Sometimes Dreams DO come true….but not today

She went to the concert by herself.  She was too embarrassed to ask any of her girlfriends to go with her.  They would think she was crazy  ier.  She couldn’t explain her obsession, even to herself.  She was too old.  Wasn’t his type.  She told herself every excuse in the book.  But every night she dreamt about him.  Every day she watched his face, as she listened to his voice online.  All 17″ of him.  She wasn’t prepared, however, for the physical impact of seeing him in person….  She had saved up for a good seat and felt like she was staring right up at him.  Goose bumps ran up and down her spine, and she felt light-headed, like she would faint.  Her heart froze up and she forgot to breathe….and then he seemed to smile right down at her as he sang “I get you through it nice and slow, when the world’s spinning out of control”…. Pretty soon she couldn’t tell the reality from the dream.  Things started to get a bit hazy after the concert….

She found herself standing backstage, along with the usual groupies.  Someone asked her something, and she stuttered, “I’m with the band”.  They smiled knowingly, and walked on by. The band was winding down, having a few drinks.  Billy, his buddy and guitarist, handed her a glass.  She took a sip, and grimaced.  Then she heard the voice.  His voice.

“I’m drinking the brown liquor tonight, my friend”, he said.  “If that doesn’t suit you, I’m sure I could find some white lightning”, as he grinned, showing his boyish cockeyed toothy smile that melted hearts.  She looked up, and then around, wondering.  Is he talking to HER?  He clinked his glass to hers.  She could not move.  She was mesmerized.  His brown eyes crinkled at her, as he leaned his long, lanky frame on the doorway.  He put his free hand up on the other side, trapping her in between.

“What’s your story, sunshine, haven’t seen you around here before”, he said.  She lost her words, and downed the contents of her glass, hoping for some liquid courage.  She came up almost choking on the taste, but managed to hold it down.  As it burned fire in her belly, she could finally speak.  She leaned forward, and put her hand on his vest.  “I came here for you”, she said.

“Couple more of these”, he said as he tipped his glass full of brown liquor to her, “and you might just get your wish little lady”.

He whispered in her ear, “You’re like an angel, got me feeling like a devil, and I wanna give you something, if you promise that you won’t tell“.  He pulled a piece of black licorice out of his pocket, and dangled it in front of her.  “My favorite vice”, he said “besides coffee.”   “Goes good with the whiskey”, he breathed in my face.  She leaned forward and they took a bite together.  He smelled deliciously of well-earned sweat, whiskey, licorice and a faint lingering scent of cologne.  She inhaled deeply, to imprint his pheromones in her senses forever.

He pushed his hat back a bit with the glass in his hand.  She raised her eyes and said teasingly “Always with the hat?”  Leaning back against the door frame he said “That’s an excellent question, darlin’, an excellent question.  I’ve always worn a hat, since Little League, and now, I guess I think it adds to the mystery.  Does he or doesn’t he have hair, now that is the real question.”  “I know you have hair”, she said, “I’ve seen pictures without”.   “Now see you’ve gone and spoiled my mystique.  That’s all I’ve got going on”, he grinned.  “Oh, you’ve got a lot more than a hat going on”, she said.

“Maybe we should explore that”, he said, while pouring some more of the brown liquor.  “You’ll be my vacation away from this place. You know what I want.  Holding that cup, It’s pouring over the sides.  Make me wanna spread my arms and fly.“

She reached for his hand.  He wrapped his fingers around hers, and looking back said “Billy, I’m leaving you for tonight, take care of the tour bus.”  “Soon enough I’m taking my shot”.  He cocked his fingers like a gun.  “Bang”.

They walked to the parking lot towards her car, away from the horde of fans waiting for him at the tour bus.  She said “You shouldn’t leave your fans disappointed”.  “Not to worry” he said.  “Most of them are happy enough with Pretty Boy Billy”.  As they drove towards her house, she glanced over at him.  “Well I would imagine you have all kinds of girlfriends everywhere”, trying to sound nonchalant about the images playing in her head.  He stared at her a moment.  “Well”, he said, “Let me be perfectly honest”.  “So before this goes too far, let me tell you what you are.  You’re amazing, I’m attracted, but I’m terribly distracted.  And I’m trying to be verbal, and I’m back into this circle because I just found someone special.  And that’s really something special if you knew me.  Nice to meet you, nice to meet you, nice to meet you anyway.  And even if you want me to stay here, I’m telling you right now I should leave before I get to changing my mind, dear. I hope you understand what I mean.”

She stopped the car in her driveway, and froze with her hands on the wheel.  She should turn around and take him back to his bus.  She wasn’t going to make herself a one-night stand, a moment of weakness, a mistake, just another cheap groupie looking for someone to brag about.   But he was honest with her, and she appreciated him all the more for it.  He placed his hand on hers.  She turned her head, looked deep into his eyes.  Satisfied, she took the keys out of the ignition, and opened her car door, walking up to the house without looking back…..

He followed her to the front door.  Put his hands on her shoulders, and turned her around.  He touched his forehead to hers.  “Darlin’, I think you understand me.  That I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately.  All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind.  I’m tired of looking ’round rooms wondering what I’ve got to do or who I’m supposed to be.  I don’t want to be anything other than me.”  “You are all I want, all I dream about”, she said.  The door closed silently behind them.

She awoke slowly, not wanting her dream to end.  She kept her eyes shut, trying to prolong it.  She knew it was just a dream, but it all felt so real….she sighed as she rolled over to the other side of the bed.  And felt the warmth of a recently departed body.  Her eyes flew open, as she frantically searched her brain and the room for any clues.  Surely it was all a dream.  The best dream.   She blinked as she saw a t-shirt laid across her nightstand.  She grabbed it and held it close to her breast and inhaled of it deeply.   A note fluttered to the floor:

“I’m in love with a girl who knows me better.  Fell for the woman just when I met her. Took my sweet time when I was bitter.  Someone understands.  And she knows how to treat a fella right.  Give me that feeling every night.  Wants to make love when I wanna fight.  Now someone understand me.  I’m in love with a girl, I’m in love with a girl, in love with a girl.  And her name is YOU.”

She rolled back on her back.  How could this be happening to her?  Surely she would never see him again.  Then her phone chirped.  Incoming voice mail, from a number she didn’t recognize.  With her heart pounding, she pressed the button, and heard his voice again…

“Oh, this is the start of something  good, don’t  you agree?  I haven’t felt like this in so many moons, you  know what I mean?  And we can build through this destruction as we are standing on our feet.  So since you want to be with me, you’ll have to follow through with every word you say.  And I, all I really want is you, you to stick around.  I’ll see you everyday.  But you have  to follow through.  You have to  follow through”.

She clutched the phone to her and wept with joy.  Oh yes.  Hell yes.  She would follow through.  She would follow him to the ends of the earth.  Then, startled out of her revelry, she looked at her ringing phone.  It was the same number, calling.  She smiled as she hit the green button….

Downton Abbey

I was late to the Downton Abbey party.  I finally did show up, and then I stayed until I had my fill.  Which was six seasons in one week.  Talk about binge watching.  I was suffering from a horrid sciatica issue, and Downton was the only thing that kept me sane through all the sleepless nights of pain and suffering.

Being Irish and English, I was first attracted to the accent, the proper Queen’s English way of speaking, the beautiful castles, and the rolling countryside.  Then I was quick to notice the perfection.  The casting was perfection.  The dialogue was perfection.  The sets were perfection.  Even the yellow lab was perfection.

So many of the characters made an impression on me.  Most notably, Maggie Smith was more than brilliant as the Dowager Countess.  I think she had the best dialogue of the show.  At least she delivered her lines that way.  She was always very outspoken, and the more trouble she caused, the happier she was.  So it seemed.

Lady Mary was haughty, acerbic, blunt, and irreverent, who verbally slashes at her sister Edith at every chance.  She reminded me both of myself, and my sister.  We also have similar hair cuts, lol.

I loved Matthew.  He was a doppelganger to my army pilot boyfriend I was madly in love with.  I cried so hard when Matthew died.  Seemed so unfair.

I would probably be most like Edith.  The overlooked middle child who fought to be noticed but instead fought with her sister and was patronized by her father, and therefore became career driven.  I do love the irony of how things worked out in the end.  Lady Mary married a “mechanic”, as her father called him initially, and Lady Edith married a Marquess.

I became just as emotionally involved with the below the stairs characters as the above stairs.  I think that’s what made Downton Abbey so great.  We saw the flip sides of lives .  The lords and ladies, and the servants that kept things running perfectly.  Seems hard to believe that people actually could not even comb their own hair or put on a nightgown by themselves.  But most interesting was the line of authority even downstairs.  Everyone had to bow and scrap to the Butler, and people took their positions seriously, always trying to work their way up.  The servants hall below stairs was its own micro chasm of all of society.

One word description of some of the other most notable characters:

Lord Grantham:  Old Fashioned

Lady Grantham:  Sweetness

Carson:  Bully

Mrs. Hughes:  Diplomat

Mr & Mrs Bates:  Perfect

Daisy:  Mouthy

Barrow:  Changeling (male version of Lady Mary!)

Mrs. Patmore:  Screechy

I do wish there were another season or two.  Although I will say they did a tidy job of wrapping things up the last season.  But I would have liked to see more of Lady Mary and Robert’s marriage.  Barrow as the new head Butler.  Lady Edith being Marchioness of the manor.  The little lab pup growing up.  And most of all, the goings on below stairs.

 

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 11

Day 11.  Something people always seem to compliment you on.

I think I would have to say my smile.  Or my ability to smile through the tough times lately.

My orthopedic surgeon, who has done 11 surgical procedures on my one hip, says I am the bravest person he knows, that I am always smiling despite all the bad news/pain/suffering etc.

My nurses and aides at the hospital and nursing home were always amazed that I kept smiling throughout the day and through rehab etc.  They were always happy to come help me as a result.  In fact, a few of them would come have their lunch break with me, so it was nice to have someone to talk to!  Oh, and having HBO on my laptop drew everyone to my room on Game of Thrones nights!

Many of my friends think I am a smiley person.  I always try to have a good time.  Of course, I’m sure I have just as many friends that think I am smiling maniacally, like a crazy person.

The greeter and the cashiers at the Walmart always like to chat with me, because they say I am always smiling and say nice things.  They are used to grumpy people, or rude people.

My teachers and class mates at the Y where I swim say I am always smiling and singing and dancing and that I make sure to talk to EVERYONE, not just a special few.  This is social hour for many of the seniors that attend, and I try to bring them out of their shell.  They always ask me to plan the parties.  Once again, just like in college, I am the Social Chairman, lol.

Now trust me, I have not always been  smiley person all the time.  I have gone through several pretty dark times in my past where all I did was cry for a year.  Seriously.  So no, I did not smile then.  But, with time, my smile came back.

A smile goes a long way my friend.  It is just as easy to smile and be nice to people as to be mean and rude.  I think I get better service or smiles in return.  And nowadays, that means a lot to me.

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 10

Day 10.  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I really don’t think there is any one person I can choose.  I think that every person in your life is there or was there for a reason.  Maybe to make your life happier, maybe to make your life, shall we say, challenging.  Maybe to teach you a hard lesson.

I am happy with all the people in my life currently.  I have some wonderful friends, for which I am very grateful.  I don’t really see people from my past anymore who harmed me mentally or physically.  Or both, for that matter.

I am definitely NOT everyone’s favorite person.  But really, can you be that?  I don’t think so.  I am trying really hard to be a better person, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the most popular person in the room.  If I don’t show up somewhere, people might be relieved, lol.  As my family is quick to tell me, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family!

So, I think because I am divorced, I guess that was the person I needed to let go, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time.  Or for a very long time after.  But with a little distance, I can see that it was a very destructive relationship from the start.  Sometimes love can NOT conquer all.  Do I wish I didn’t know him?  I did, for awhile.  In fact I wished he was dead.  Yep.  Dead.  But then I realized that I must forgive and forget.  And now, I could care less whether he is alive or dead, or what he does with his life.  I am not the one he will face on Judgment Day.  And trust me, I have my own transgressions I must face then myself.

I let it go.  I am one with the wind and sky.

 

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 9

Day 9.  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Oh dear.  The Titanic looms large.  Rose floating on a wooden panel.  Jack hanging on for dear life.  Until he just….drifts away.

Sorry, couldn’t help it.  It was just crying out to me.  I wonder how many other people heeded its call.  And really.  With all the debris floating around, they couldn’t find a panel for Jack?

Anyway, people do come and go in your world.  Some come for a reason, some for a season.  All are important.

Have you ever met someone, became friends, and figured they would ALWAYS be in your life, no matter what?  Sure.  Of course.

That person for me was my college roommate, Fonzie.  Fonzie of course was her nickname.  Yes, because of Happy Days, lol.

We were the BEST of friends from day one.  I think we spent every available moment together, even when not at school.  I loved that girl so much, she the best friend ever.  I couldn’t ask for anyone better.

But, we did drift apart.  Jobs, boyfriends, and then husbands.  And then she moved to Puerto Rico, for her hubby’s job.  The last time I saw her was at her going away party.  We did Christmas cards for a few years, and then didn’t.

I miss her.  Always have.  Always will.  I wonder how she is.  Did she have children?  Is she still married?  Is she happy?

Fonzie, if you are out there, I wish we would drift back together!

30 Days of Truth – Rewritten

Day 8 – Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Well.  I have fallen way behind on writing about this 30 days challenge.  Because this one.  This one is hard.  Hard to be truthful.  The truth hurts.  Some people can’t handle the truth.  I’m finding it very hard to write about the truth.

I wrote the post.  Finally.  I did.  I tried to be very truthful.  But after rereading what I wrote, I realized that I cannot post it.  It will only give my haters more ammunition to use against me.  Whoever has made my life hell, or treated me like shit, still has to power to continue to do that.  Most of them anyway.

So as much as I hate to disappoint my readers, I cannot post what I originally wrote.  So my original post will be for my eyes only, to reread when I am trying to figure out why people treat like this, and try to work on either cutting those people out of my life, or changing myself into somebody else that is not emotional and keep my mouth shut because it always gets me into trouble.

But I want to say one thing about all this.  I have a small part-time job that validates me as a person, and gets me out of the house a few days a week and lets me use my brain, instead of letting it waste away along with my body.  These people have treated me with only kindness and respect, and make those days I am there so much brighter.  How many people have a boss who lets you cry on their shoulder and gives you hugs back?  And that it’s ok to do that every now and then?  And sends you away for a birthday weekend with “the girls”?  I love these people, and they love me back.  I think, lol.  At least they say they do🙂.   So I’ve got that going for me.

So, onto Day 9!  Hopefully it will be easier!

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 7

Day 7.  Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This is easy.  My little great niece, Brianna.

I even got to help pick out her name, as it is my favorite Irish name ever.  Riley was a close second, I would have been happy with either, as she is the perfect little Irish girl.  Her mother is Shannon, her father was Ryan.

I have seen this child almost every day since she was born.  I remember holding her in my arms when she was a baby, and watching her bright eyes search out everything.  I was holding her when she first discovered her hand.  (She was startled, then delighted!)  I was with her when she took her first steps.

She called me Auntie as a baby, and I loved it.  She is a sweet girl, but also headstrong.  She is girly girl, but also brave and fearless.  And she can belt out a favorite song with the best of them!  (Let it Go, anyone?)  Nowadays it’s Adele, Taylor Swift…all the current pop hits.

As she has grown, I find more and more in common with her.  We have the same color hair, the same color eyes, a love for music, singing and dancing.  We giggle together, we tell stories together, we have sleepovers.  She loves my cats. and my cats actually love her too.  When I was in the nursing home for months, there are pictures of them, especially Izzy the shy one, in her arms.  It amazed me.

I love her more than I could ever possibly imagine.  It makes me feel guilty sometimes, as I did have 3 stepchildren at one time, but Brianna comes without drama and a mother who hated my very existence.  I am allowed to love her fully.  She makes me a better person.

I hope in some way I am a positive influence in her life too.  She is one of my reasons for living.

G.I. Joe drama, new developments

Here’s G.I. Joe, with his angel wings.  After his death.  After his nationwide funeral.  After the many fundraisers for his grieving family.  After an entire community searched for days for your killers, in the stifling heat, that dropped dogs and officers alike, all intent upon finding those 3 mysterious men.

I did not personally know Joe or his family, but I was devastated, along with everyone else in the area.  People stood for hours and hours in the hot sun to salute his funeral procession.

To me, things just didn’t add up from the get go.  My best friend and I talked about it daily.  We both agreed something fishy was going on.  I remember VIVIDLY when Melanie, the wife, made her speech on TV the day after his death.  She made some remarks which didn’t make sense to me at the time, but now they do.  She made a POINT of telling everybody that after Joe’s day was over and all his good deeds were done, he came home  to HER.  Like she was telling somebody he was HER property.  As it turns out, he shared himself with another woman.  You all heard the stories.  But I digress.

I did some searches on Joe, saw pictures, videos.  I don’t know why, but I wasn’t buying into the whole savior persona that G.I. Joe was.  He looked mean and tough and military, with the high and tight haircut, the tattoos, the smoking, the workouts.  But not like hero military.  Like he was a mercenary.  Like he walked around like his shit didn’t stink.  Like he could do whatever he wanted.  And he did.  He must have had a lot of blackmail shit on his former boss, is all I can say.

But, I still thought it was a damn shame, that another police officer was killed.  My personal opinion didn’t matter.

As time went on, people became impatient.  As time went on, more and more insidious rumors were started.  As time went on, the worst scenario came to pass.

Joe was not a hero.  Joe was anything but.  Joe was a fraud, who used and abused his position and authority to the max.  Joe was a text book narcissist.  Joe was going to get caught.  Joe took the coward’s way out.  Joe took his own life.  Joe let his family down, and holding the proverbial bag.

Today, Melanie Glinewiecz was indicted on fraud charges.  She turned herself in, was out on bail shortly thereafter.  Bail money that probably came from a donation or fund raiser.  To my knowledge, Melanie never gave any of the money back.  If fact, when her funds were frozen, she went to court to get it back.  No remorse there.

And if anybody is thinking that Joe was innocent, well, his wife pretty much threw him under the bus today.  Her attorney put out the following statement “Melodie is a victim of her husband’s secret actions and looks forward to her day in Court to show the world her innocence”.

Not her fault.  All her husband’s fault.  No matter all the text messages that show her complicity, along with the military son, who buried his father while in full military uniform.  God that just rags on me.

Anyway.  I feel bad, I do.  I feel bad for the younger kids who most likely knew nothing, and now will forever be tainted with scandal from both their father, and now mother.  I also think the military son will be brought up on charges, either by the military or the police.  He was also in cahoots and borrowed money that wasn’t his.

After being in the spotlight, now Fox Lake just wants to get back to being a nice small town in the Midwest.

 

 

Hey you. Mr. Droopy Drawers.

I can’t believe this trend continues.  It is so wrong on so many levels, lol.  Let me count the ways.

1.  You look dumb ass stupid.
2.  You look ready for a prison “adventure”
3.  You look like you can’t walk
4. You look dumb ass stupid

This is not just a gangsta phenomena.  There are plenty of white boys trying to be tough guys too.

Here is Justin Bieber.  Before all his tats.  So, if A=B, and B=C, then A=C.  Saggy pants lead to tattoos.  Naw, just kidding.  Or am I…….

Anyway, I never have understood this trend.  Although I favor the origins theory of the saggy pants being a signal to the other inmates that you are “available”, (also known as jailin’, or PBS (Prison Bitch Syndrome), the reality is that there are droopy drawers in prison due to oversize pants and no belts allowed, least the wearer be found swinging from them.  Regardless, they look stupid.

Rappers were the original saggers.  Remember Totally Krossed Out?  They took droopy drawers one step further, and wore them backwards.  What a concept!

Ok, so people can do whatever they want, for the most part.  But for the love of all that is holy, PULL YOUR PANTS UP!

 

 

30 Days of Truth Challenge – Day 6

Day 6.  Something you hope you never have to do.

This one is fixed in my brain.  I hope I never have to pull the plug on someone.

I have had to make tough decisions like this, before, with my mom.  I didn’t have to pull the plug.  I had to pull the feeding tube.  But first I had to make the decision to PUT the feeding tube in, when she just a few days away from death.  I knew she wouldn’t want me too, but we didn’t want her to suffer, despite assurances from medical staff that she wasn’t feeling any hunger or thirst.  But, I couldn’t take the chance, and so a last minute feeding tube was inserted.  After about 6 months, the doctors and hospice staff stated she had “failure to thrive” and we were needlessly prolonging her life.  So I made the call to pull the tube.  I was so upset that day that I actually passed out at work.  But, the woman who hadn’t eaten on her own in 6 months was suddenly eating like a champ!  She didn’t last much longer, but at least I didn’t have to make any more tough decisions.

People need to think very carefully as to who they want to be their medical power of attorney.  This POA needs to be sure to follow the patient’s wishes, all the while making the best medical decisions.  It’s a fine line.  It is something I hope I never have to do.  Again.

Luckily, the rest of my family has their own family to make these decisions for them, so I don’t think I will be called upon once more.  As for myself, I have filled out the necessary paperwork spelling out all my medical, death and funeral wishes, and my will.  Everyone needs to take the time to do this, to save their family unnecessary anguish in having to figure it out themselves.  It is not expensive or that time consuming, you can find programs on the internet to do this for you, even for free.  Most people don’t want to bother with this, or even think about it, because they think it is morbid.  It is not.  It is a necessary fact of life.  And death.

Don’t make someone put this on their “Something I hope I never have to do” list.