribution, but allowed him to produce another.  And what about all the fighting and murdering?  They decide to make Jerusalem their home base, so they have to go in and kill everybody.  Jerusalem translates loosely to City of Peace.  Ummm, not so much.  It has been fought over for centuries.

The killing thing has always bugged me.  It’s in the Ten Commandments.  THOU SHALL NOT KILL.  Oh, unless it is for religious reasons  Or fighting for your country reasons.  Which is usually related to religious conflicts.  Come to think of it, most of our wars are deeply rooted in differences in religious beliefs.  Crikey, we had HOLY wars!

So how come it is ok to kill in the name of religion?  I’m not just talking about the Christians, or Philistines, but also about the Muslims, Buddhist, etc.  Everyone thinks that THEIR religion is the only true religion.  So everyone else must agree, or die.

How come we can’t all get along?  Is it that hard?  Apparently it is.

Maybe that’s why all the Miss Universe beauty pageant contestants always answer “world peace”.

And let’s just touch briefly on Noah and the flood.  Apparently God wanted to cleanse the earth, so Noah loaded up his ark and God washed away all the evil on the earth.  Was it that much worse back then than now?  How much more evil can this world get?

Questions, questions.  All I have are questions.  If someone can answer my questions, please do!

P.S.  Late breaking news…we have a new Pope!

Is there only one true Jesus? – REDUX

Now that we are “Popeless”, and Lent to boot, my Catholic friends and I have been having “Christian” dinners together on Friday nights.  (This means meatless).  We have been having some lively discussions on the reason behind the Papal retirement.  I mean, he quit.  There is no quitting in the Papacy!  I’m sure to non-Catholics, all these cover-ups and conspiracy theories are making for a lot of “told you so” fodder.  Anyway, I originally wrote this blog over a year ago, but it seems very relevant today.

Last night I got into an very interesting conversation about my renewed interest in God, Jesus, and all things religion.  Lately I have been reading the Left Behind series of books, and what a revelation the Book of Revelations has become to me!

I went to Catholic school back in the days of real priests and nuns as teachers.  Since most of them were not necessarily educated to be teachers, they relied very heavily on teaching reading, writing and religion.  The whole school attended Mass every morning, and twice on holy days.  I think I can still recite the entire thing in Latin!  Which actually turned out very useful to me, as Latin is the root of all Romance languages, and my love of reading and writing is with me to this day.

I grew up receiving most of the sacraments and going to church and never questioning the teaching of the church.  That has changed since I began questioning evolutionism versus creationism.  I have my own theory on that which combined the two to my satisfaction.  (I will write a blog on my theory soon!)

Then along came Left Behind and a few other books I have read along that genre.  It really made sense to me.  I had never really thought much about the “rapture” and all that would happen afterwards.  I read the words years ago but never studied them or knew their true meaning.  Also, I have always been troubled about what would happen to all those good people on earth who believe in their own God, like Buddha and Allah etc.  And the Jewish faith, who is still waiting for their Messiah.  Is it really true that they cannot go to heaven because they don’t believe in Jesus?  Do they go to their own heaven?  Or are they “left behind”, and become true believers during the Tribulation?

Crikey, I remember back in grade school when I thought my non-Catholic (but still Christian) friends couldn’t go to heaven with me and I cried and cried.  That’s what the nuns taught us, and we all bought it hook, line and sinker.  I think that is why some people think the Catholic church is like a cult.  I am proud to be a Catholic, but don’t buy into 100% of their doctrine.  Which they change.  More than once.  Confusing.  Also they don’t aways practice what they preach.  What?!?! you may say.  Think about the cover up with priests/boys.  Enough said.  Moving on.

The idea of an Antichrist and Armagedon has always fascinated me.  But I never thought about the reality of that actual scenario.  The Left Behind books, even though classified as fiction, give me a believable picture of how it will happen and what life will really be like. And if so, I certainly don’t want to be left behind, as I have I stated in a previous blog!

Our conversation last night debated the question on why God would not let a good person into heaven, if they follow all the commandments and moral code, but don’t necessarily believe in Jesus like he wants.  Many people figure that if they are Christian and live a decent life that they get a free pass into heaven.  I’m afraid that isn’t true.  I’m afraid I may not make it there, even though I am a believer.  But I am going to try my hardest.

I am glad that I had good friends to have this interesting debate with (thanks Amy, Kathy and Lin!).  Everyone has their own beliefs and their slant on religion.  I learn so much from other people.  I hope to keep an open mind and become a better person.

One job, two dogs, and a cat later…..

recovery

And here it is almost two years later.  Things are better.  So much better.  2011 was surely my hell on earth.  I lost so many things that year.  I used to wonder why I was being punished, and would say that I must have been a horrible person in a previous life.

The loss of my pets still guts me.  I second guess myself to this day.  Did I miss something, could I have done something better.  I loved my pets as much, if not more, than I love some human.  To me, they were human.  They could read my mind, as I could read theirs.  They were all beautiful creatures, inside and out.  Maddie was the cutest little golden retriever, with a heart as pure as gold.  She was taken too soon from me by kidney disease.  Only six years I had her.  She truly was a Golden Angel.  My Mollie was my big bad lab, and she was the most gorgeous white lab I had ever seen.  Long legs, not a blocky head, a proud tale that could clear a table in one swipe.  She lived a long life for a lab, but the day I put her down was one of my darkest ever.  The vet tech and I laid on the floor with her for over an hour just sobbing.  That day I went home, and now there were no dogs waiting for me with love shining from their eyes, and pure joy waggling their butts.

So that left Simon.  My beautiful Simon the Siamese cat.  He was my sister’s, but always loved me the best, as I did him.  I took him after Maddie died, as I need a new bed companion.  He was the BEST cat ever.  Ever.  Gorgeous, loyal, and followed me everywhere.  Sat on a chair in my office, sat on my lap watching TV, laid in his kitty bed on the bed next to me.  Mollie and Simon just ignored each other, so everyone got along just fine.  After Mollie died, it was just the two of us.  I knew I could never bring another dog into my home, the pain was just too great.  Simon was only six, I had many years left with him.

Except I didn’t.  After only 4 months, Simon too died, after a horrible night at the emergency vet.  I was in shock.  Really, God?  Really?  I was inconsolable.  That Sunday at church, I kept asking God why.  I was such a good mommy.  Why did God take my beloved pets from me?

I know the answer to that, unfortunately.  God gives me the special needs animals.  The animals that need special food and the meds.  The animals that need someone observant enough of their habits to realize when something is wrong.  The animals that would love me unconditionally, and give me back the love I so wanted and needed.

.But.  I just cannot live without a pet.  My heart is not ready yet for a dog, but cats are perfect, because they are more independent.  I have two new cats now.  They both have special needs, although I was not aware of it when I rescued them.  Ozzy has a defective bladder, and requires special food and meds.  Izzy has kitty colitis, and also requires special food.  But they are worth it.  They give me joy and love and all the affection I could possibly want, especially my Siamese Izzy.  They love each other and sleep curled up together in their kitty bed on my bed, or under the covers with me.  We are a good trio.  I am so happy Ozzy and Izzy found me, and adopted me.

As far as everything else goes, I have rekindled old friendships, and found new ones.  I have re-discovered my self-respect, self-love, and self-determination.  Sure, there have been bumps along the way, but my path is smooth now.  I work for myself and reap my own rewards.  Sink or swim, I am in control of my own destiny.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned?

pope

The Pope quit.  QUIT.  I’m sorry, but the Pope is not allowed to quit.  Maybe he is old and sick and senile…..whatever.  The other Popes never quit.  You stay Pope until you die.  It’s tradition.

But.  There’s always a BUT, right?  When people quit out of the blue, there is usually an underlying reason for it.  And it’s usually not good.

The Catholic church has been under fire lately, mostly for priests that can’t keep their pants on around boys.  The Catholic church has been “recycling” these priests for years, in an attempt to cover up their “sins”.  Dear Lord, we Catholics are going to confession for our little sins and asking a pedophile for forgiveness.

And now, CARDINALS are dropping out of the Pope race because of scandals.  Good Lord, where does it end?  Does it end at the POPE?  Did he quit because he was tired of covering up for others?  Or for himself?

There is a document about leaks of a supposed network of gay priests.  A document that only the Pope, and his successor, have access to.  No plans to share it, not even among the conclave.  Once again the Catholic church chooses secrecy over transparency.

Please don’t preach to me about how I shouldn’t think such thoughts about holy men.  I’m sorry, they are HUMAN, they are NOT perfect, they commit SINS, no matter how HOLY they are.  I grew up as a good Catholic girl thinking that priests and nuns etc. were special people who had a true calling to God and were above human temptations.  I no longer think that.

The whole thing just makes me sad.  I do think that Popes should be able to retire or quit if they want to.  At a certain age maybe they are no longer effective.  Perhaps we should elect younger Popes.  But again, age is not the issue right now, I don’t think.  The issue is the failings inside the church.  Like any big corporation, just keep promoting the trouble makers, right?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

P.S.  Personally I think it was his Twitter account that caused all this mess.  Ha.

Doing the Tebow – REDUX

Football play-offs are approaching, and I was thinking of Tebow yesterday, and remembering all the fuss about him last year.  And I don’t want him to be forgotten.  I think he could be a great quarterback, and I KNOW he is a great man.  Soo here is what I was thinking last December…..

Meet Tim Tebow.  The man, the legend….what a quarterback should look like.  High school star, college star, Heismann Trophy winner.  He’s got it all.  Oh, and by the way, he is a Christian, and proud to show it.

Whether or not his stats bear out his greatness, I am a believer.  It’s not just about winning.  It’s about making people believe that they can.  Tebow is God’s quarterback and has made quite a statement in not just the NFL, but the world. 

Tebow has now become part of our lexicon. He is a proper noun as in Tim Tebow, he is a noun like “That was classic Tebow”.  He is a verb as in “Tebowing”, or more specifically, to get down on one knee and start praying, even if everyone around you is doing something different.  He is an adjective too unfortunately, as in “The Bears got Tebow-beat on Sunday”.

So even though I am a Bears fan, excuse me cause I got some Tebowing to do.