Love and Hate….it’s a fine line


Where do you draw that line?  How do you go from madly in love to I never want to see your face again?  Did you really ever love each other?  Do you really now hate each other?  Did you really TRY to see the difference?

When you say vows, when you bond FOR LIFE, and then someone RIPS or TEARS that bond apart, part of your heart gets ripped away with it.  There is no clean break.  You each take pieces of each other with you, whether you want to or not.

Vows. Before God. For Life. I honestly think that people do not really care about all that anymore.  The divorce rate is unbelievably high.  It is used as a quick fix, instead of a well thought out and rationally discussed option.

It makes me really sad, especially for myself.  It makes me feel like a failure in God’s eyes, even though it was not my idea, and I fought tooth and nail to stop it.  I fought so hard I almost died doing it.

I have written several other blogs about my ex, so I won’t bore you with the details again.  I just wish that people could go back in time, and gently and respectfully disengage.  The whole process of breaking up is so traumatic, to both our hearts and our minds.  It shouldn’t be this way.  Unfortunately, I don’t think we can change it.  When it comes to our emotions, cooler heads do NOT prevail.

Shame, really.  I love you, I hate you.  So close, yet so far.

I pretended nothing was wrong.  Until that day.  The day we went from saying I love you in the morning, to catching him in the arms of another woman that night.  And just like that, he was gone.  He never spoke to me again except for a few words to say 1) he was never EVER coming back, and 2) to lie at court 6 weeks later that we had been separated for a period of 6 months or more.  Even though deep down I knew it was for the best, it was the disrespect and the lack of closure that left me reeling.

I was left feeling dirty and guilty ashamed for the disintegration of my marriage.  He left on another woman’s arm.

In addition to the abysmal divorce statistics, there are now more single women than married women in the U.S.  Huh.  Go figure.