Knock Knock Knocking on my Door

Sometimes a knock at the door is a good thing.  Someone has come to visit!  Or it is the groceries!  Or a neighbor bringing tomatoes!

Sometimes a knock at the door is a scary thing.  Yesterday was Halloween. I didn’t have any trick or treaters last night, but I got home late after my infusion, and haven’t had any kids stop by in years. I had just gotten home and was in my bedroom changing when I heard this very loud and sharp rapping on my front door. My heart stuttered, and I gasped out loud, because the sound was so intrusive, especially to someone who lives alone.  My cats scattered, and I quickly locked myself in my bedroom and got my gun out of my safe, and stayed there shaking for like a half hour, because I was afraid to come out! I was thinking that little kids can’t knock that loud, maybe it was an adult with them, I sure hope it was a neighbor trick or treating!  We don’t have many kids in the neighborhood, and a lot of summer houses too, so I don’t even buy candy anymore.  My bedroom looked out at the back of my house, not the front, so I couldn’t look and see if anyone was there.

I do have a legit reason for being scared, but I thought the reason was no longer one to worry about.  I think the attack in NY yesterday made it come to the forefront again for me.

Because that is what it is all about.  I cannot go into details, but let’s just say that lone wolf terrorists that have been radicalized here are something I need to worry about.  And it happens more frequently, it seems.  Around the world, not just here, in the USA.

It really got me to thinking.  I am scared, yes.  But dammit, I am angry.  Angry that people like that even exist.  Angry that people die, and will continue die.  Angry that I have to make lifestyle changes.  Angry that I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with my heart thumping so loud, straining to hear the tiniest sound.  Was that a knock I heard?  A footstep?  Why did the cats wake up?  What are they hearing?

I have a gun. I only got it because the FBI told me to. (Again, I can’t go into details).  However, it only gives me a false sense of security.  I keep it locked up in a safe.  Most likely if someone broke into my house and wanted to kill me I would never have a chance to even get it.  That’s fine with me.  I don’t know if I could pull the trigger and kill someone anyway.  It’s a huge thing to do.  But I digress.

Over the winter something similar happened.  One night, very late, I was awakened by rapping on my door, very loud, insistently.  Never stopped.  Just kept knocking.  It took me a minute to get my bearings and get up out of my bed because of my bad back.  I stumbled down the hallway, eyes slit, and peeked around the corner to look at the front door.  There were flashing lights and spotlights shining everywhere.  I could not see who was knocking because of it.  But I could tell they were using a flashlight, or bat to knock.  I called out, “Who is it?”  They responded with “Police, open up immediately!”  I replied, “Why are you here, what do you want?”  They said they needed to talk to me and to open the door or they would break it down.  I was so scared.  Was it really the police?  I thought about going back to the bedroom to get my gun, but figured they would just shoot me if they saw a gun.  So I went down the stairs and opened the door.  They shone their big flashlights in my face, blinding me.  They asked me whose car was in my driveway.  I was confused at first, because I always park in the garage.  Then I remembered, I had told my neighbor that his friend who was living with them could park there.  So I told them that.  They asked me the name of the owner of the car.  I did not know.  By this time, I was shaking from fear and the cold, and crying.  They got a call on their radio then, and literally turned around and walked away without another word.

Now I was angry. My fight or flight adrenaline had now changed to fight. How dare they scare the shit out of an innocent citizen with no explanation or “sorry to wake you in the middle of the night”.  I am a single woman, living alone.  I slammed the front door shut, locked up, and then went upstairs to look out my big bay window.  There were squad cars at the house kitty corner from me, and police walking around yards etc.

I knew the grand kid of that homeowner was always in trouble.  In fact, at the time, I thought he was in jail, as per usual.  He was always getting caught doing something wrong. So I figured he was in trouble, again.

The next morning when I went out to go to work, the kid was outside, talking to some policeman or detective.  I glared at them, and the kid hollered over, “Sorry for the disturbance last night, I woke up last night to find somebody trying to steal my guns, can you believe that?”  I said, unbelievable, and then said to the policeman, I was very scared and upset last night, and the officers that were pounding on my door were very rude.  I have reasons that the Lake County Sheriff’s office is well aware of for being scared.  Obviously that was overlooked last night.

The policeman then apologized.   I went to work.  When I got home, I didn’t see the kid anymore.  In fact, I haven’t seen him in awhile.  I’m sure he stole those guns or something like that.  I hope he doesn’t come back.  And let me just say that typically the police/sheriffs/detectives/agents that I have had dealings with are the BEST.  So grateful to ALL our first responders.

Luckily the rest of my neighborhood is wonderful.  The people that live around me always look out for me.  They are very good to me.

Just don’t go knock knock knocking at my door!



Oh Joe. We hardly knew ya. But the hits just keep on coming.


This is an update to my original post done on Wednesday, when the news of Joe’s suicide first broke.  Many people, including myself, were incredulous, and didn’t want to believe the worst.  We held out hope that it really was a setup, a cover up.  Now, I’m not so sure.  More and more information is pouring out of this investigation.

His wife and son are now implicated and under criminal investigation.

Wait, what?  His loving, grieving wife and son?

Joe was put on probation for 30 days some years ago for alleged sexual harassment of an officer. Turns out she was his mistress.

Wait, what?  A mistress?

He wouldn’t leave his wife for her, so he arranged something else.  His son may now go under military investigation for a sham marriage with Joe’s mistress in order to get better benefits.

Wait, what?  A sham marriage?

Joe’s desk contained packets of cocaine.  It is speculated he was going to plant it on the Administrator.  A text message also said he hoped she got a DUI.  He supposedly also tried to arrange a hit on her with a gang member.

Wait, what?  A hit?

There were reports that his wife was taken to court twice in regards to unpaid credit card bills.  There were pictures of his wife with him in Hawaii on a very expensive vacation.

Wait, what?  Money troubles?

There is a lot more out there, more and more keeps getting reported.  I am not sure what is absolutely 100% the truth.  I hope many of these allegations are not true.  But it seems that the tasks force had all their ducks in a row before reporting their findings.  The evidence is overwhelming.

This reminds me so much of the Bill Cosby issue.  When women first started reporting the sexual abuse, there were MANY non-believers.  More and more women have come forth.  More and more evidence has come to light.  Is he guilty?  Well, I always say, “If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it’s a duck”   I just have a gut feeling he is guilty.

Same here, in this situation.  I did not personally know Joe.  But I was caught up in the love and adulation when he was first killed.  He “appeared” to be everything people wanted him to be.  A true hero, gunned down in the line of duty.  A grieving wife and children.  A whole county, state, heck a whole country giving him a final farewell worthy of a king.  I have never seen such a funeral.  It happened at a time when the whole country felt the police were under attack.  So many factors were in place for the country to let all their emotions be expressed for G.I. Joe.  He ended up being the recipient of all that.  We all came together in solidarity.  I haven’t seen anything like it since 911.

There were many beautiful stories posted Wednesday about just showing love to the family, never mind all the negativity, think positive etc.  They were very heart warming, and I kind of felt guilty for thinking maybe he WAS guilty.   I personally think that maybe he did a few things, and then it just snowballed, and he and whoever was involved just couldn’t stop it.  One lie leads to another, and another.  It’s hard to keep something like this under control.  I think maybe Joe did a lot of good things in his life, but this will overshadow it all.  I think Joe loved all the adulation he got from being a cop, a vet, G.I.Joe.  He loved the power that came with it all.  He looked like a military hard ass, who had a heart of gold, and loved his wife and family.

But here’s the kicker.  If his wife and son stood up there the whole time, accepting all the well wishes, the grief of so many, the fear of so many thinking killers were on the loose, the dedication of hundreds of police officers searching to the point of exhaustion and dehydration in the hot sun….if they were indeed guilty….then shame on them.  All the benefits, poker runs, funds given to them to help them with the loss of their husband/father…how could they take it?  How could they let this sham continue?

Shame on them.  Shame on him.  He took the easy way out.  He left his family behind to pick up the pieces.  To be disgraced.  To possibly go to jail.  This paints the whole extended family with the broad brush of a scandal.  Many innocent people will suffer because of this.

I HOPE, I PRAY, that much of this is not true.  My gut feeling says it is. (The old duck theory).  Many people out there will continue not to believe the worst.  Many people who knew them personally say this could never have happened.  I hope they are right.  But if they are, that means that so many levels of law enforcement, from Fox Lake on up, are totally corrupt.  It’s possible.  Maybe Joe was a scapegoat.  Maybe Joe was killed to cover up their own misdeeds.  Maybe, maybe.  Conspiracy theories abound.  I hope there are a lot of guilty people out there shitting in their pants, waiting for the other shoe to drop, whether they are law enforcement or not.  Cause this is no longer just about Joe.  There are more people involved.  This may just be the tip of the iceberg.


Here is my original post….

This is Lt. Joe Gliniewicz.  G.I. Joe.  When he died, the world around Fox Lake, Il came to a halt.  There was a massive manhunt.  An honor funeral, for a man who was a vet, a long time police officer, a loving husband and father.  His funeral was unlike anything I had every seen.  The procession lasted for miles, and many hours.  It was filled with police officers from every state.  It was a hero’s tribute.  People stood in line for hours in a hot gym.  They lined the streets for hours on end in the hot sun.  The community came together like nothing I have ever seen.  We were national news.  Blue lives matter.  Joe quickly became the poster boy for recent police shootings.

Joe2The investigation continued.  Information was not forthcoming.  Press conferences told us very little.  Something fishy was surely going on.  Speculation was running rampant.  Many theories, including my own, pointed back to the Fox Lake Police Chief investigation.  Many people though he was set up.  It certainly seemed plausible.

Time ticked on, with nothing new.  His wife went on TV and swore he would never commit suicide.  His son did too.  They seemed like the perfect family.

But.  Always a but.  So many clichés I could use.  But today, our vision of G.I. Joe was shattered.  The evidence is overwhelming.  The worst scenario did indeed happen.

G. I. Joe went from Hero to Zero.

Apparently Lt. Joe committed suicide.  Lt. Joe stole money from his own Explorer’s program.  Lt. Joe was on Adult websites.  Lt. Joe was basically a dirty cop, and the net was tightening around him.  He planned an elaborate homicide scheme to throw them off the trail.  To save his family from the suicide stigma, that will forever now be attached to his name  To save his pension benefits for his wife.  The wife that stated on national TV that her husband would have never committed suicide.  Did she know about the money?   I don’t know.  I hope not.

I believe that Joe was human  .I believe that Joe tried to save his family.  I believe that Joe might have only done this because the noose was tightening and he didn’t to go to jail and shame his family.

Joe was a good cop.  Even though his suicide was “carefully staged”, I think Joe panicked and ran out of time.  Joe would have known that deleted emails and text messages mean nothing.  Joe would have known that any deep investigation into his death would have brought up all the dirt.  Joe was probably hoping for a quick homicide verdict on his death, and that would be it.

Nope.  No, Joe.  Too many other people involved.  Too many good cops/investigators left.  Too many clues left.  We all leave behind a huge digital footprint, which can be traced and analyzed.

I’m sorry Joe.  I’m really sorry.  I’m really sorry for your family.  I’m sorry that they will have this stigma, these labels, attached to the family name forever.  Your acts will forever define your family.

I hope and pray that all these investigators are wrong.  I hope and pray that all this evidence against you was a set up.  I hope and pray that ALL these thoughts and prayers surrounding your death for months now weren’t all for naught.  I hope and pray your family didn’t know.  I hope and pray they can move on.  I hope and pray for your soul.

That’s about all anybody can do.

Give me a Gun


Will somebody please explain to me why needing a background check to buy a gun is a bad thing????? I don’t buy all this shit I see posted on my timeline. My timeline on Facebook is littered with pictures and slogans about Second Amendment Rights and having guns. Lots of guns. The Second Amendment is not all about “the right to bear arms.” Read it. In its entirety. If you can.

A gun is a lethal weapon. So is a car, in the wrong hands. Now please, before you get all up in my face about how guns don’t kill people, people kill people, you will notice that I did NOT add “in the wrong hands” after “a gun is a lethal weapon. Why? Cause good people kill with guns all the time. Cops. Soldiers. Hunters.

You need a license to drive a car. You need a background check on most anything. Why not on guns? Because all the bad guys will have them anyway?

I have a FOID card. I am planning on getting a gun, for target shooting and self-protection. Having said that, I hope to God I will never need to use it to kill another living creature. And NO, I am not against guns. And NO, I am not a vegetarian. Although I really can’t watch Animal Planet anymore, or stories about inhumane treatment of our food sources. And YES, I am a hypocrite about that issue. But I digress.

Let me tell you a true story about what happened to me regarding guns. Shortly after the Dark Knight theatre shootings in Aurora CO, I went to a matinee to see the same movie. It was an early afternoon show, but I was still nervous. I kept telling myself that the bad guys were sleeping in, they only came out at night.

As I pulled into a parking space in a mostly empty lot, I looked over at a guy who opened his trunk a few spaces down from me on the left. As I was unlocking my seat belt, I couldn’t help but notice that he picked up a huge handgun and stuck it in his belt. He turned his head and saw me looking at him, but then he continued rummaging around in his trunk, in a big black box full of ammo and guns. I could see down because I was sitting in my SUV. He was a big man. A big BLACK man. My hand slowly stopped with the seat belt, and my right hand shifted my car from park back into drive, without moving my arm. I was watching the man out of the corner of my eye as I slowly put my foot on the gas, trying to ease out of the parking space without calling attention to myself. I was acting on pure instinct, my fight or flight responses tingling in my body. I was ready to punch the gas and squeal out, weaving all the way to avoid bullets, if necessary.

The man immediately ran over to my window, while pulling something out of his pocket. Just as I was about to punch the gas, he said “Ma’am, I am a police officer, please don’t be scared! This is my badge!” I rolled down my window a crack and said “You can buy a police badge on the internet for like twenty bucks.” He started to laugh at that, and “no, really, I’m a cop, here’s my detective ID, look, here’s my bulletproof vest, you can call the number on my ID and ask about me”. I decided that maybe he was ok, so I got out of my truck. He had walked back to his car and turned on the lights to show me. I asked him why he had his gun on, and he said he really couldn’t say. He gave me card, and we walked towards the entrance together, talking. The whole time though I was thinking to myself, if he is going to The Dark Knight, I’m turning and running. He held the door open to the entrance for me, and then nodded to the ticket girl and walked on through. I drew a big sigh of relief and figured he was undercover because of the shootings. When I went inside, the ticket taker was searching purses etc. I actually was glad for the additional security, but I was still nervous. In the theatre, I kept looking around, to see if I could see the guy. No sign of him, but I really didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I could have if that hadn’t happened. I mean, I live in the boonies, and there’s a detective running around the theatre somewhere, in a bulletproof vest with a big gun on his hip, and many more in his car.

On the way home, I was thinking about the cop. Did I profile him as a shooter, because he was big and black? Maybe a little. Made me feel sort of ashamed, but then again, I would have felt the same way about the guy whether he was black, white or green. Afraid. I would have felt afraid. If I had a gun, would I feel less afraid? Would I be able to use it if necessary? I think if it came down to saving a life, I would use it.

So, I understand everybody wants their guns. What I don’t understand is WHY they want so many guns, especially assault weapons etc., and WHY they don’t want background checks. What do they have to hide? If they want guns and have nothing to hide, what’s the big deal?

Really, I think we would all be better off with hatchets anyway, or fireplace pokers, to kill all the zombies when they invade…..