Am I safe yet?

It was a beautiful day in June about 3 years ago.  I was on the train heading home from a great weekend visiting with a friend in Chicago and taking in the sights.  My cell phone rang, and it was my neighbor.  She asked me when I would be home, as 2 FBI agents were looking for me.

My stress level went through the roof!  I went over and over again in my mind what they could possible want.  I was a good, law abiding citizen!  With some trepidation, I called the number on the card they left when I got home.

Shortly thereafter 2 agents in suits appeared at my door.  I did not let them in. First I asked them for identification.  I told them their FBI ID cards could be bought on the internet.  I told the same thing about their badges.  Finally they gave me a card for their Chicago FBI office and the name of their supervisor.  I called the number.  They answered FBI offices of Chicago.  I asked for the supervisor.  Said he was out.  Then I asked for one of the agents at my door.  They said he was out.  I said out doing what.  They would not tell me, obviously.  I said I was going to call the police as I didn’t believe these guys were agents.  In the next minute or so, the supervisor called me back.  These guys were legit.

Now that I vetted them, it was time to get down to business.  The lead agent said he was sorry to inform me that I was on the ISIS Civilian Kill List.  What?

I think at that point my jaw dropped.  I sat down on my front porch.  I thought it must be a joke.  A bad joke.

They explained to me that in order to become a member of ISIS, you must kill an Infidel to get your jihad.  An Infidel is a Christian, like me.  So they published a Civilian Kill List for the United States lone wolf who wants to become a member of this illustrious group.

By this time I am envisioning running down my street with a crazed kid after me with a butcher knife so he could behead me in public.  Yikes!

Why was I on this list?  They could not say why, but that Quantico was analyzing the data, and they would let me know if they found anything.  My name and address was on the list, along with about a hundred other people.  They needed to find a common thread.

After I asked about a million questions, they told me I should:  get an alarm system, get a dog, get a gun, tell my family and friends and neighbors etc.  Be aware of my surroundings at all times.

Was I really in danger?  Is someone going come and kill me, in Antioch IL?  They didn’t know.  It was their responsibility to inform me of the situation.  They had already informed the Lake County Sheriff about the situation, and they were going to add patrols to my neighborhood.  Crikey!

After they left, I sat in shock for awhile.  Then I got in my car and drove to Red Dot Arms.  When I explained the situation to them, they really got excited.  They live for this kind of stuff!  They are all armed to the teeth.  Anyway, they spent a lot of time with me picking out a hand gun for me and showing me the basics.  They let me shoot it, and I wasn’t a fan.  But I bought the gun.  They literally wanted me to buy tear gas and shotguns and all kinds of rigmarole.  Geez!  I thought they were going to move in with me so they could get the chance to shoot a real bad guy!  (Trust me, I thought about it!)

Then I went and told my family, all of who live in my neighborhood.  They did not believe a word I said.  They said I was making up this story, for attention.  Like, what would they want with an old lady from Antioch?  Exactly.

It was Red Dot Arms that broke the case open.  They were called by several other people, who were also on my list!  These other people had gone on a church trip to Israel.  They had a Palestine guide, who apparently sold their church list to ISIS.  ISIS then filled out the list with random members of other Christian churches.

I called the FBI to let them know.  They were on the case too, and had come up with the same conclusion.  They came back out to talk to me, to calm me down.

So.  I got a deadbolt and started locking my door.  I told my Ozzy cat he was now the official guard dog.  I told my friends and other neighbors etc.  I started looking over my shoulder.

It was not the best summer after that.  I would practice how fast I could get my gun out of my safe, slap the cartridge in, and be ready to fire.  It took 6 seconds.  I would be dead by then, but was scared to keep my gun loaded and under my pillow or something.

I was scared of my gun, so I took a CCL class.  Didn’t help me overcome my fear.  My arthritis prevents me from firing the gun like a pro.  I have not used my gun since that class, three years ago.

Time has passed.  Nobody has shown up yet.  I am thinking they won’t.  ISIS is so last year.  At least I hope so.

I am no longer afraid of ISIS.  Now I am afraid of a mass shooter showing up at my school, or Wal-mart or church.  A domestic terrorist, home grown right here in the good old USA.  The chances of that happening to me are much better.

Kinda sad, huh?  Oh and if you dont believe my story either, here is a post from 2016 about civilian kill lists.




Look me in the eye


Wake up feeling depressed?  Grab your gun and go pick off a few students.

Wake up feeling hopeless?  Grab your gun and go pick off a few students.

Wake up feeling lonely?  Grab your gun and go pick off a few students.

Wake up feeling unloved?  Grab your gun and go pick off a few students.

You see where I’m going here, right?

Since when has it become the norm to take your feelings out on other people?

Since when has it become almost a weekly occurrence to have a shooting?

Since when has so many people gone undetected for mental illness?

Since when do people have such a disregard for other’s lives?

Lives matter.  All lives.  Even the disturbed ones.  Especially the disturbed ones.

I find it hard to believe that a good kid can go bad overnight and decide to go on a rampage and kill other people, and then usually himself.

I find it hard to believe that parents would have no clue.

I find it hard to believe that friends would have no clue.

I find it hard to believe that neighbors would have no clue.

I find it hard to believe that teachers would have no clue.

People have committed suicide since the beginning of time.

Now they committed homicide/suicide.

How did this happen?  How did it become a “group” event instead of solitary event?

Has life itself become so unbearable that this is the only option for these people?

People have debates about guns.  People pass bills for gun control.  People put guards up.  People have extra security.

Guns are just a tool.  We could be talking about knives or any other weapon that can harm a person.  Guns are just the most efficient killing machines to use in a crowd for one person to cause devastation while looking in the eyes of their victims.  Watching them die.  Bombs etc. are too impersonal.  People themselves are very impressive killing machines.  Top of the food chain.  Top of all chains.

People should start worrying about PEOPLE instead of guns.  People should start talking to people.  Not texting.  Not calling.  Talking.  Face to face.

Families should spend time together.  Parents should be connected to what their kids need. Kids need time and attention.  Money can’t buy love.  Kids need to learn HOW to become good people.  How to deal with their problems constructively.  If a kid doesn’t have any friends, why?  If a kid is doing bad in school, why?  If an adult is having personality problems, why?  If an adult is doing bad at work, why?  If someone is a loner, and spends their time writing manifestos or other diatribes, someone should know.  Especially a parent.  In this day and age of technology, it is too easy to hide behind a computer or phone.  Parents need to monitor what their kids are doing online and on social media.  High tech is not necessarily a good thing for the human race.

People need to start reconnected with people on a personal level.  All this mass killing is a cry for help.  A BIG cry.  We need to start listening.



Guns….to have or have not


No guns allowed.  That’s right.  No. guns. allowed.

These signs are posted everywhere now, it seems, especially since the passing of the concealed carry law here in Illinois.  Every gun crazy person is now sporting a gun hidden in a pocket of their new expensive “conceal” clothing.  A whole new market has opened up.








There are whole clothing lines, from lingerie to outerwear, just for gun toting.



The whole subject of guns is a hotbed of controversy.  I myself would prefer that guns were not hidden.  You got a gun, show it, so we know you are a big shot and “armed and dangerous”.  Don’t stick it in your underwear and accidently shoot your frank and beans off.

Speaking of which, there are a significant number of gun fanatics I know that suffer from small penis syndrome.  You know the type.  Mucho macho hard talking show off gun toters.  They can’t WAIT to be a vigilante and save people from a possible criminal.  They’ll shoot at the first sign of trouble.

But guess what?  You can’t bring your gun anywhere anymore.  The signs are up.  No guns allowed, in church, school, bars, restaurants, hotels, casinos, grocery stores, retail stores… hey Mr. Macho, where ya gonna carry that gun?  Most likely you’ll have to leave it in the car.

Which leads me to an interesting story.  I was seeing a guy who had a huge case of small penis syndrome.  The first time he came to visit me I did not know he was a gun fanatic.  The next morning I looked outside and saw that he had left his car door open overnight.  He ran out like a flash, and was relieved to find that his GUN was still in the backseat.  I was livid.  My brother’s kids live yards away from my house, and what if they found the gun?  That’s what happens.  Kids find guns, and then kids die.  Anyway, I told him I did not want to be around guns but he continued to bring them (yes, multiple ones) and carry them into places even if they had a sign.  He was totally belligerent about the whole thing, and was one of the final nails in his coffin when I broke up with him.

And the whole Bambi thing.  Hunting.  How can you look a wild, free, beautiful animal in the eye and then shoot and kill it?  I just don’t get it.  My ex-boss shot a deer across the street in the woods, and then proceeded to hack it up in front of the office windows.  All. day. long.  I hope one day a deer will attack him, like in those crazy videos.  He deserves it.  And much worse.  So, let’s move along.

I am not TOTALLY against guns.  They have their place.  I myself have a FOID card, and like to go to the shooting range.  If I ever NEED to shoot, I want to know how.  When the Zombie virus hits, I want to use a gun, not a knife or sword and get their blood and guts all over me.  Unless I can be badass, like Michonne.

In the meantime though, I am not going to carry around my gun, looking for trouble. (George Zimmerman anyone?)  Most people I ask about why they carry guns say they would rather have it if they need it, then not have it and be sorry or dead.  And that if you pass a law and take away all the guns, the only guys that will have one will be the criminals.  Probably true somewhat.  But the stats show that most gun ownership results in higher gun-related accidents, homicide and suicide rates in the home.  I’m sure the NRA would dispute these stats.  But anyway.

It is a Catch-22 indeed.  What are your thoughts on gun?


Lessons from Ferguson

Listen.  I’m not going to get into a political debate, or race debate, or right or wrong debate.  I think enough time has now passed to post this blog, which I started as soon as I heard the decision, which started a whole shit storm reaction.

But let me just say this.  If a cop tells me to do something, I’m going to do it.  If he tells me to jump, I’ll say how high.  If he tell me to put my hands up, they are going up.  If he tells me to get down, I’m getting down.  In fact I might do that all that, without even being told.


I don’t care if you are white, black, purple, red or yellow.  You respect the badge.  In fact, you should fear the badge.  I am a white woman who has never been arrested.  Yet I would never jeopardize myself in ways that disrespect others.

A cop (or a soldier, for that matter) has only an instant in time to decide whether you are a good guy or a bad guy.  If you make ANY KIND OF DUMB ASS MOVE, it’s your own damn fault if you pay for it with your life.  If you chose to play around with a toy gun, that has its safety marking removed, you will pay for that mistake too.  If you start shooting off your mouth, or make threatening moves, once again, you are responsible for your mistake, and may pay for it with your life.

A cop leaves for work every day wondering if it will be his last.  A routine traffic stop.  A defiant kid.  A car chase.  Any kind of altercation, can end in tragedy.

Is it the cop’s fault?  Unless you can put yourself into his shoes, at that exact moment, you will never know.  Hesitate, and it might be your last moment on earth.  You face life and death every day.  That’s why they go through extensive training.

Yes, there are cases of abuse from cops.  It is caught on the dash cams frequently enough.  Not every cop is posing for holy pictures.  But who knows what that cop has seen, what he has been through.  That’s why I say, don’t give anyone reason to harm you.  Don’t talk back, keep your mouth shut, let it get sorted out.

Every white cop that shoots a black kid is going to be under scrutiny.  Unfortunately, many cops are white, and in many criminals areas, the perps/criminals/unsubs/ are black.  It’s a fact of life people.

Truthfully, I have no idea why anybody would want to be a cop anymore, especially in racially tense areas.  Sometimes, no matter they do, it is wrong.  If they shoot someone, they are wrong.  If they don’t and they get shot, they are dead.  So tell me the truth right now….would YOU want to be a cop in Ferguson right now?  Or any myriad of cities around the country?

Policeman, firemen, soldiers.  All put their lives on the line, for their city, for their state, for their country.  They have very dangerous occupations.  They are there to help make our lives safer.

When you have to send in police wearing military gear to quell riots, you are putting everyone at risk.  Violence begets violence.  The cycle has to be broken.  I don’t know how.  I don’t have the answers.  But I do know that the way to respect a dead child is NOT to loot stores and come home with new electronics, and then burn your neighborhood down!  Many of the stores were owned by local black people who worked all their lives to have something of their own, and now it is gone.

Everybody has an opinion.  Everybody is entitled to one.  But sort the facts out first.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Examine your own motives.  Search your own soul.  If we all did that, maybe another Ferguson won’t happen.


Give me a Gun


Will somebody please explain to me why needing a background check to buy a gun is a bad thing????? I don’t buy all this shit I see posted on my timeline. My timeline on Facebook is littered with pictures and slogans about Second Amendment Rights and having guns. Lots of guns. The Second Amendment is not all about “the right to bear arms.” Read it. In its entirety. If you can.

A gun is a lethal weapon. So is a car, in the wrong hands. Now please, before you get all up in my face about how guns don’t kill people, people kill people, you will notice that I did NOT add “in the wrong hands” after “a gun is a lethal weapon. Why? Cause good people kill with guns all the time. Cops. Soldiers. Hunters.

You need a license to drive a car. You need a background check on most anything. Why not on guns? Because all the bad guys will have them anyway?

I have a FOID card. I am planning on getting a gun, for target shooting and self-protection. Having said that, I hope to God I will never need to use it to kill another living creature. And NO, I am not against guns. And NO, I am not a vegetarian. Although I really can’t watch Animal Planet anymore, or stories about inhumane treatment of our food sources. And YES, I am a hypocrite about that issue. But I digress.

Let me tell you a true story about what happened to me regarding guns. Shortly after the Dark Knight theatre shootings in Aurora CO, I went to a matinee to see the same movie. It was an early afternoon show, but I was still nervous. I kept telling myself that the bad guys were sleeping in, they only came out at night.

As I pulled into a parking space in a mostly empty lot, I looked over at a guy who opened his trunk a few spaces down from me on the left. As I was unlocking my seat belt, I couldn’t help but notice that he picked up a huge handgun and stuck it in his belt. He turned his head and saw me looking at him, but then he continued rummaging around in his trunk, in a big black box full of ammo and guns. I could see down because I was sitting in my SUV. He was a big man. A big BLACK man. My hand slowly stopped with the seat belt, and my right hand shifted my car from park back into drive, without moving my arm. I was watching the man out of the corner of my eye as I slowly put my foot on the gas, trying to ease out of the parking space without calling attention to myself. I was acting on pure instinct, my fight or flight responses tingling in my body. I was ready to punch the gas and squeal out, weaving all the way to avoid bullets, if necessary.

The man immediately ran over to my window, while pulling something out of his pocket. Just as I was about to punch the gas, he said “Ma’am, I am a police officer, please don’t be scared! This is my badge!” I rolled down my window a crack and said “You can buy a police badge on the internet for like twenty bucks.” He started to laugh at that, and “no, really, I’m a cop, here’s my detective ID, look, here’s my bulletproof vest, you can call the number on my ID and ask about me”. I decided that maybe he was ok, so I got out of my truck. He had walked back to his car and turned on the lights to show me. I asked him why he had his gun on, and he said he really couldn’t say. He gave me card, and we walked towards the entrance together, talking. The whole time though I was thinking to myself, if he is going to The Dark Knight, I’m turning and running. He held the door open to the entrance for me, and then nodded to the ticket girl and walked on through. I drew a big sigh of relief and figured he was undercover because of the shootings. When I went inside, the ticket taker was searching purses etc. I actually was glad for the additional security, but I was still nervous. In the theatre, I kept looking around, to see if I could see the guy. No sign of him, but I really didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I could have if that hadn’t happened. I mean, I live in the boonies, and there’s a detective running around the theatre somewhere, in a bulletproof vest with a big gun on his hip, and many more in his car.

On the way home, I was thinking about the cop. Did I profile him as a shooter, because he was big and black? Maybe a little. Made me feel sort of ashamed, but then again, I would have felt the same way about the guy whether he was black, white or green. Afraid. I would have felt afraid. If I had a gun, would I feel less afraid? Would I be able to use it if necessary? I think if it came down to saving a life, I would use it.

So, I understand everybody wants their guns. What I don’t understand is WHY they want so many guns, especially assault weapons etc., and WHY they don’t want background checks. What do they have to hide? If they want guns and have nothing to hide, what’s the big deal?

Really, I think we would all be better off with hatchets anyway, or fireplace pokers, to kill all the zombies when they invade…..