One Mike down……

goodbyeThis week I said goodbye to one of my Mikes.  Grandpa Mike, to be exact.  The old neighbor, lives 5 hours away, Mike.

I don’t think he was too upset.  At least not yet.  He had just gotten home from a couple months in Texas visiting his daughter and granddaughter, and was over at his buddy’s.  When I called him to tell him the good news, I could tell he had been drinking.  Heavily.  He spoke with that careful “try not to slur” speech, and I don’t think he really thought I was serious.  He was kind of condescending to me, and said why we think it over for a little while and we’ll talk later.

That was over a day ago.  I’m not sure if he even remembers that I called him.  But no matter.  I had already decided over the holidays it was time to cut him loose from the herd.  He just didn’t make the cut.

There are a lot of reasons why I made this decision.  None of them make him the bad guy, at all.  I think at one point he was ready to make a life long commitment to me, and I was the one who backed off.  Plus I think he is going to move permanently to Texas.  But, he’s all Duck Dynasty, and I’m just Dynasty.  Period.

So, I’m not sure if he knows it’s OVER, but it’s over and out!

P.S.  Sure there are things I will miss about him….like his Costco membership!  lol

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When does it change?

bleeding heartThe grand daddy of Hallmark holidays is right around the corner.  Valentine’s Day.  So many people will be happy, get engaged, get married.  So many people will swear their vows in front of God and man to stay in love forever.

So when does it change?  Does it always change?  Does it have to change?

It usually does change.  Sometimes for the better.  Statistically for the worse.  The blush wears off the rose after a while.  Those little things that were so cute about your partner now just bug the hell out of you.  You start being nicer to strangers than them.  The grass looks so much greener on the other side.

I remember one young couple I talked to shortly after my first divorce.  They were SOOOO in love.  They were NEVER going to say a nasty thing to each other.  Nothing would ever come between them.  They weren’t going to become a statistic.  They couldn’t imagine life without each other.  I sarcastically said “Yeah, good luck with that, come talk to me in 10 years”.  Well, ten years later, they were separated and living apart, after a gaggle of kids came along and blew apart their perfect little world.  No more sleeping in till noon every weekend.  No more staying up late cuddling on the couch.  No more vacations.  No more money.  Their lives changed around them, and it wasn’t what they expected.  I felt so guilty about saying that, or thinking that, ten years prior.  Sometimes having stars in your eyes are a GOOD thing, and hopefully nobody will erase those stars over the years!

Sometimes, I wish people could just experience what it is REALLY like on the other side, just so they learn to appreciate what they DO have.  It is too easy to just walk away, it seems.

I do have a lot of friends who have made it long term, and are still in a loving relationship.  I take my hat off to them, because it is hard work to raise a family, have a career, and still have date nights.  I wonder what makes them different from the ones who don’t make it.

Liquor, I bet. Ha!

So this Valentine’s Day, make someone’s day special, and MEAN it this time!

Single for the Season

single

I’m not sure if I would classify myself as single or not, but my so-called boyfriend left the week before Christmas to go to Texas and visit his daughter and granddaughter, and won’t be back until after the New Year.

And I’m perfectly ok with that, except for one thing.  We never discussed it.  At all.  I only found out he was going to be gone when we were talking about our monthly get together.  He lives a few hours away, and we usually meet up once a month or so at a casino or hotel.  We were talking about Christmas presents, and I said that since I hadn’t been paid from work for over a month that I didn’t have a lot of cash to spend on gifts.  I jokingly suggested we should skip gift giving to each other, but was really hoping he would protest.  It was a test of sorts.  He is retired, and gets a nice pension and social security, but acts as though he is destitute.  It kinda bothers me, because I’m sure he still has his First Communion money tucked away.  I don’t “get” cheap people.  I am glad he has a nice retirement package.  He actually makes more money now than when he was working.  He basically has no bills, he lives in very small but paid off house.    But he complains about every cent he has to spend.  He will actually drive an extra hour to get to my house because he refuses to pay tolls to the state of Illinois!  But I digress.  Back to the original conversation.

So he said sure, let’s skip the gifts.  In fact let’s just skip our December get together, I have decided to go to Texas for a few weeks.  We’ll just see each other in January.

What was I to say?  No, don’t go spend the holidays with your daughter and granddaughter, even though you just drove there a few weeks ago for Thanksgiving?  With your ex-wife in tow?  And didn’t call or text me for 5 days?  Obviously he FAILED the test.

We basically had our first fight after Thanksgiving.  He leaves with his ex-wife and I don’t hear from him for 5 days.  When he finally got back and texted me, I took my sweet time in responding.  He got the idea pretty quick that I wasn’t pleased.

I actually seriously thought about using that as an excuse to end the relationship.  I have had thoughts about doing it before, because I don’t really love him, as he professes to love me.  I like him, and enjoy his company for the most part, but he is VERY different from me.  In most every way.  Granted, we were next door neighbors for a while a long, long time ago, and both attended Catholic schools, but that’s basically where our similarities end.  He is older, I like younger.  He is sloppy, I am OCD clean.  He is grumpy, I am smiley.  He is cheap, I am frugal (there IS a difference!).  He is a male chauvinist, I am a feminist.  He is a red neck, I am yuppie.  He is a drinker, I am a not.  He is stubborn, I am a facilitator.  He sent me a picture of his son, and his ex-wife was also pictured.  Not like me in ANY way.  In fact, I would be embarrassed to show the photo to people because I wouldn’t want to be lumped into a class of what he considered to be wife material.  And he actually thought that the reason I was mad after Thanksgiving was because of his ex-wife.  Ummm, no.  I’ve seen her picture.  Please.

Now, he does have many good qualities.  He is a gentleman, and generally is very sweet to me, and sends me flowers on special occasions (except this one).

But.  (Isn’t there always a but?)  What good is it to have a boyfriend when you are left alone on major holidays, and New Year’s Eve??????  I mean really.  At least have a conversation about it.  I was going to ask him if he wanted to come visit for Christmas when he dropped the Texas bomb on me.  He has been to my home three times for visits.  I have never been invited to his.  Probably because he knows it is not fit for visitors.  He admits straight out to being lazy and never cleaning his house.  (Ick).

So, I think his actions this time have spoken louder than any words he could have chosen to say, but didn’t.  It’s time to say goodbye.  Or say nothing.  Am I wrong?  Am I a bitch?  Am I too picky?  Sigh.  Trust me, he will have no clue that his actions have led to this.

Just not the right Mike.  None of them are.

That Man

grey man

I want to meet THAT man.  That man who narrows your universe down to just you and him.  Who makes you not care if you interact with another human being ever again.  Just him.  That man. He is enough.  Who is on your mind 24/7.  Who you can’t wait to see.  Who every second apart is pure agony, and every second together is pure delight.  That man.

That man who touches your heart and soul and makes them sing.  That man who eyes are the window to his soul, and yours.  That man who makes the hair on the back of your neck tingle.  And everywhere else too.  That man who makes you feel beautiful.  Every. single. day.  That man who never speaks a mean or harsh word to you.  Ever.  That man who only touches you with love and gentleness.  That man who massages your back without being asked.

That man you have been looking for all your life.  That man who maybe you HAVE already met, but it was not the time or place.  I can think of two that I though were that man, but they turned out to be NOT that man.

I think that man is out there.  I’m not sure where, or if I will ever find him.  So if you happen to find him before me, congrats.  There may be true love out there after all.

I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR! Redux

I am having a good time re-reading my old blogs, so here’s another blast from the past!

I am woman

I am a Woman.  A SINGLE woman.  I can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan.  With my eyes closed.  While texting.  And tweeting.  Simultaneously.

Some people have a problem with that.  They think I’m a big fat loser because I don’t have a man.  Like a woman’s worth is based on having a mate, or at least dating, or living with a man.

Why?  A large percentage of people I know that are married are MISERABLE, in a wide variety of ways.  They lie and cheat on their spouses. (No, don’t ask me about yours!  I’m speaking in generalities!)  When I got divorced, because of my lying cheating spouse, married men came out of the woodwork to “comfort” me now that I was newly single.  In fact they probably would have “comforted” me even while being married, except everyone around me knew how I felt about lying cheating spouses!  And you know that old adage that the wife is the last to know?  It’s true.  My spouse lied and cheated on me throughout the whole marriage.  In addition to a few other fabulous qualities like mental and physical abuse.  He was the perfect example of a brain on alcohol.

After all that, I truly have no desire to go through another experience like that again.  I am not a masochist.  I still do believe in love, and soul mates and all that other crap.  But I am truly careful now.  People around me say I am being too picky and that I will end up alone as the neighborhood cat lady.  Well, let me see…..that’s ok by me.  Que sera sera.  At least I will be the master of my own domain.

Is there another man out for me?  I truly don’t know.  I have a serious aversion to smoking, drinking, belligerence, bullying, meanness, and overall disrespect.  So that really narrows down the playing field.  And I’ve tried the friends with benefits route.  Not for me, thanks.

I can wait.  No hurry.  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, well, I’m still my own woman.  I’m happy being the cat lady for now.  At least I have rescued two little souls who love me unconditionally.

woman

I am WOMAN hear me roar!

I am a Woman.  A SINGLE woman.  I can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan.  With my eyes closed.  While texting.  And tweeting.  Simultaneously.

Some people have a problem with that.  They think I’m a big fat loser because I don’t have a man.  Like a woman’s worth is based on having a mate, or at least dating, or living with a man.

Why?  A large percentage of people I know that are married are MISERABLE, in a wide variety of ways.  They lie and cheat on their spouses. (No, don’t ask me about yours!  I’m speaking in generalities!)  When I got divorced, because of my lying cheating spouse, married men came out of the woodwork to “comfort” me now that I was newly single.  In fact they probably would have “comforted” me even while being married, except everyone around me knew how I felt about lying cheating spouses!  And you know that old adage that the wife is the last to know?  It’s true.  My spouse lied and cheated on me throughout the whole marriage.  In addition to a few other fabulous qualities like mental and physical abuse.  He was the perfect example of a brain on alcohol.

After all that, I truly have no desire to go through another experience like that again.  I am not a masochist.  I still do believe in love, and soul mates and all that other crap.  But I am truly careful now.  People around me say I am being too picky and that I will end up alone as the neighborhood cat lady.  Well, let me see…..that’s ok by me.  Que sera sera.  At least I will be the master of my own domain.

Is there another man out for me?  I truly don’t know.  I have a serious aversion to smoking, drinking, belligerence, bullying, meanness, and overall disrespect.  So that really narrows down the playing field.  And I’ve tried the friends with benefits route.  Not for me, thanks.

I can wait.  No hurry.  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, well, I’m still my own woman.  I’m happy being the cat lady for now.  At least I have rescued two little souls who love me unconditionally.