30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 2

Day 2.  Something you love about yourself

Hmmmm.  This one is harder than the hate one, lol.  I think it’s easier to see our flaws, than see our shining selves.  Ok.  Got it.

I love that I am outgoing.  I try to be a friendly person, and to engage in conversation with most everybody I meet.  You know, just be sociable!

I think I learned this about myself in college.  I joined a sorority, was a fraternity little sister.  I had a whole houseful of best friends!  I was appointed social chairman, and as such planned our parties/soirees.  It was great fun, and I really came into my own.  I loved it, so very much!

After college I worked for a big company, and made lots and lots of friends.  Lifelong friends, many of whom I still see on a regular basis.  We still have tons of fun!

I love my “senior” friends at the YMCA, where I go swimming most mornings.  I plan the parties for them, cause, well, I can.  I love my seniors, they are mothers to me, since I am an orphan (as many of us my age are).

I have neighborhood friends, and friends at my local watering hole/dining establishment.  Always a friendly face to be found there!

I live right by my family.  Usually a good thing, sometimes not.  But I am a lucky aunt to be so close to so many nieces/nephews/great nieces/great nephews!  I love them all so much, they are all incredible youngsters that will grow up to be amazing adults!  Hopefully they will remember me as the “fun” aunt, who took the time to play with them, color with them, go to movies with them, swim with them.

I like talking to people.  Everybody has a story.  Even the greeters at the Wal-mart.  I always take the time to chat with them.  I know all their names, and they know my name.  It is nice to be recognized, lol.

It doesn’t require that much effort to just be NICE.  Sometimes I wonder how in the world we learned to be so mean, especially to our loved ones.  I imagine the devil sitting on my shoulder rubbing his hands with glee every time something mean is uttered, either by me or someone else.  I am definitely still a work in progress, but I am trying hard to be a NICE outgoing person.

That old adage, smile and the world smiles with you is so true.  If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t receive anything in return.  So smile, say hello, be outgoing!

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How do you say goodbye?

grave

Deep breath.  Another deep breath.

It has happened again, on the heels of another recent deep loss.  One of my dearest friends is gone.  My friend who has always been there for me.  And now he is gone.  We didn’t even have time to say goodbye.  Things like this are never planned.

I am SO grateful that I saw him a week ago Friday.  I am SO grateful that I got to hug him and tell him I loved him, like I did every time I saw him.

I feel like I knew him forever.  I kind of did.  I knew him my whole adult life.  We met at work, we made life long mutual friends.  That was THIRTY YEARS ago.

We did have periods where we lost touch here and there for a few years.  But we always stayed connected and picked up right where we left off.  I remember him coming to visit and go boating with me and my family many times.  My family, neighbors, friends…all loved him.  He was always so friendly, so happy, so funny.

He got me through both my divorces.  He saved my life, literally.  He was always there for me.  He would comfort me and be my friend, when I needed a friend the most.  He helped me, he was just THERE.  Sometimes you just need someone you know you can count on, who will always be there for you.  Jack was that guy.

And probably not for just me.  Jack was the kind of person who would do anything for all his friends.  One phone call was all it took.

I can’t even count the number of friends Jack had.  Life long friends, from school, work, neighbors….heck, everywhere he went, he made a friend.  He always had a story, a joke.  (I think I could recite most of them, word for word!)

Jack married later in life.  His beautiful, sweet, lovely wife remodeled the house, taught him how to love a fur child, cooked gourmet dinners for him and their friends, and added a woman’s touch to his bachelor ways.  But she knew him and loved him enough to know that there no remodeling him, like so many wives try to do, lol.  He still went to all his beloved Notre Dame football games, and she continued with all her passions and hobbies.  I remember being in awe of her when I first met her.  She sailed, and did the Mackinac races!  What an adventurer!  She added class and culture to the mix, lol.  Jack was a beer guy, she was a wine gal.  My heart goes out to her.  She deserved more time with him.  We all did.

I loved Jack.  I loved him with my whole heart and soul.  He was my buddy.  I will have a huge hole in my heart.  But I know I will see him again.  We will have an eternity to catch up.

P.S.  I just had to go back and keep corrected sentences to make them past tense and not present tense.  That makes it so real.  I can’t believe I will never see him again and hear the same old jokes again.  But I am comforted by the fact that he has entered eternal happiness.  Maybe he will even learn some new jokes.

 

Second best?

bachelor

Prince Farming is engaged.  Chris Soules picked Whitney as his bride-to-be.  I have know this since before the show aired, due to spoilers.  However, I think it adds to the drama to see how they edit the women on the show, and if she is a front runner, or comes from behind.  I don’t want every episode, especially if it gets annoying.  But I love the endings, lol.

Whitney definitely came from behind.  The front-runner was always Britt until she self-imploded in Iowa.  Then, the front runner was Becca, after she came clean about being a virgin in the Fantasy Suite.  The forbidden fruit, anyone?

Now I’m not saying that Chris Soules is a man-whore, at least not anymore than some of the other Bachelors.  He definitely was the make-out King tho, and has a certain reputation back in Iowa for being a ladies man.  Put 25 gorgeous women in front of a man, and he is not going to be posing for holy pictures any time soon.  But I do think that Chris was one of the most sincere bachelors, in quite a while, which was refreshing.  I loved it when he was uncomfortable and his eyes would start twitching and he would have to excuse himself.  He was NOT a bull-shitter.

While I think that Chris knew that Whitney was the LOGICAL choice, I think his heart was telling him differently.  I think his heart was really pining hopes on Becca.  I give props to Becca though, for holding her ground.  She wasn’t sure.  Heck, most of the Bachelor engagements don’t last, and she knew that.  So why declare your love and then break up a few months later.  There was no way Becca was ever going to move to Iowa.  So good on you, girl.

And boy, the look on Chris’s face when he saw Becca last night……now I’m no love expert, but he had puppy dog eyes all over her.  He hugged and kissed her multiple times.  He was wearing his heart on his sleeve.  And his lips.  And his hands.  Gotta wonder if Whitney was watching from back stage.  Chris said several times that he was “moving forward”.  Probably because looking back was too painful.

Whitney was the smart player, all season.  No drama, always said the right thing, gushed over Iowa and Chris’s family.  Is she madly in love with Chris?  Probably.  Is she going to move to Iowa any time soon?  Well, she did quit her job as a fertility nurse, and got a new job.  In Chicago.  Hmmm.  Sounds like she wants to take it slow.  Hmmm.  Kinda like Becca said, only SHE said it before the finale.

Whitney apparently decided she was NOT going to watch the show, except for her dates with Chris.  I think she KNEW that she would be VERY jealous of his relationship with other women.  I mean, come on, Chris was doing everything he could to get Becca to say she loved him, so he could pick her.  Obviously people/social media was all over that and like Whitney said last night, she couldn’t avoid hearing about it.  In fact, Chris Harrison ASKED her on live TV how she felt about it, after she said she didn’t want to know!  And then Chris Harrison was actually asking them if they were fitting in lots of time to make love!  Harrison is such a douche.

Don’t get me started with Jimmy Kimmel.  Jimmy always makes his predictions before the season starts.  He picks the top 4 girls.  He ALWAYS gets it right.  How?  He reads the same spoiler that I do, and millions of other fans.  RealitySteve.com  Not that he gives any credit to Steve.  He pretends that he is a good guesser.  Come on.  And the cow named Juan Pablo?  It did give me a laugh.  But talk about cross overs….ABC has got the Bachelor everywhere.  But that’s cool.  It’s all about the money.  Gotta strike while the iron is hot.  Wonder how long Chris will last on Dancing with the Stars.  A few weeks at least, I would think.  We’ll see if Farm Boy’s got rhythm.

So.  Do YOU think Chris got it right?  Who was YOUR favorite?

P.S.  And how bout them two Bachelorettes?  Not a totally new thing.  They did it on the Bachelor with Byron.  Remember?

 

Happy Anniversary my love

Today would have been my 38th wedding anniversary to my first husband.  That’s right I said first.  He should have been my first, and last.

He was my first true love.  I had many firsts with him, the most important being my virginity.  I think that’s how I knew he was the man for me.  I had held out for sooo long, and yet didn’t give it a second thought after I met him.

We got married after only 6 months.  We lived far apart, but both worked in Chicago.  We had lunch together, and walked to the train station together, every day.  We couldn’t bear to be apart.  So we got married.

We were so in love.  How did it go so wrong?  Not going to point fingers, too late for that.  About 30 years too late.  I blame both our jobs, mostly.  Too much time apart.  That’s about all I’ll say about it.  It all still hurts inside and makes me cry, even today.  Especially today.

I have not spoken to him, or seen him, in 30 years.  I know where he lives, but that’s about it.  But I never forget this day.  It was truly one of the happiest days of my life.  So wherever you are, I just want to say…

Happy Anniversary to my first love.

10 years ago in Mosul, I fell in love

UPDATE: I got to thinking about my army pilot and wondered if he was still active and perhaps had some insight into the current Iraq situation. Well he is retired. And running for Congress! (Does that mean I get to say that I’ve slept with a Congressman? lol)

I’m Almost Famous once again.

mosul

That is a helicopter, over the city of Mosul. There is a pilot inside. 10 years ago, we took over the city of Mosul, and filled the Iraq Army camp there with our own USA army guys.

How do I know this? I was there.

It’s true. Thanks to the power of the internet and web cams, I experienced a lot of Mosul (which I never should have) with my Army pilot that I met on Match.com.

Now, when I say “met”, there are different levels of met. I met him online and we made plans to meet. He was stationed with the 101st Airborne in Fort Campbell KY, and lived nearby in Clarksville, TN. He was due for deployment to Afghanistan later in the year.

Right before we were going to meet in person, he got deployed. To Iraq. Basically under cover of darkness. He left, basically incommunicado.

6 months later he reappeared safe and sound in Mosul. He spent the rest of his deployment there, and so did I, via his web cam.

I fell in love with him over that web cam. I felt I knew him inside and out. When he finally got home his first order of business after his debriefing was to drive to my house to meet me. On Valentines Day. It was so damn romantic. As a gift he gave me a glass bottle of sand from Mosul. A few weeks later when I went to visit him in Clarksville, they delivered his foot locker to him at his house. When he opened it, I good a good whiff of Mosul. Sun, sand, sweat. It permeated everything in there.

We dated long distance for about a year, until he chose to go back to Iraq instead of staying home with me.

That’s ok, it was obviously not meant to be. But I am VERY SAD AND MAD that Mosul has fallen back to the Taliban. It was a very expensive city to take over, in terms of American lives/limbs/brains/finances. I heard that the Iraqi army we spent so much time and money on just deserted the place, leaving behind all the equipment etc. Costly mistake, for only 10 years.

E feel like I lost my heart in Mosul, and now the Taliban it to stomp all over. Not a good feeling. We cleaned those fuckers out once. Now I’m sure we’ll have to do it again. Sigh.

Go see Lone Survivor. This will happen again.

This is me

Hey folks, I am one of the authors in What a Woman is Worth #WAWIW and an excerpt from my story was the featured graphic yesterday! Woo Hoo!

Currently I am laid up in a rehab hospital with no hip for 8 weeks, so it’s been hard for me to keep up and promote the book etc. I hope you take the time to go the website and at least check it out.

Thanks so much!

http://tamaralunardo.com/free-what-a-woman-is-worth-graphic-featuring-janet-heath/#comments

Here’s your online hottie!

fatman

For all you online daters out there, here is the man behind the keyboard.

No, seriously.  I think online dating is great, been there done that myself.  However….until you really meet the person, you never know.

I am a pro at picking out the scammers.  There are so many tells.  The picture they stole from a modeling site.  The hair and eye color descriptions that are different from the picture.  The broken English.  Professing to have lost a loved one and therefore will treasure you and they needs your love so bad.  Love just oozing all over the screen.

Also, they never want to meet you.  They just want to adore you from afar, and message back and forth.

Oh, and at some point, they may ask you for money.  These are the foreign ones, that have lost all their money in Nigeria and need help getting home so they can marry you and worship at your altar.

Not all men on these dating sites are like this.  Some are perfectly normal.  Online dating is quite the acceptable way to meet a new partner in life.  I have met some very people online, and dated my share of them.  None of my Mikes though.  Right now I would say I’m pretty much single, and happy about it.  (Did you read my Mikes posts?  Here’s a link  http://wp.me/p1J9S2-sI

Sometimes I still get emails from the old dating sites I was on, most notably Match.com.  Sometimes I wonder how they matched me up with certain people.  Their attributes were certainly not in my search criteria.  But it makes for some fun surfing.  Do men really think that a picture of themselves in front of the bathroom mirror is going to garner them some dates?  And talk about grumpy old men.  Some haven’t’ cracked a smile in years.  And most are wearing flannel shirts or old T-shirts, depending on the season.  For crikey sake, comb your hair, put a decent shirt on, and smile at the damn camera!

Of course you do get the camera happy ones whose pictures are in front of their fancy cars or motorcycles.  This type usually has a lot of gold dripping from their necks and wrists.  It’s all on display, for your viewing pleasure.  I’m sure many women are adding it all up with $ signs in their eyes.

Right before the last Iraq war, I was attracted to a picture of an Army pilot standing in front of his helicopter with his crew. He lived in Tennessee, so I wasn’t planning on anything long distance, but I just wanted to say hello and thank you for protecting our country. That started up a two-year relationship, the first year only online while he was fighting in Iraq. We met when he came back home, on Valentine’s Day. It was very romantic 😉  He is the tall one in the middle 🙂

Dan

(I need to learn how to edit my picture scans, sorry!)
So, you just never know. But ladies, be careful out there, for you will never know what you will get until you met him in flesh and blood! Good luck!

One Mike down……

goodbyeThis week I said goodbye to one of my Mikes.  Grandpa Mike, to be exact.  The old neighbor, lives 5 hours away, Mike.

I don’t think he was too upset.  At least not yet.  He had just gotten home from a couple months in Texas visiting his daughter and granddaughter, and was over at his buddy’s.  When I called him to tell him the good news, I could tell he had been drinking.  Heavily.  He spoke with that careful “try not to slur” speech, and I don’t think he really thought I was serious.  He was kind of condescending to me, and said why we think it over for a little while and we’ll talk later.

That was over a day ago.  I’m not sure if he even remembers that I called him.  But no matter.  I had already decided over the holidays it was time to cut him loose from the herd.  He just didn’t make the cut.

There are a lot of reasons why I made this decision.  None of them make him the bad guy, at all.  I think at one point he was ready to make a life long commitment to me, and I was the one who backed off.  Plus I think he is going to move permanently to Texas.  But, he’s all Duck Dynasty, and I’m just Dynasty.  Period.

So, I’m not sure if he knows it’s OVER, but it’s over and out!

P.S.  Sure there are things I will miss about him….like his Costco membership!  lol

When does it change?

bleeding heartThe grand daddy of Hallmark holidays is right around the corner.  Valentine’s Day.  So many people will be happy, get engaged, get married.  So many people will swear their vows in front of God and man to stay in love forever.

So when does it change?  Does it always change?  Does it have to change?

It usually does change.  Sometimes for the better.  Statistically for the worse.  The blush wears off the rose after a while.  Those little things that were so cute about your partner now just bug the hell out of you.  You start being nicer to strangers than them.  The grass looks so much greener on the other side.

I remember one young couple I talked to shortly after my first divorce.  They were SOOOO in love.  They were NEVER going to say a nasty thing to each other.  Nothing would ever come between them.  They weren’t going to become a statistic.  They couldn’t imagine life without each other.  I sarcastically said “Yeah, good luck with that, come talk to me in 10 years”.  Well, ten years later, they were separated and living apart, after a gaggle of kids came along and blew apart their perfect little world.  No more sleeping in till noon every weekend.  No more staying up late cuddling on the couch.  No more vacations.  No more money.  Their lives changed around them, and it wasn’t what they expected.  I felt so guilty about saying that, or thinking that, ten years prior.  Sometimes having stars in your eyes are a GOOD thing, and hopefully nobody will erase those stars over the years!

Sometimes, I wish people could just experience what it is REALLY like on the other side, just so they learn to appreciate what they DO have.  It is too easy to just walk away, it seems.

I do have a lot of friends who have made it long term, and are still in a loving relationship.  I take my hat off to them, because it is hard work to raise a family, have a career, and still have date nights.  I wonder what makes them different from the ones who don’t make it.

Liquor, I bet. Ha!

So this Valentine’s Day, make someone’s day special, and MEAN it this time!

She – Door #3

splitThings started to fall apart.  There seemed to be nothing she could do to stop it.  It was like a runaway train.  He was the engine, and she was the caboose.  He engineered her destiny, and she was just along for the ride, praying she wouldn’t become disconnected.

One night, the whole thing derailed.  He admitted to “having affairs”.  She was devastated.  She grew up Catholic, she believed in the vows of marriage that she took.  It was supposed to be until death do we part, not until you find somebody better.  She never had known anyone who had an affair and had stayed married.  But divorce was a dirty word to her.

She cried that night, and for the next three months.  She could not eat, she could not sleep.  She looked like a ghost.  She went to work, and then came home and cried all night.  Her boss at work and all her friends thought she had cancer or something just as bad.  She wished.  You can beat cancer sometimes.  She felt she would never be able to heal her broken heart.

One day she came home from work, to find everything gone.  All of his belongings.  Empty closet.  She dropped to her knees on the floor.  She felt as though someone has just punched her in the stomach and sucked out all her air.  She lost it for a few days, totally non-functioning.

Was any of this her fault?  Of course it was.  Instead of focusing on her job and her friends, she should have focused on her husband, even though he traveled a lot.  She should have made his time at home more welcoming.  She should have quit her damn job, or made more romantic gestures.  But she didn’t.  She didn’t know the clock had been ticking its final countdown.

Door #2 had been slammed shut.  Door #3 read DIVORCE.  She was pushed through that door, kicking and screaming the whole way.