Dear Mr. Match.com Dad……. REDUX

Another re-post, as I’m still getting those “Please come back to Match.com emails”.  But why should I?

Once a man reaches a certain age, I think it normal for most people to assume that you have an offspring or two tucked away somewhere.  Most people will also assume that your children are the lights of your life, as it should be.  These men may be widowed or divorced, and may be very involved in their children’s lives, as it also should be.  But if you are fiftysomething, hopefully they are not toddlers, lol.  Usually they are teenagers or older.

So why do you feel it is necessary to court women on a dating site with a name like “SashasDad” or “FatherofTen”?  Is it to let a potential date know immediately that you are just a dad looking for another mother?  I see so many profiles that start off with…..”Father of ten wonderful children, some still live at home, the others are off at a very expensive college, so I figured I could use a second income and some maid/chauffeur/cook services again, so I figured I’d give this online dating a shot.  My friends all tell me that I am still a real catch, even though I list brown hair on my profile and my pictures all show all white, or no hair.  Oh, and I know my profile says I’m in toned and athletic, so just overlook that beer belly, my New Year’s Resolution is to get back in shape (cue music:  Girl look at that body…I’m sexy and I know it).  Also I hope you love the pictures of me with my ex cut out, or leaning on my Vette or sitting on my Harley, or snuggling with my teacup poodle”  Wow.  I’m definitely winking at that guy!

Now before all you guys out there get your underpants in a bunch, I know that women lie too.  Everybody lies on Match.com.  If you don’t need to lie, then you probably have no reason to be on Match.com.  In my own travels over the years on dating sites, I have determined that most men who are divorced or never married are that way for a reason.  Everyone has a fatal flaw.  But when they get into the double digits……just sayin’.  I’ll stay single.  I’ve very happy being single.  My pets give me unconditional love, and don’t cheat, drink, belch, fart, swear, talk back, snore, etc.  Men have their uses and purpose in life, and there are a lot of VERY GOOD men out there (Hey SD!) and they are excluded from my generalizations here.  So for me, a friend with benefits is all I need, unless I run across someone who sweeps me off my feet, which will NOT be as easy task!

Let’s see, where was I……ok all you men out there looking for a hot date, come up with a better profile name for yourself that makes a woman want to actually click on you!

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My Mr. Big

Carrie had her Big.  I’ve got better.  I’ve got the Messiah.  He died and rose again.   So for future reference, my old/new match.com guy shall be dubbed Messiah.

It remains to be seen if he really is my heart’s salvation.  Stay tuned…..

Old Connection – New Adventure?

Last Saturday night I was doing my taxes (I know, lame right?!) and out of the blue an old Match.com flame popped up my yahoo messenger.  I probably haven’t talked to him in 2 or 3 years.  We ended up on the phone for almost an hour, reliving old times.  We both agreed we should get together again for a date.  But then later I thought, wait a minute, why did we quit dating in the first place??

Time.  Distance.  That’s a problem when you date online, lol.  The dates don’t necessarily even live in the same city.  Or state, for that matter.  Luckily, this particular date did live in the same state, but a good hour away, even in good traffic.  AND worked 7 days a week.  Sooooooo doesn’t make for very many impromtu dates, or dates at all for that matter!

The dates we had were good.  Phone conversations were usually interrupted with his work calls (One negative of being a small business owner!).  But pretty soon they petered out.  Not his fault.  Not my fault.  Haven’t even thought about him in several years.

What now?  Not sure.  We have been texting back and forth the past few days.  We will probably go on another date.  It will be nice to hug and kiss someone besides a dog or a cat.  I already know he is NOT my “One Day” kiss (see previous blog), but I don’t recall it being too bad either, lol.  (He told me I am a GREAT kisser, but I already knew that, as I have my Master’s in kissing!)   I am willing to give it another go.

One attribute he has that puts him above the rest immediately is that he has blonde hair and blue eyes.  Both my exes had brown hair and brown eyes.  And were both Leos.  One day apart.  Yikes.  No more Leos for me.

I’m not all giddy and excited about this.  Which is actually a good thing.  Giddy and excited gets you nothing but a big let down sometimes.  I’m not madly in love, or even like with this guy.  Maybe some day.  Maybe never.  Not going to worry about it until it plays out, one way or another.

But I’m not a quitter.  Got a second chance at the brass ring, and I’m gonna go for it.

You are my match? Seriously?

Lately I’ve been making some changes in my life.  My birthday is coming up soon, and I realized that I’m not getting any younger, and that my glory days are disappearing fast in the rear view mirror of life. 

So I thought I’d give Match.com another go.  I had very good luck with Match in the past, and went out on a lot of really great dates, and even had a long distance relationship that lasted a year and a half, if you count the time he was in Iraq.  After he decided he’d rather go BACK to Iraq than retire and stay at home with me, I figured my luck had run out.  No more Army pilots for me!  He was married to the army, and LOVED the excitement of war.  How could I compete with that?

A few years have passed, and I haven’t found the pickings very good in or around my home town.  Most men are either married, or single for a reason.  A good reason.  Ones that I am NOT going to deal with again.  Been there, done that, barely lived to tell the tale.  Hence, I rejoined Match.

Funny thing is, I recognize a lot of the same people.  Either they are still looking (bad sign), or are lazy and never took down their profiles (like me) and get the weekly emails and quickly scroll through the pictures to see if one pops, that would make it worth their while to PAY for the pursuit of happiness.

After perusing the site for a while, I started by sending out a few winks.  Then I figured those are pretty useless, especially if the guy isn’t a member.  At least if I email them, I can see if they ever opened the email, and were indeed a member.  See, that’s how they get you.  You get notification that you have an email, but you don’t know from who, so you have to pay up first.  Many don’t bother until the emails start racking up.  But whatever, I digress.

So out went the witty and charming emails.  Bingo!  TWO guys actually responded right away!  But immediately a red flag went up.  They wanted to email outside of match, on yahoo.  Usually that is not a good sign.  Usually that means they are scammers.  But, I thought I’d see for sure.  I used my cat’s email address (yes, I did!) and sent them an email.  Oh, the ones I got back were sooooooo unbelievable complimentary!  How beautiful, smart, charming, and loving I am.  How they will dedicate their lives to make me happy.  Blah blah blah.  Again, been there, done that.  Scammers indeed.  Next email they will tell you they are “working” out of the country and need to have money wired to them to get home.  Needless to say, I was bummed.  They seemed so real.  These particular scammers were good.  Profiles were filled out in detail, with multiple pics and everything.  Sigh.

BUT…….then I got an email from a guy that I hadn’t contacted first.  He chose me!  He didn’t ask me to yahoo him!  SCORE!  So I chatted with him online for a time, and then he gave me his phone number.  I called him with my number blocked, and we talked and talked, for a few days.  Just when I thought I was going to get lucky (not that way), BANG! the bubble was burst.  This normal, sane, reasonably attractive man, was basically looking for a Dominatrix.  He wanted me to “control” him, and he would do anything I asked of him.  He got off on being dominated.  I am NOT Rhianna……chains and whips DON’T excite me!  As soon as he started talking about different “scenarios” that he fantasizes about, I wished him a good life and hung up.    Another disappointment.  Sheesh.

I’m obviously looking for love in all the wrong places.  What are the right places?  It’s going to happen when I least expect it, right?  Then why are so many people on dating sites?

I wonder if Match will give me a refund.  I’m just going to wait for Mr. Right to knock on my front door.  I think I have a better chance of that happening than finding one online.

Pick me….choose me….love me

Sounds pretty desperate, huh?  Some years back after my divorce I joined Match.com, thinking I might find my perfect mate there, as my hometown didn’t have much to offer.  The men were either married and unhappy and looking for a little something on the side, or single for a good reason.

At first I was really having some good luck.  There were actual men out there that were handsome and fun and I had a good time.  I met an army pilot who lived in Tennessee and had a long distance relationship with him for about a year.  But alas, he chose to go back to Iraq rather than retire and be with me.  After that, I mostly gave up on dating at all, and let my subscription lapse.

Then I decided to give it another go.  I wrote this long story about my perfect man for my profile.  It went something like this:

“A stranger walks into the room.  I feel his gaze upon me as the hairs on the back of my neck begin to tingle.  I turn around and there he is, tall, dark, handsome, with piercing blue eyes and dark wavy hair.  We are magnetically attracted to each other, and seem to glide across the room to each other.  He touches my hand, and I am fascinated by the crisp black hairs standing out from his white cuffs.  When I finally raise my eyes to his, I am mesmerized.  His crisp, clean cologne and pheromones make my nostrils inhale the scent of him. Without a word he pulls me closer, and the rest of the world melts away, as I sway in his arms.  I am his, and he is mine.”

I didn’t have much luck with that on my profile.  Maybe too much to live up to?  Not sure, so I took it off and replaced it with the usual mundane likes and dislikes.  However, I am too picky, too choosy.  I would rather be alone than settle for something less.  I feel I have a lot to offer, if someone chose to get to know me.  However, every man’s fantasy is NOT me, I am not a tall skinny blonde.  Men in their fifties are looking for someone in their 30’s.  And I refuse to date someone in their 60’s or 70’s.  Men die sooner than women, and I am NOT looking to be left behind again.  And what is it with all the men out their who are in their fifties and never been married???  That is an immediate red flag to me.  Everyone has their fatal flaw, but obvious lack of committment just won’t do for me.

I’m not really looking to get married again (unless they have a great retirement plan and health insurance!  Just kidding…..or am I?).  I am perfectly happy living the single life.  But I do miss having a best friend to do things with, and snuggle with at night.  Now that both my dogs are gone, I do have Simon the Siamese Scaredy Cat, but he is a nocturnal roamer and doesn’t stay put in the bed too long.

I guess I’ll just stay status quo for now.  If my Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor shows up, I hope I’ll recognize him!